NHS Clapping

[Spiteface]

Yep. Nice and quiet around here just now. So refreshing.

[idunnosomename]

i can confirm no sausage. i would've taken a knee but i dont really have a doorstep but i do enjoy genuflecting

[El Unicornio, mang]

[Wonderful Butternut]

Either that neighbour was a total minuteman or someone spent way too much time clapping.

Or the whole thing is made up for sensationalism and they split for reasons that didn't involve the administration of oral sex during the NHS Clapping.

[El Unicornio, mang]

It's the Sunday Sport so I'm guessing the latter

[BlodwynPig]

The man in the picture is not called Pete and is not married to the woman in the picture who is not called Helena

[El Unicornio, mang]

I mean, the whole premise of the story falls to bits when you actually think about it.

[EOLAN]

Maybe the next door neighbor was an NHS employee and she just wanted to escalate her show of appreciation.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Here's the full thing



"Cock-mad Helen"

"She'd been sucking off that brute next door who works at the gym"

Definitely fake.

[BlodwynPig]

Definitely fake.

I'm not so sure... show your working out ;)

[Thomas]

The Sport is mostly pisstakes, isn't it? Enjoyable turns of phrase on occasion. 'Last week, I came back in after applauding and Helen had spunk all round her mouth.'

'I ran my helmet under cold water straight away but I'm still in agony and can barely walk. It's covered in blisters. I may never be able to have sex with a pasty again.'

Last night we approached Gregg's store in Norwich's trendy Leicester Street shopping area to get the company's response, but the shop had already closed for the evening.

[idunnosomename]

who the fuck buys the sport is what i want to know. is it some sort of money laundering operation now

[Thomas]

Surely a covert branch of Viz.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I wonder how one gets to be a fake person in one of these stories? Friends of the editors? I don't think I'd take any money to have people on the street thinking I'm "that bloke who fucked a Greggs pasty".

[bgmnts]

HARLOT!

[Wonderful Butternut]

I stuck 9 creme eggs up my bum.

Like it would somehow be structurally compromised a ludicrous activity if it was only 8 creme egss.

[BlodwynPig]

I wonder how one gets to be a fake person in one of these stories? Friends of the editors? I don't think I'd take any money to have people on the street thinking I'm "that bloke who fucked a Greggs pasty".

I think someone on here said they are taken from police mugshots?

Anyway, reading the Sport today is like watching Chris Morris in the mid-90s, brilliant

[solidified gruel merchant]

[El Unicornio, mang]

I think someone on here said they are taken from police mugshots?

Ah, that makes sense, for the ones like the three Thomas posted, at least

[idunnosomename]

i think sometimes they just whip them offline with no permission or anything and it's amazing they never seem to get sued but maybe they give you like £100 if you complain. they're not stock photos obviously

[beanheadmcginty]

Yeah I did some reverse image searching a few years ago and all the mugshot type photos in the Sport were from America, primarily death row inmates so rather unlikely to find out or sue.

[Thomas]

[BlodwynPig]

Yeah I did some reverse image searching a few years ago and all the mugshot type photos in the Sport were from America, primarily death row inmates so rather unlikely to find out or sue.

those ones above look like British scum, though

[Fambo Number Mive]

Clapping is back - for one day in July: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52959591

[jobotic]

For the NHS' last ever anniversary?

[idunnosomename]

Oh fuck off

[Twonty Gostelow]

Dress Down Clapday.

[daf]

CLAP!

[thenoise]

who the fuck buys the sport is what i want to know. is it some sort of money laundering operation now

I'm pretty sure the only part of the Sport that makes any money is the wankline ads and adverts for 'massage parlours' in the back few pages.
Basically it's a directory for brothels, as frequented by truck drivers and tradesmen, with a few pages of jokes at the beginning, dressed up as a newspaper to get past the censors.

[idunnosomename]

Oh interesting