Poll

And the winner is...?

Richard Branson
4 (5.9%)
Jeff Bezos
8 (11.8%)
Wetherspoons cunt
23 (33.8%)
Toilet roll panic-buying gobshites
3 (4.4%)
Lickers of surfaces
0 (0%)
Sports Direct wankstain
4 (5.9%)
NHS attackers, thieves, and other shitweasels
8 (11.8%)
The Trump
12 (17.6%)
Food Bank thieving shaftmonkeys
2 (2.9%)
Coughing penis-breathers
0 (0%)
Snood-wearing farmer-assaulting twat
2 (2.9%)
BoboJojo
1 (1.5%)
THIS IS WHY MOAI STARES!
1 (1.5%)

Total Members Voted: 68

Author Topic: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?  (Read 5484 times)

Brundle-Fly

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #30 on: March 26, 2020, 03:04:59 AM »

Cerys

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #31 on: March 26, 2020, 03:08:20 AM »
You coughed.  Admit it.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #32 on: March 26, 2020, 06:37:41 AM »
That's all I need right now

WTF have I ever done to you?

You know what.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #33 on: March 26, 2020, 06:39:55 AM »
Had a think last night after writing all the potential answers down on a big sheet and I think it is BIGGEST PANDEMIC WANKER.

idunnosomename

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #34 on: March 26, 2020, 08:17:06 AM »
Um wheres moaty

buttgammon

  • How thick is wall?
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #35 on: March 26, 2020, 09:11:17 AM »
Um wheres moaty

At least he had the decency to self-isolate in the woods. Even Gazza kept a distance of over two metres when he brought KFC.

thenoise

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #36 on: March 26, 2020, 09:13:25 AM »
My next door neighbour and his shit taste in music. The other day he was singing along so poorly I thought my 9 month old baby had woken from his nap and started crying.

If your singing voice can be confused with the sound of a baby crying maybe sing along in your head?

ollyboro

  • More pussy than Sinatra
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #37 on: March 26, 2020, 09:17:46 AM »
My next door neighbour and his shit taste in music. The other day he was singing along so poorly I thought my 9 month old baby had woken from his nap and started crying.

If your singing voice can be confused with the sound of a baby crying maybe sing along in your head?

There's been cunts around Middlesbrough playing their shit music, complete with microphones, asking if anybody has any requests. Really. I have but one request. Kill yourself.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #38 on: March 26, 2020, 09:21:06 AM »
Um wheres moaty

the ghost of Moat still haunts the woodlands where he died, daft cunt

sirhenry

  • That worked out well...
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #39 on: March 26, 2020, 09:30:16 AM »
My daughter came to the end of her post-corvid isolation yesterday and had just about enough breath to get to the Lidl down the road to buy some bread, milk and veg. While putting stuff though the self-checkout one of the staff spotted that she had some cookies in her basket so he came over and had a huge rant at her for trying to buy non-essentials. Which triggered her to have a panic attack and leave the shopping behind.

So yes, that little Hitler is currently top of our 'biggest wanker' league.

Buelligan

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #40 on: March 26, 2020, 09:36:30 AM »
Why are they stocking cookies if you're not supposed to buy them?  You should report Lidl to the Authorities.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #41 on: March 26, 2020, 09:44:09 AM »
My daughter came to the end of her post-corvid isolation yesterday and had just about enough breath to get to the Lidl down the road to buy some bread, milk and veg. While putting stuff though the self-checkout one of the staff spotted that she had some cookies in her basket so he came over and had a huge rant at her for trying to buy non-essentials. Which triggered her to have a panic attack and leave the shopping behind.

So yes, that little Hitler is currently top of our 'biggest wanker' league.

You can buy non-essentials if you are buying essentials as well. That staff member has meant she will need to go out again to buy food therefore increasing the risk of transmission. Working in a supermarket is a very haard job and even worse at the moment but that's no excuse.

Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #42 on: March 26, 2020, 10:06:59 AM »
Wait, are we not supposed to buy biscuits now?

Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #43 on: March 26, 2020, 10:12:14 AM »
Yes but only from an offie and only if you're also getting essentials (Lambert & Butler and Magners).

idunnosomename

  • struggling a bit. if i'm honest
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #44 on: March 26, 2020, 10:26:49 AM »
My daughter came to the end of her post-corvid isolation yesterday and had just about enough breath to get to the Lidl down the road to buy some bread, milk and veg. While putting stuff though the self-checkout one of the staff spotted that she had some cookies in her basket so he came over and had a huge rant at her for trying to buy non-essentials. Which triggered her to have a panic attack and leave the shopping behind.

So yes, that little Hitler is currently top of our 'biggest wanker' league.
wow what a cunt. id probably have a panic attack too if that happened.

alan nagsworth

  • a ghost at his own feast
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #45 on: March 26, 2020, 10:55:17 AM »
post-corvid isolation

If you spend all that time cooped up with a house full of crows I'd say a biscuity reward could be classed as "essential".

Cerys

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #46 on: March 26, 2020, 10:56:00 AM »
It's the kind of situation in which you would be perfectly justified in storming round there and informing a manager that you're about to flay the cunty jobsworth alive on the deli counter, unfortunately marinating all the cheese with his internal juices.  From a distance of two metres, obvs.

EasyToType

  • It's not me its you
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #47 on: March 26, 2020, 10:59:05 AM »
Bit harsh Alan

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Qu'ils mangent de la brioche
« Reply #48 on: March 26, 2020, 11:00:20 AM »
It's the kind of situation in which you would be perfectly justified in storming round there and informing a manager that you're about to flay the cunty jobsworth alive on the deli counter, unfortunately marinating all the cheese with his internal juices.  From a distance of two metres, obvs.

Absolutely.  Someone should send their management a stiff finger.  If you're not supposed to be buying certain items, the shop should replace those items on the shelves with more fucking toilet paper or whatever it is that you should be buying.  Otherwise, fuck off. 

idunnosomename

  • struggling a bit. if i'm honest
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #49 on: March 26, 2020, 11:05:39 AM »
If you spend all that time cooped up with a house full of crows I'd say a biscuity reward could be classed as "essential".
lol

massive bereavement

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #50 on: March 26, 2020, 11:08:55 AM »
wow what a cunt. id probably have a panic attack too if that happened.

I bet the coward wouldn't dare approach a man and behave like that. I'd have given him a death stare and then picked up another packet.

idunnosomename

  • struggling a bit. if i'm honest
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #51 on: March 26, 2020, 11:18:33 AM »
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUT THEM ON THE SHELF IF I CANT BUY THEM

EAT THEM YOU FUCKER

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #52 on: March 26, 2020, 11:20:33 AM »
I am very skeptical that that actually happened.

Buelligan

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #53 on: March 26, 2020, 11:27:01 AM »
You may have a point, the OP has only been posting here for fifteen years and none of his posts are about shop-hitlers.  He may be looking for wanking stories.  Reply with caution.

sirhenry

  • That worked out well...
Re: Qu'ils mangent de la brioche
« Reply #54 on: March 26, 2020, 11:47:01 AM »
Absolutely.  Someone should send their management a stiff finger.  If you're not supposed to be buying certain items, the shop should replace those items on the shelves with more fucking toilet paper or whatever it is that you should be buying.  Otherwise, fuck off.
Management were fingered last night. Thought complaining to head office would be more effective in that if the store manager gets an angry call from above, they're less likely to handwave it away.

Sorry, Captain Z, some people really are that shit. Though she may have looked like a student to him, which would obviously justify any amount of verbal abuse.

[eta. Love the title change, Buelligan :-) ]

Thomas

  • well they do all sixteen dances.
Re: Qu'ils mangent de la brioche
« Reply #55 on: March 26, 2020, 11:52:21 AM »
Management were fingered last night.

Seems wrong to reward them for what happened.

Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #56 on: March 26, 2020, 12:11:40 PM »
My landlord, who has decided now is a good time to demand extra money from me (for underpayment of bills last year, apparently), and who today informed me that she wants to bring someone round for a viewing of my flat. I gave my notice 2 months ago, before this all kicked off, and am moving end of April. I'm not at all comfortable about strangers being brought into my home, for obvious reasons, but I don't know if I have a legal right to refuse this. Anyway, a landlord being an utter cunt - who'd have thought it?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #57 on: March 26, 2020, 12:13:23 PM »
That's awful, Sir Henry.

Bought a can of beer and some crisps last night NO QUESTIONS ASKED. What an utterly weird time to be alive when that's a possible sentence to write.

Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #58 on: March 26, 2020, 12:32:14 PM »
I am very skeptical that that actually happened.

Yes. Was she the only one in the shop buying non essentials along with her essentials? Obviously not. But THE MANAGER of all people decides to home in on this one customer and basically offer her outside.
Nah.

idunnosomename

  • struggling a bit. if i'm honest
Re: Who has been the biggest wanker of the pandemic?
« Reply #59 on: March 26, 2020, 12:37:51 PM »
That's awful, Sir Henry.

Bought a can of beer and some crisps last night NO QUESTIONS ASKED. What an utterly weird time to be alive when that's a possible sentence to write.
have a nice evening

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