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March 28, 2024, 08:17:32 AM

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The wanking barber.

Started by Glebe, March 24, 2020, 01:19:27 AM

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Glebe

Quote from: Replies From View on March 28, 2020, 11:52:03 AMThe ostrich can't even cut hair so you're going to feel properly daft when his reply comes in.

What of it?

Replies From View

Wanking barber has taken his business online, mate.  No good visiting a barber who touches your real head in 2020.  Has to do it via an app now.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

THE WANKING BARBER: "Wank?"

CUSTOMER: "Wank."

THE WANKING BARBER: "Wank. Wank?"

CUSTOMER: "Wank!"

THE WANKING BARBER: " Wank! Wank! Wank?"

*Customer runs out of the shop with tears in his eyes*

THE WANKING BARBER: "Wank."

Replies From View

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on March 28, 2020, 01:58:19 PM
THE WANKING BARBER: "Wank?"

CUSTOMER: "Wank."

THE WANKING BARBER: "Wank. Wank?"

CUSTOMER: "Wank!"

THE WANKING BARBER: " Wank! Wank! Wank?"

*Customer runs out of the shop with tears in his eyes*

THE WANKING BARBER: "Wank."

How has quite a standard episode of Pingu ended up in this thread.

Glebe

"Good afternoon, sir, what will it be."

"I'd just like you to stand behind the chair and wank!"

"Uh ah okaaay, great... but, um, don't you want a bit off the top or anything?

"If you so wish, but the main thing is that you're wanking behind me!"

"Sure, sure, yeah, but... normally they come in just for the haircut... you're a rare exception."

"What of it? Look, I'm willing to pay you double for this! Now get to work!"

"Of course sir."

"Splendid!"

*wanking barber thinks to himself, "For once I don't feel I can enjoy this for some reason."*

Glebe

"You've got hair gel all over your hands!"

"Yes, sir. 'Hair gel'."

Replies From View


Glebe

The wanking barber attends this year's Annual Wanking Barber Meeting. It's just a big circle jerk.

buttgammon

The Wanking Barber develops such a media profile that 'snip snip' becomes the accepted wanking noise.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Must the Wanking Barber be a man? Women can be barbers too, and they can wank. I've seen them do it on the internet.

Glebe

"Would sir like some tea or coffee while he wai-"

"Nooooooo."

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on April 01, 2020, 08:30:35 PMMust the Wanking Barber be a man? Women can be barbers too, and they can wank. I've seen them do it on the internet.

If you like, I mean it's anything goes now... they even have transgenders!

Elderly Sumo Prophecy


Glebe

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on April 01, 2020, 09:18:32 PMOh, what are they then?

Actually I just meant society in general has these trans people now. Crazy times!

Glebe

"Er, are you going to finish my hair or what?"

"Nearly at the climax sir. Nearly at the climax."

Replies From View

No profession is more gendered than the barbering one.

HAIRDRESSING:  HAIRCUTS AND STYLATION OF LADIES BY LADIES

BARBERING:  BRUTE-FORCE HAIR, BEARD AND EYEBROW CUTTING OF MEN BY MEN


There's no middle ground. 



And I..... *snort, guffaw*  ....hold on a moment while I compose myself...


*straight face*  And I think the matter is fairly cut and dried!!



(.....like with hair!!!!)


*GUFFAW*

dissolute ocelot

- Do you clean those clippers between customers?
- Did you say "cream"?

Glebe

"Here barber, look at the tits on her on page 3!"

"Ungh... thank you, sir."

Sebastian Cobb

"oh, sorry! are you closing up?"

"no, it's just usually a bit quiet this time of day so I thought I'd get a start on chiselling some of the hair off the floor"

Kryton

Sticky back and sides?
Whut?
Short... Short back and sides.
*Hold up mirror*
*Mirror is befouled with sticky erotic paste*

Glebe

"Guys, are you seeing this?"

The wanking barber had just looked in the mirror and seen something that made him froze. For a giant, wanking monstrosity was towering over the people in the street outside.

"Think you're just imaging things mate," chirps a waiting customer. Now hurry up and get that bloke done and give me a short-back-and-sides while u wank."

Glebe

"Day off, sir?"

"Yes... just thought I'd spruce meself up!"

"Its my day off tomorrow. I'll probably spend it wanking."

Puce Moment

- More off the back sir?
- Umm, no it's fine.
- Very good sir.
- Just one thing...
- Yes sir?
- I notice you haven't been wanking at all.
- Well, no.
- Is there a reason?
- Just don't fancy it.
- You find me ugly don't you?
- No, honestly, just had a run on attractive necks today.
- Any chance you could pretend?
- :sigh: yeah, sure thing...

Glebe

"We had that John Nettles in the other day. Nice chap. Smell of gin off him, though."

*resumes wank*

idunnosomename

WANKING BOARBER GIVE ME A HAIR CUT

CERTAINLY SIR WHICH ONES?!??!

Fambo Number Mive

"Really glad to be back, my hair's getting really long. Glad to see you've got a face shield on."

"What a lovely mask, sir. Would you mind if I got a little bit of sperm on it?"

Glebe

I actually just went to the barber yesterday, had to wear a face mask and have temperature taken (true story!). There was no wanking involved (sadly).

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

The Wanking Barber:

"I had that cunt Gleb in for a haircut the other day, and I played a little wind up game on him. Told him there'd be no wanking due to Covid regulations, then said he'd have to put this stupid mask on and get his temperature taken and stuff. Little did he know that the mask was festooned with week old dried spunk, and I'd shoved the thermometer down my japseye! Anyway Sir, care for a wank?"

Glebe

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on July 31, 2020, 06:27:18 AM
The Wanking Barber:

"I had that cunt Gleb in for a haircut the other day, and I played a little wind up game on him. Told him there'd be no wanking due to Covid regulations, then said he'd have to put this stupid mask on and get his temperature taken and stuff. Little did he know that the mask was festooned with week old dried spunk, and I'd shoved the thermometer down my japseye! Anyway Sir, care for a wank?"

:o

Fambo Number Mive

The wanking barber has been practising during lockdown and can get spunk in a customers hair from 2m now.

Replies From View

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 25, 2020, 10:46:21 AM
The wanking barber has been practising during lockdown and can get spunk in a customers hair from 2m now.

miles or minutes?