VIRTUAL WETHERSPOONS

[Lemming]

With all of the virtual pubs going on at the minute due to the lockdown, it's time for HS Art to have one.

Come in! Welcome to Virtual Wetherspoons!

There's currently some kind of meetup happening on one of the other tables - possibly BNP - but we can work around them.

Mind the piss on your way in. There's three piss-patches on the floor, so watch your step.

I've saved a seat for all of you at the last table. There are pro-Brexit pamphlets for all of us too!

[Ferris]

Thanks but I'm just going to sit on my own at the bar.

[chveik]

pint of fresh cum please

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Just ordered gravy browning on the app with some sugar cubes and a fresh menu right out of the packet. I have engraved the number 113 on a metal disc and screwed it to my dining room table. I have assaulted a European and told them to fuck off back to their stinking frog legs shithole. I have stored 50l of vomit cig ash and turds to apply to the carpet. I have imported a fruit machine from the Philippines. There are clearly gratis tea facilities across the room. I have put my TV on News 24 with subtitles. Apparently CRAP FOR DORIS is blending on Gritter.

[seepage]

Got a beer tap and poured all my wine into a keg.

[spaghetamine]

Nervously snorting cocaine in the toilets, might smear some poo and blood on the walls.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Putting a giant poster of a steak pie over the rubbish display of children's drawings.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Drank four pints of heavy then vocally moaned about 'the wankers eating their breakfasts' to nobody in particular.

[Glebe]

"Excuse me, this virtual food is an absolutely disgusting stone-cold watery mess."

[Janie Jones]

Eating freshly-squeezed Helman's Mayonnaise out of my hand[nb]Someone on CaB actually saw this happen in a real-life Spoons and I think of it every time I pass one[/nb] while retweeting every Radio 4 comedians's endlessly-repeated joke about the length of time necessary to get to and from the bogs.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Ha, someone on another forum once mentioned they saw some gormless bloke following his partner round an Asda emptying mayonnaise sachets into their mouth and dropping the sachets on the ground. That's stuck with me for over a decade.

[ollyboro]

Right, that's my phone's sat nav set, I've written out some letters to be read by my loved ones in the event I don't make it back, I've got my altitude equipment..... that's me away for a piss.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gammon cluster by the fruit machines

[Cloud]

Heaving at the bar.  Think I'll just use the App.

[shiftwork2]

App has a new atmosphere setting.  Unfortunately it's stuck on 'dining dead stare into the bottom of their pints'.

[Cloud]

They just brought over my burger and it came with about 3 chips.  Definitely not as generous as they used to be

Gonna post on Reddit and see if anyone gets things sent to my table

[Lemming]

The virtual toilets are now closed due to virtual shit being all over the floor and walls.

The BNP meetup seems to be expanding in size - at least 20~ people now. Some of them are glaring at us.

VIRTUAL WETHERSPOONS has now put in a three-yorkshire-puddings-per-person rule, because some bastard ruined last night's buffet by taking the entire fucking table for himself.

There is a gammon in the corner, inhaling his entire Virtual Roast in seconds. He has noticed us.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Hovering daintily over the toilet so as not to get germs on my precious, precious backside, pissing all over the seat as a result, and not cleaning it up because "ewwwwwwwww wee-wee"

[PlanktonSideburns]

only come in for a piss

[Fambo Number Mive]

Couple of lads putting chewing gum on one of the ads above the urinals.

[GMTV]

Wait until you're absolutely bursting for a piss, then walk around your house for twenty minutes to simulate the usual siting of a Wetherspoons lavvy.

Edit beaten to it above

[idunnosomename]

ordering food at the bar while anxiously keeping an eye on my table i memorised the number for

yes, i could use the app, but, i want to take advantage of beer and burger and have a decent pint of something

HHAHHAHA SPOONS DONT GO THERE AFTER ALL THIS THEYRE HORRIBLE

[Fambo Number Mive]

A few too many children running around shrieking, nearly knocking over the pints of people sitting putting a smile on their sad faces.

[Lemming]

Coronavirus cases have been detected inside VIRTUAL WETHERSPOONS. We are now quarantined here and cannot leave.

[Ferris]

That's fine, I'll just stay at the bar. Thanks.