Boris Johnson has the virus!!!

[BlodwynPig]

He never had the virus so that doesn't make sense. Or is just another in a great line of excuses to guarantee his Churchillian send-off.

[Alberon]

He's already squandered the goodwill in his own MPs from his massive election victory.

New MPs from old Labour seats are already worried about keeping their jobs and Johnson's poor performance gives them no comfort. He'll take the blame for the coronavirus mishandling and fuck off.

He's always wanted to become Prime Minister and to have been Prime Minister. It's actually being Prime Minister he can't deal with.

[crankshaft]

From today's Times Diary:

I mean, February like the perfect time to exit. He can "deliver Brexit" and then neatly fuck off so he doesn't have to deal with the aftermath. He'll then tour the world giving speeches at thinktanks and sitting on a few boards, earning £££££££ whilst the UK goes to shit. He'll get a knighthood and be a regular on panel shows and he'll be a national treasure whilst we laugh at his schtick, pick vegetables and blame the EU for our misery.

[idunnosomename]

That stud joke is fucking revolting and i feel ill

[BlodwynPig]

It's not a joke. He'll be coming for your wives, girlfriends and daughters soon. Populating the country with Boris-clones

[steveh]

There have been rumours floating around of him spending time with another woman since Carrie Symonds got pregnant.

[Better Midlands]

There have been rumours floating around of him spending time with another woman since Carrie Symonds got pregnant.

The concert violinist?

[Cuellar]

That's not what they called her in court

[BlodwynPig]

The concert violinist?

[Better Midlands]

This one popped up again at the weekend.

[Fambo Number Mive]

I would love it if Johnson was PM for less time than May. Sadly I think he will try and cling on for another couple of years and then retire to a slot on Times Radio and write for the Telegraph again. Sunak PM by 2024 ready for 2025 election with new leader.

Or maybe Sunak will give Johnson a peerage?

[frajer]

This one popped up again at the weekend.

Do up your tie, comb your hair and put your cock away Dad, we've got guests.

[jobotic]

He's already squandered the goodwill in his own MPs from his massive election victory.

New MPs from old Labour seats are already worried about keeping their jobs and Johnson's poor performance gives them no comfort. He'll take the blame for the coronavirus mishandling and fuck off.

He's always wanted to become Prime Minister and to have been Prime Minister. It's actually being Prime Minister he can't deal with.

There won't be an election. The new MPs need to worry about their loyalty to Cummings, nothing else.

[Bently Sheds]

This one popped up again at the weekend.

Is this the violin version of "Technology Lessons"?

[Captain Z]

There have been rumours floating around of him spending time with another woman since Carrie Symonds got pregnant.

[idunnosomename]

It's funny when you remember that Harry Cole who writes half of these stories used to go out with Carrie until Bozza cucked him

[Cuntbeaks]

Gonna assume that this fat, useless cunt still isn't dead.

[frajer]

Only in the brain, sadly not in the mouth and cock, so he's still doing as much damage as a braindead cock-and-mouth man can while leading a country.

(Dear Gov, I wrote this while saluting so it's not as unpatriotic as it reads)

[Blue Jam]

Is there anyone else who always reads the title of this thread to the tune of Deutschland Uber Alles?

I still reckon he got a few intensive care nurses pregnant, we will just never know for sure. And neither will he.

[Ferris]

This one popped up again at the weekend.

You can tell this is a "rush dishevelled" job.

Someone pulled a camera out and he had to quickly undo his tie and only had time to ruffle one side of his hair. Poor effort but good commitment to the LOLBORIS brand.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Imagine if he died with a violin up his arse though.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Imagine not having to imagine.

[Better Midlands]

Do up your tie, comb your hair and put your cock away Dad, we've got guests.

Comical Google image search suggestion off that picture

[Janie Jones]

There have been rumours floating around of him spending time with another woman since Carrie Symonds got pregnant.

Careful, mate.
Super injunction, that.

[Blue Jam]

Imagine if he died with a violin up his arse though.

Nah, I bet Are Boris is pure vanilla. For him it's not about variety, it's about quantity. He's probably working his way through the rest of the orchestra now, not taking the time to appreciate their rhythm or timing or manual dexterity, just impregnating each player as fast as he can before moving onto the next one as if they're all just so many rounds of Soggy Biscuit.

[Hand Solo]

To be fair Orchestras do sound rude, there's Wood, Bras(s), Horns, Strings, Double (B)asses, Flute fingering, Tromboning, and a bloke standing there just watching with his baton in his hand.

They're obsessed.

[Captain Z]

Comical Google image search suggestion off that picture

Yeah, I did that earlier and got the same result. Suspicious lack of relevant info, isn't there.

[Zetetic]

In fairness, Yandex doesn't do much better.

[Cuntbeaks]

To be fair Orchestras do sound rude, there's Wood, Bras(s), Horns, Strings, Double (B)asses, Flute fingering, Tromboning, and a bloke standing there just watching with his baton in his hand.

They're obsessed.

Hairy triangle

[Blinder Data]

This is from popbitch email of 11 July 2019. Could be bollocks, mind

Julie Etchingham appeared to have a little bit of trouble getting Boris Johnson to shut up during Tuesday's debate. If any other future moderators have that same trouble, they might want to ask him how he enjoyed his lunch at Olivocarne.

They're unlikely to get a satisfactory answer out of him but if the story whistling around the newsrooms and chambers of Fleet Street holds any water, then it might just break his stride for a second.

Chatter among the media set is that the "lovers' tiff" with Carrie was sparked by a rather long lunch that Boris had at the Belgravia restaurant with another young lady of his acquaintance. One that went so well, it ended up spilling over into the evening.

Though Olivocarne closes between lunch and dinner service, staff allowed Boris and his ladyfriend to stick around after hours to enjoy the peace and quiet. Once they were left alone in the empty restaurant and staff went back of house to prepare for evening service, the two lovebirds supposedly chose to share one final, rather meaty course on one of the banquettes there...