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March 29, 2024, 10:20:28 AM

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Boris Johnson has the virus!!!

Started by Danger Man, March 27, 2020, 11:19:31 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Ferris


idunnosomename

Fuckers nicked all the jewellery and scarpered


Jockice

Q: Why did Prince Charles and Alexander 'Boris' Johnson get tested for Covid-19 while the public and NHS frontline staff are still waiting for theirs?

A: They both have underlying wealth conditions.

Happy to help.

Puce Moment

I'm going to make an assumption that Cummings and Bozo have spent quite a lot of time together in the sweaty, central heated meetings rooms of Number 10 over the last fortnight.

idunnosomename

He got it from slobbering on charles' knob

BoJo biographer Sonia Purnell on the BBC describing our dear leader in terms befitting some kind of superhuman being- I've never known Boris to have a day's illness in his life, it really shows that if even Boris can get this virus, anyone can, etc. etc.

Yeah, cheers for that. I hadn't realised from thousands of global deaths that this was a major public health issue, but now that an overweight 55 year old man from London has it - well, that's something else.

Fabian Thomsett

Be pretty funny if 80 Tory MPs died.


jobotic


BlodwynPig

QuoteAfter Johnson diagnosis, who else should be tested?

Nick Eardley
Political correspondent

i.e., which of our glorious beloved overlords should we spend precious time and money on?

alan nagsworth

Quote from: idunnosomename on March 27, 2020, 12:31:35 PM
He got it from slobbering on charles' knob

Yeah, just to expand on my previous findings regarding Charles being positive but Camilla negative, I still stand by my research that Camilla and Charles had not fisted each other or fucked each others faces in a 69 or anything like that, and yet in this case it would appear extremely likely if not 100% accurate to assume that Boris contracted this through some extremely intimate - hell, I'll say it: sexual - contact with the Prince.

It's early days yet but my sources stipulate that this could have been through one or all of the following methods:

1. Sucking the Prince off through the crack of a royal door in the palace.

2. Drinking Charles' cum out of the mouth of a sedated corgi.

3. Prince Charles doing a prolonged evil fart in Boris' face whilst Boris sucks heavily inwards like a mechanic exaggerating his reaction to a minor problem with a single mother's car.

4. The Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, pouring cognac into Boris' eyes and then slurping it lasciviously from his cheeks as Boris splutters about it being the tears he's crying for the NHS. Afterwards they both clap raucously out of the windows, laughing, their dicks stiff and buzzing wildly like a pair of electric toothbrushes.

It could be any one of these actions, or worse, which lead to Boris allegedly testing positively for the virus. Again I'll report back if my team can drum any more evidence together.

Mr_Simnock

Anyone else looking forward to prime minister eric pickles? That's all that will be left at this rate

Thomas

I presume the Queen has already been tested. It's an obvious step following the Charles-19 diagnosis. If she has been tested, and found medically safe and sound, you'd think they say so, wouldn't they, to put the nation's subconscious at rest? And yet this is all the palace can splutter:

Quote'HMQ remains in good health. The Queen last saw the PM on the 11th March and is following all the appropriate advice with regards to her welfare. We will not be commenting further.'

No outright declaration. Ergo, the Queen also has it. I know, I know, it's serious.

KennyMonster

So one of the Dominics is in charge now.

Not the evil Dominic,  but the stupid "Yes I know what a Dover Crossings are" Dominic.

phantom_power

I read someone on Twitter the other day that said the best way for most people to get tested is to cough in a rich person's face and wait for their test results. Sounds about right

Pseudopath

German newspapers are surely the best at finding suitable photos to illustrate their articles: https://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/boris-johnson-positiv-auf-coronavirus-getestet-a-bc851563-d8d2-4889-b151-072be2372ec6

That fucking face! HE'S RAGING!

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Pseudopath on March 27, 2020, 02:17:49 PM
German newspapers are surely the best at finding suitable photos to illustrate their articles: https://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/boris-johnson-positiv-auf-coronavirus-getestet-a-bc851563-d8d2-4889-b151-072be2372ec6

That fucking face! HE'S RAGING!

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Pseudopath

Sie müssen Ihren Browser so konfigurieren, dass Cookies akzeptiert werden.

Anyway...this was the photo:



Beautiful.

imitationleather

He said he didn't like it, but he'd have to go along with it.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Pseudopath on March 27, 2020, 02:23:59 PM
Sie müssen Ihren Browser so konfigurieren, dass Cookies akzeptiert werden.

Anyway...this was the photo:



Beautiful.

Das Bald?


BlodwynPig


imitationleather

"No, I was saying 'The Boris, the'!"

BlodwynPig

Quote from: imitationleather on March 27, 2020, 02:27:21 PM
"No, I was saying 'The Boris, the'!"

Oh by the way, Ron passed away recently


BlodwynPig


Ferris

Quote from: imitationleather on March 27, 2020, 02:25:35 PM
He said he didn't like it, but he'd have to go along with it.

Laughed out loud on a conference call you bastard

idunnosomename

Quote from: Pseudopath on March 27, 2020, 02:23:59 PM
Sie müssen Ihren Browser so konfigurieren, dass Cookies akzeptiert werden.

Anyway...this was the photo:



Beautiful.
sadness in his eyes

Twonty Gostelow

Is this the Have I Got News For You guy?  Aww, I like him.