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March 28, 2024, 04:32:27 PM

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Chummy Marketing

Started by Egyptian Feast, March 26, 2020, 04:03:52 PM

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Egyptian Feast

I was raiding the cupboards for a snack earlier and found a Kabuto pot noodle I bought so long ago it was just within the BBE date. The noodles themselves were dire enough, but the chummy blurb and directions were truly COVID-tier marketing bullshit. It reminded me of this old thread, which hasn't been updated in 5 years. The world may have turned into a plague-infested hellscape since 2015, but I doubt that's stopped the matey marketers from plopping cutesy blurbs all over our supermarket shelves.


Fambo Number Mive

Why is having a sharp mouth (which I presume is like having a sharp tongue) a good thing?

If you had a soft heart why would you have a sharp tongue?

Pink Gregory

Presumably a sharp tongue would involve something of a rasping design, like slugs have.

the

Quote from: Egyptian Feast on March 26, 2020, 04:03:52 PMIt reminded me of this old thread, which hasn't been updated in 5 years.

This is in no way an attempt to say 'we've covered this', but there was also the more recent Infantilisation thread if you want to go down a hole and emerge covered in more chummy marketing sewage.

Camp Tramp

There is a term for this I recently discovered, maybe on here.

Wackaging.

It is good to know the name of something I hate.

Johnny Yesno

[tag]Royston Vasey unveils a new character aimed at a different audience of wankers[/tag]

Marner and Me

Chummy marketing can get bent. I have chosen your product from your faceless advertising team as I believe your product at the time will serve a purpose to me. I also believe this chummy marketing is directed towards a certain market. For example you won't see chummy marketing on the Stone Island website, yet you will see it on a website like Lush.

idunnosomename

since they invented it, it's amazing how Innocent managed to remain top of their cutesy chummy marketing game with that fucking annoying "it's blue when it's clearly green" thing

in fact it was kind of clever because they subverted it by being annoying and contrarian to spur engagement. but still shit for cunts

vainsharpdad


Dave Gorman did an episode on Dave about this.

The TV channel Dave is the ne plus ultra of this wank.  The TV channel is called Dave because everyone has a mate called Dave, yeah?  And this TV channel is like a mate, yeah?  And Dave probably has twelve pints and a kebab on a Friday with his mates before shagging the barmaid in the bus shelter.  Etc etc

Marner and Me

Thought it was named after Dave Lister.

idunnosomename

Then it'd be called Lister

Johnny Yesno


beanheadmcginty

I've always thought it would be better named Finchy, such is the ubiquity if that man's voice on the channel. It's a perfect match though to be fair.

touchingcloth

The channel Dave is named after the Dave Dave Gorman, who is a Dave who did an episode about this on the channel Dave.

Marner and Me

Harrys Razors, fuck off, I'll use the throwaways from Wilkinson Sword with a brush and pot of soap that I can get 2 years out of. I don't need an orange handle fuckos

vainsharpdad

Loaf can fuck off

Sofas' that need a 'Jolly nice slice of cake' and ' slowrooms, not showrooms!'

Fuck off. Just fuck off.

flotemysost

Quote from: Camp Tramp on March 28, 2020, 08:33:39 AM
There is a term for this I recently discovered, maybe on here.

Wackaging.


Which, ironically, sounds like it was dreamed up by the Chummy/Infantile Marketing Board.

Catalogue Trousers

It's obviously named because of that Trigger always calling that Rodney 'Dave'. Only Fools And Horses fans, pretty much Dave's ideal target audience.

Sherringford Hovis


Ornlu

Everybody's Dead, on Dave.

buttgammon

More than the stupid name, Dave is summed up by the logo: the pseudo-barbershop Peaky Blinders typeface that looks like 2016 in graphic form.

Jasha

Quote from: vainsharpdad on January 09, 2021, 10:17:27 PM
Loaf can fuck off

Sofas' that need a 'Jolly nice slice of cake' and ' slowrooms, not showrooms!'

Fuck off. Just fuck off.

There's nothing cheeky about having a kip on a sofa !

Gregory Torso

Dear Mr Torso,


AWOOO! It seems Jack Frost is in the air and it's going to get fuh-fuh-fuh-fweezing cold in the coming days!

We wouldn't want you to turn into a fishfinger uwu so here are some helpful hacks in case mister pipe goes crackity-breakage and your house becomes an igloo!

1. Cover your pipes up nice and snug like a sossie roll from Greggs #beforecovid #steakbakecrew #eggybrexit. Maybe you can use one of those Christmas cardies Auntie Rita knitted for you kek!

2. Keep your door shut nice and toasty-closed so that nasty nippy wind cannot get in and make your toes all cold.

3. If your pipes fweeze or buwst find your STOP TAP. It's pwobably in your bedroom with your toys and naughty bits. You might recognise it for it's tap-like qualities! Give it a lickle twist and turn it off.

4. Find a certified WaterSafe plumber nearby (we recommend Leaky Dave who lives on Baked Beans Road! Just don't mention his ex-wife #rawdivorce #icanstillsmellherperfume)

5. Report a leak at once! We don't mean when you do a wee after an asparagus din-dins, but a cheeky bit of water pouring out of your wall, for example.

6. Sit back, relax, open a bag of Space Invaders and wait for one of our expert engineers to come and warm you up! ooh BEHAVE!

We're working round el clockarino to detect and prevent leaks (not the vegetable kind! you're on your own with them), so keep us in the loop. We'd hate for your bum to get the sniffles!

Seriously though 20,000 people die each year from hyperthermia in the UK.

WEMEMBER TO STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE MWAH

Hugs and kisses


Severn Trent Water

Replies From View

Quote from: buttgammon on January 10, 2021, 11:02:02 AM
More than the stupid name, Dave is summed up by the logo: the pseudo-barbershop Peaky Blinders typeface that looks like 2016 in graphic form.

What was 2016 like, apart from the celebrity deaths?  Give me a distinguishing feature of 2016, please.

Paul Calf

Quote from: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 07:44:55 AM
What was 2016 like, apart from the celebrity deaths?  Give me a distinguishing feature of 2016, please.

Cunts winning at everything.

TrenterPercenter

Great thread; loath chummy marketing; there appears to be two main versions; voice you might hear if you were having a psychotic break and insincere banter-mate that is eventually going to shag your other half.

buttgammon

Quote from: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 07:44:55 AM
What was 2016 like, apart from the celebrity deaths?  Give me a distinguishing feature of 2016, please.

Dull men with excessively cultivated hair feigning an interest in 'old-fashioned' hobbies like metalworking.

Butchers Blind

The smugness written on the side of Oatly cartons. S4C.

petril

Quote from: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 07:44:55 AM
What was 2016 like, apart from the celebrity deaths?  Give me a distinguishing feature of 2016, please.

an olympic competition pool that looks a bit green. that was about it. oh and I helped my family put a garden hut up