Not Accepting Being Young Niall.

[Glebe]

"Gonna buy myself a pipe and the complete works of Aldous Huxley... will enjoy sitting by the fire having a good read while my foolish friends play Xbox games and dare each other to go into the off-licence! Such immaturity!"

[Glebe]

"Did anyone watch that Prokiev documentary on Sky Arts last night?"

[spaghetamine]

"I exclusively enjoy bran-based breakfast cereals and quite frankly find all the rest to be very immature indeed".

[Pink Gregory]

Niall searches desperately for the opportunity to use the phrase "Fit as a flea" in conversation.

[Glebe]

Niall searches desperately for the opportunity to use the phrase "Fit as a flea" in conversation.

"After finishing my bran-based breakfast cereal I feel fit as a flea!"

[DoesNotFollow]

Niall goes waistcoat shopping. One with a pocket for his timepiece.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Niall dyes his hair white and squeezes his cheeks to try and get wrinkles.

[Glebe]

"If one accepts Camus' absurdist stance and defiance of social conventions, then-"

"Look Niall mate, we're having a lads' night in. Now press 'START' on the controller or fuck off home."

[Glebe]

"Here Niall, Toby's made us all fake IDs, we can use them to try and get into the pub tonight!"

"Not me, I'll be spending the evening sipping cocoa and reading Sylvia Plath."

[Glebe]

"Hello, is that the habadashery? I wish to purchase a smoking cap, please."

[Dannyhood91]

"Bothering young ladies? Oh no no no I only go out to enjoy the rich flavours of fine real ales."

[spaghetamine]

Niall orders himself a pair of cream leisure chinos from a company advertising in the back pages of the private eye.

[Glebe]

Niall and his mate Carefree Toby are in the local chipper.

"Plaice and chips, please."

"And for me, some braised salmon with a side order of caviar."

[Glebe]

Niall and his mates are sitting around his study, chatting.

"I remember the first time I read The Hobbit," says Immature Ian. Its still my favourite book!"

"Nah mate, gotta be James and the Giant Peach," responds Carefree Toby. "I'm 17 years old, but it remains me favourite."

"The novelization of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids for me," adds Joking Jim with a chuckle. "Seriously though, what about you, Niall?

"For me it must be War and Peace," replies Niall, lowering his pipe. "I didn't quite catch all the nuances on my first journey through the story, but by my fifth read I had come to feel I really knew these characters personally. Pass the Pringles, James."

[spaghetamine]

I'd like to know more about Niall's pals, they sound like a great bunch of lads.

[Ian Drunken Smurf]

Is Niall in denial?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

" That Emily Atack is well fit, eh Niall? "

Niall contemplates the question with a studied look on his fizzog. Finally, he removes his trusty pipe from his gob, and avers: " Well... she has a certain , unsophisticated jejeune attraction, I dare say."

" Fuck Off, Niall."

" Mind you, her mum's Kate Robbins, and she'll end up looking like Her in a few years. Try wanking over that, it'll be like pushing a pea through a straw, matey."

" Chortle! Nice one, Nail!"

NIALL SAVES THE DAY! HE'S STILL IN WITH HIS MATES!

[Glebe]

I'd like to know more about Niall's pals, they sound like a great bunch of lads.

Immature Ian has bad acne and still sleeps with his teddy bear.

Carefree Toby is sporty and does skateboarding and is a hit with the girls.

Joking Jim is (as his name implies) a bit of a joker, but has a very serious, deep dark side.

[Glebe]

"Fuck's sake lads just had an encounter with that nutjob with the tattoos coming across the field," explains an exasperated Joking Jim, arriving at Niall's house. "You know, the bloke that threw the can of Stella at Ian the other week?"

"Yeah he's a fucking neanderthal," says Immature Ian.

"His name's Gary," adds Carefree Toby. "And the little guy that was with him shouting 'You legend!' is called Daz, I think."

"I have come to the conclusion that he picked on Ian because he looked like a soft target", chips in Niall, momentarily abandoning his chess game. "No offence, Ian. In any case I know it's a cliche but I honestly believe that society is to blame. These miscreants are not being properly engaged in meaningful activities that would divert them from their wild abandon. This 'Gary' needs nurturing with kindness and understanding, while young Darren, who I understand is actually somewhat wiser than our Gareth, apparently has a lot of potential as a member of society but has sadly fallen in with a 'bad crowd', as they say. C'est la vie."

[Ferris]

Not accepting being Neil Young

[Nowhere Man]

" That Emily Atack is well fit, eh Niall? "

Niall contemplates the question with a studied look on his fizzog. Finally, he removes his trusty pipe from his gob, and avers: " Well... she has a certain , unsophisticated jejeune attraction, I dare say."

" Fuck Off, Niall."

" Mind you, her mum's Kate Robbins, and she'll end up looking like Her in a few years. Try wanking over that, it'll be like pushing a pea through a straw, matey."

" Chortle! Nice one, Nail!"

NIALL SAVES THE DAY! HE'S STILL IN WITH HIS MATES!

Fucking hell I don't remember The Beano being so risque!

[Glebe]

Niall places his copy of Homage to Catalonia down, clears his throat and addresses his fellows there present.

"Ahem. My dear friends, I have an announcement to make. Myself and my fiancee Nanette are currently making preparations for our wedding. You are, of course, all invited to the forthcoming nuptial engagement!"

A great cheer goes up, but then Joking Jim (being serious for once) asks a pertinent question.

"Aren't you a bit young to be getting hitched, mate? I mean, the lot of us, we've barely finished school and get challenged for ID everytime we go out on the weekend!"

Niall takes a sip of his pinot noir and chuckles warmly. "Perhaps, perhaps, young James... 'Make hay while the sun shines'! But I fear that, should I not grasp this chance to solidify my relationship with my betrothed, then our love should wither on the bow... like a berry that missed its chance to ripen in the sun."

"Niall mate I think you should ask your parents about seeing that counsellor again," suggests Carefree Toby.

[Jake Thingray]

Niall falls deeply in love with a woman who shares the same tastes in art and literature as him. But she's old enough to have experienced them at the time.