Seal farts after looking directly at me.

[Glebe]

Seal farts after looking directly at me.

[BlodwynPig]

Happens to the best of us

[Johnny Yesno]

Don't tell me what to do, you dirty old bollocks.

[idunnosomename]

Hs fart

[Pijlstaart]

That isn't a seal. It is two different colours, like a pill capsule or a swizzels drumstick or half a battenberg, two colours, so it wouldn't be a seal. It is something else.

In primary school there was a hefty young boy called Alistair, loved the military and he started an insurgency called Alistair's army which forcibly enlisted or waged war upon playground citizens. I was unfit for a combat role, and my army duties were largely clerical. Alistair was eventually cornered by the fiercest dinner-lady whilst attempting to scale a stucco outbuilding, and as he was berated, I noted his immense quivering arse was at face-height and I went slap-happy on it, disciplinary, repeated two-hand slaps, I played the song of my ancestors upon him. Alistair was an inveterate soldier and an agent of chaos, he had no ideals and no values, and I wanted to punish him the way you'd punish a dog, because that was the only thing I thought he'd understand, but as I slapped I felt something stir within him, a haunting beautiful melody came forth from the darkness against my hands and face, and where I played percussion he played wind, strained at first, but rising in a triumphant brassy timbre. It was though we were connected, by song and by smell, my hair swept back and my eyelids forced upon. Incredibly emotive experience, honorable mention in the end of year review, 6/10.

They wouldn't know, Glebe.

[Gregory Torso]

^ Good Lord, that is a great post.

[Glebe]

That really is amazing.

[idunnosomename]

i watched the video now and i recommend

[Pingers]

Hats off to pijlstaart there, what a gem

[thenoise]

[Twit 2]

Not how I imagined him.

[idunnosomename]

i watched this on a collab work youtube account by accident and now it's the last watched thing in our history

[easytarget]

This thread made me want to find out what Seal has been up to.

Well, 22 years ago he released an album with this cover:


So. That's a thing we can all enjoy.

[shiftwork2]

Spook!

[idunnosomename]

seal has lupus on his face

[Johnny Yesno]

In primary school there was a hefty young boy called Alistair, loved the military and he started an insurgency called Alistair's army which forcibly enlisted or waged war upon playground citizens. I was unfit for a combat role, and my army duties were largely clerical. Alistair was eventually cornered by the fiercest dinner-lady whilst attempting to scale a stucco outbuilding, and as he was berated, I noted his immense quivering arse was at face-height and I went slap-happy on it, disciplinary, repeated two-hand slaps, I played the song of my ancestors upon him. Alistair was an inveterate soldier and an agent of chaos, he had no ideals and no values, and I wanted to punish him the way you'd punish a dog, because that was the only thing I thought he'd understand, but as I slapped I felt something stir within him, a haunting beautiful melody came forth from the darkness against my hands and face, and where I played percussion he played wind, strained at first, but rising in a triumphant brassy timbre. It was though we were connected, by song and by smell, my hair swept back and my eyelids forced upon. Incredibly emotive experience, honorable mention in the end of year review, 6/10.

Ah, you're a true artist, Pijly. Like myself, you're a lover not a fighter and, most importantly, a drummer at heart. Thank you for sharing this incredibly touching watershed moment.

[Replies From View]

There's a few deleted portions of Steve Reich's Different Trains that are mainly, if not entirely, all about seals farting and then looking directly into your eyes for a response.

In its original unedited form quite a manly album from ol' Reich boy