Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 12:35:53 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Comedy moments that form part of your everyday inner monologue

Started by Thomas, April 06, 2020, 09:37:14 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

The Mollusk

Quote from: paruses on August 12, 2020, 08:53:16 AM
Another Simon Day one if someone does an accent - "can't do the accent" (was that the character who told tall tales?)

"Listen, maaan, I can make your beer ice cold, maaan!"

petril

Quote from: paruses on August 12, 2020, 08:53:16 AM
"Get out m'house" - when someone tells me or shows me something underwhelming.

Another Simon Day one if someone does an accent - "can't do the accent" (was that the character who told tall tales?)

And could he do the acccent? Could he f-

phes

Either strut your stuff or bog off has been an internal/external any time someone needs to stand up and be counted for about twenty five years now

Sebastian Cobb

Any mention of 'U.H.T.' -> 'but there's no demand for that, 'cos it's shite'.

wooders1978

Not really comedy but I always say "thanks a lot Rachel! Thanks a lot YOU IDIOT" when my iPad doesn't charge despite being plugged in, which occasionally happens for reasons unknown

https://youtu.be/jUQ_53sS-YY

petril


Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

When I go round to my parents' and my dad is hiding in his cave upstairs:

"Where is that elderly old man? Old maaan!"

Coprolite

Whenever something that's more than slightly surprising happens, particularly if driving at speed, my inner voice quotes from Spottiswoode when faced with the giant socialist weasel: "jeeeesuuus tittyfucking chriiiist!"

Benjaminos

already mentioned, but someone in one of our slack channels asked 'what do people think about this new 'persistent memory' storage?' yesterday.

and like pavlov's dog, my brain went 'what do I think about persistent memory storage? i like it, i think it's good'

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on August 29, 2020, 11:47:37 AM
Any mention of 'U.H.T.' -> 'but there's no demand for that, 'cos it's shite'.

UHT is really popular in Poland to the point where most don't really like the taste of fresh milk, so my time over there (and with my ex who insisted on buying overpriced UHT from the Polish shops over here) had me thinking of that line a lot.

Fr.Bigley

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on September 02, 2020, 01:00:05 PM
UHT is really popular in Poland to the point where most don't really like the taste of fresh milk, so my time over there (and with my ex who insisted on buying overpriced UHT from the Polish shops over here) had me thinking of that line a lot.

It's not supernatural, it's decades of not having a lot, people grow accustomed to the taste of something despite how shite it is. My grandad was mad on lunch tongue from growing up on it in Ireland in the 30's. Things become popular through ubiquity; I imagine that was because of that old Paul McCartney song.

jamiefairlie

Quote from: Fr.Bigley on September 03, 2020, 03:55:17 PM
It's not supernatural, it's decades of not having a lot, people grow accustomed to the taste of something despite how shite it is. My grandad was mad on lunch tongue from growing up on it in Ireland in the 30's. Things become popular through ubiquity; I imagine that was because of that old Paul McCartney song.

American "chocolate"

Fr.Bigley

Quote from: jamiefairlie on September 03, 2020, 03:59:32 PM
American "chocolate"

I think it was back in the USSR, but the american chocolate B-side with Barry White was grand.

jobotic

QuoteRum: You have a woman's bottom, my Lady! I'll wager that sweet round pair of peaches
has never been forced 'twixt two splintered planks, to plug
a leak and save a ship!

Queen: Certainly hasn't, and I'm quite pleased about it! Anyway,
what's wrong with women's bottoms?

It's the bold bit (or isn't, haven't, whatever)

famethrowa

Quote from: jobotic on September 03, 2020, 04:36:42 PM
It's the bold bit (or isn't, haven't, whatever)

I like to paraphrase Rum when any seagoing craft is mentioned, I've twisted it into "has that boat had seven sweaty seamen tossing in it?"

The Mollusk

Quote from: Fr.Bigley on September 03, 2020, 03:55:17 PM
My grandad was mad on lunch tongue from

I bet he was the dirty old bollocks

I bet he fucking was

Fr.Bigley

Quote from: The Mollusk on September 04, 2020, 10:06:54 AM
I bet he was the dirty old bollocks

I bet he fucking was

You know it makes fucking sense sweetie.

kalowski

"I bet he says 'ehnvelope', and 'larngerie', and eats sarndwiches on the settee!"

"No more buttered scones for me, mater, I'm orf to play the grand piano"

"Pardon me while I fly my aeroplane" and

"An gahp! An gahp in one's hoop!"

All said if anyone in my family gets a bit formal in their language (especially the fucking nine year old)


easytarget

After performing small, ineffective tidying up:
Quote from: 'eddie'
no one would ever know

Ferris

Not a comedy moment, but I remember a vending machine at school having an "out of order" sign, and some sixth formers vandalizing it to say "bang out of order" as if the vending machine had done something reprehensible and was switched off to think about what it had done.

Every time I see an "out of order" sign, I consider doing the same thing. Just saw one in a coffee shop and chuckled to myself at the memory.

The Mollusk

When myself or someone else comes up with a good suggestion or plan or idea, I often find myself thinking "NICELY PROPOSED, COXY!"

Quote from: easytarget on September 09, 2020, 05:26:56 AM
After performing small, ineffective tidying up:

Been using this one regularly for coming up for 30 years now, glad I'm not the only one. I generally use it for botched jobs that I've vaguely disguised the botchedness of.

petril

Quote from: The Mollusk on September 20, 2020, 10:52:28 AM
When myself or someone else comes up with a good suggestion or plan or idea, I often find myself thinking "NICELY PROPOSED, COXY!"

I often pause at the sight of an escalating dispute, anticpating YOU FAT BASTARD before the gammon windmills spin up

non capisco

Another Chart Music Podcast one, due to a tiny moment in one of the episodes with Sarah Bee on where she's talking about 80s pop star mononyms, whenever I see or hear anything in a documentary where someone is listing names as examples (ie. "Milton, Keats, Yeats") I will now always hear the voice of Al Needham chipping in with "Bungle."

zomgmouse

whenever I hear "local" X, I always say "local X for local people"

SpiderChrist

If someone says "Good idea" I hear "OF COURSE IT'S A GOOD IDEA!" in King Otto's voice from that Python Fairy Tale sketch.

famethrowa

A couple of Simpsons ones I always use:

- "always with the magnets...."

- "this is the biggest ripoff since Webster!" (as said by Gary Coleman)


Fr.Bigley

seeing a blind person in the street.

".........OW DO YA SHAAAAAVE?"