Comedy moments that form part of your everyday inner monologue

[non capisco]

Rainier Wolfcastle on The Simpsons saying "IT'S NOT A COMEDY" whenever I'm talking about some grim documentary or depressing film I've just watched, as is my wont.

[MjjW]

Someone mentions a timeframe? "Brian May should be playing for an hour! 3 hour!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3nN-oUYK3M&t=1m43s

[alan nagsworth]

Down The Line/Bellamy's People are incredible quoting material. It's almost certainly because it's meant to be representative of the hysterical responses and thought processes of British people and of course that's what makes it so relatable.

Consequently I find myself saying "why do they have to keep mucking about with everything" whenever I see the slightest change in anything. I did it the other day when I noticed Sainsbury's had changed the box design on their store brand blueberry wheats.

[petril]

Consequently I find myself saying "why do they have to keep mucking about with everything" whenever I see the slightest change in anything. I did it the other day when I noticed Sainsbury's had changed the box design on their store brand blueberry wheats.

and crossing the streams, the immediate response is "it's Royal Mail and The Spastics Society!"

[Cold Meat Platter]

 After watching a bit of Francis "Viper" Higgins recently I can't stop saying the word "Mer-see-days" to myself.

[Fr.Bigley]

When someone is super loud and camp I just think to myself in a perfect sir Hugh mahargs  tone..."they muck about!"

[kalowski]

and crossing the streams, the immediate response is "it's Royal Mail and The Spastics Society!"

I said this to my wife just yesterday.

[Shaky]

After watching a bit of Francis "Viper" Higgins recently I can't stop saying the word "Mer-see-days" to myself.

"I'm gonna have another Boost, John!" for me.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

Rainier Wolfcastle on The Simpsons saying "IT'S NOT A COMEDY" whenever I'm talking about some grim documentary or depressing film I've just watched, as is my wont.

Also if some men are having a bro-down moment "HEY FUN BOYS, GET A ROOM!"

Edit: Just realised that it isn't Wolfcastle who says this line. Doesn't matter, it's voice in my head.

[alan nagsworth]

Surely the most widely-applicable Wolfcastle line is "that's the joke"? That's in my head all the bloody time.

[jobotic]

A couple of shouty Partridge ones I use regularly in everyday situations:

"TRY AND REMEMBER!!!!" from the Knowing Me Knowing You radio series (can't remember the exact episode) and:

"STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!!!!"
not usually bellowed into a traffic cone though..

I liven up many a journey by endlessly shouting STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO at the satnav.

I have said to my kids, paraphrasing Bart Simpson, "can you at least try to try?"

[petril]

whenever anyone is introducing themselves and listing a load of jobs/roles they do, I am obliged to add a pretentious "...plus actor". mentally at least, because there's no mechanism to sit them at a typewriter in space

[drummersaredeaf]

Another League of Gents one popped into my head earlier:

"They've got computers!"

[drummersaredeaf]

And "You wouldn't, would you. But you might!".

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I think of Troy McClure saying "that's not a question, professor" every time I see someone ending a declarative statement with a question mark.

Same here. I even toyed with the idea of making a sock puppet account for this very purpose. I ultimately couldn't be bothered though.

[rack and peanut]

Peter Serafinowicz practicing his lines in the mirror:

(Reading) I will do so immediately sir
(To the mirror) I will do so immediately...

...

(Checks page) Sir

Usually when the missus asks me to do something

[petril]

sadly, because it involves J*m D*v*ds*n, my in-head response to "what [the hell] are you talking about?" is always "THE FUCKING... GARDEN OF EDEN"

[Kryton]

I've used 'don't swear, there's a child's bike outside' more than once.

[Kryton]

And when people volunteer for some menial or boring role, my mind always says 'Good luck, we're all counting on you'.

[trabuch]

Hey. Wha haaapen?

[petril]

the urge to explain the one drawback to a plan by saying it's an excellent plan, with just two minor drawbacks. In a Bob Llewellyn dodgy Canadian accent.

also, explaining quietness in terms of there being nooooooo sounds to heeeeeear

[Blue Jam]

Been watching Mad Men again lately and realised I can't think of the actor Jon Hamm by any name other than "HAMM!" thanks to Toast of London.

Also I hear "charisma" as "charis-meeeeehhhhhhh" thanks to that very same episode.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I've used 'don't swear, there's a child's bike outside' more than once.

Any sight of Roy Walker makes me think of 'you pissed on your Mr Chips, there'.

[Blue Jam]

Thanks to Nathan For You "You know what I feel like? A mother-effing beer" is getting plenty of use in our house.

[Blue Jam]

"My wife's gonna kill me" every time I see a Labrador. In my mind every Labrador is also called Greg Mitchell.

[Cold Meat Platter]

He is a gorgeous sandy-coloured Labrador.

[non capisco]

Been watching Mad Men again lately and realised I can't think of the actor Jon Hamm by any name other than "HAMM!" thanks to Toast of London.

Also I hear "charisma" as "charis-meeeeehhhhhhh" thanks to that very same episode.

If I'm channel hopping and happen on Al-Jazeera I always say it in my head like Toast does. Al-Jazeeerughhhhhhhhh.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Whenever someone is whining about something that isn't going to change just because they're whining about it:

All I can hear is Woody Allen in the courtroom scene from Bananas:

"It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham."

[the midnight watch baboon]

If something repetitive is grinding my gears - unending doomy news alerts, annoying neighbour running motorbike in shed, endless thoughts of self-demise blah de blah, I often think of John Cleese guesting as a shrink in Cheers when he tells Sam & Diane that they shouldn't get married and they turn up at his hotel room to glean more info for the umpteenth time in an evening:

(With essential Cleeseian dryness:) "Ah, I wondered what was keeping you, I was beginning to get worried..."

(S5E21 Simon Says)

[kalowski]

Which reminds me of another favourite of mine.
"I thank God I wore my corset because I think my sides have split."