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March 29, 2024, 03:25:16 PM

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Jon Rons

Started by popcorn, April 05, 2020, 10:37:05 PM

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popcorn

on.




I'd agreed to meet Chris at a cafe outside the factory where he made his prize-winning sausages.

"I don't even like making sausages," Chris told me. "It doesn't make any money, even though I win prizes for them. But it's the only way I can find of continuing to eat sausages -  I enjoy them with my breakfast several times a week. Honestly, if there were some other way of getting hold of sausages, I wouldn't bother making them myself at all. It's ruined my marriage."

"Why don't you just buy sausages someone else has made?" I asked.

There was a silence.

"I never thought about it like that before," said Chris.

Ferris

I met Delia in a small cafe, near her home.

"I'm bored!", she said, "cooking is boring!"

"Why don't you try something new", I said, "like football, or alcohol or something"

"Wow!", she said, "I'd never thought of ttthat before, thanks!"

On the flight back to Singapore I wondered if I'd said the wrong thing. If she decided to drink alcohol, and watch football, then maybe anything could happen to her. I checked my emails - no updates. I hoped she would be sensible, so I emailed her "BE SENSIBLE" as soon as I landed in Nairobi, before drifting off to a restless sleep...



[cont'd for 240 pages]

Ferris

Why the fuck is a drunken Delia smith the first thing I think of that Ronson would be interested in? I've lost my touch.

popcorn

Sarah agreed to talk to me over Skype.

"I'm afraid that years of climbing in and out of my house via the window have taken their toll on my knees and back," she told me. "But I have to be able to exit and enter my home to do basic things like go to work or buy food for my three sons."

After our conversation, I went for a walk in the park. Something about what she'd told me stuck in my mind. As soon as I got home, I rushed to my computer and typed "openings into buildings that aren't windows" into Google. Then I called her back on Skype.

"Why don't you just use the front door like everyone else?" I asked her.

There was a silence.

"I must admit, I've never thought of that," said Sarah. "I'll do that from now on."