Fucking HELL I'm fed up: How are YOU doing?

[jobotic]

Being anxious all the fucking time is exhausting

[Thomas]

Some shit on my street has acquired a saxophone but hasn't got past playing 3 notes, repeatedly, all afternoon.

That's Morse code and they're asking for help

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Weirdest birthday ever, Happy birthday to me.


Apart from the first one. Coming out of my mum's vadge and that...

[Mr_Simnock]

I'm doing all those house jobs I never get round to doing, still quite a few to do yet though. I've done a shit ton of work in the garden and also sorted out my little den room too so that's the two biggest jobs out of the way now and it's felt really good to do both.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Weirdest birthday ever, Happy birthday to me.

Best Wishes from all the lads on the Ark Royal!

[greencalx]

I'm doing all those house jobs I never get round to doing, still quite a few to do yet though. I've done a shit ton of work in the garden and also sorted out my little den room too so that's the two biggest jobs out of the way now and it's felt really good to do both.

I bought a hedge trimmer, which is a lot of fun.

Downside is that there's now a huge pile of trimmings, and brown bin collections are suspended...

[sirhenry]

Weirdest birthday ever, Happy birthday to me.

You share it with my daughter and my father, both of whom said much the same.

Many happy returns (to lockdown)!

[chveik]

happy birthday AI and thank you for your photoshopping service

[Small Man Big Horse]

One of my housemates took my ready meal out of the microwave when it was only half done and put his in, claiming he needed to eat quickly though god knows why as he never leaves the house and doesn't work. This made me murderously angry, so it appears my mental health is in sharp decline right now.

[seepage]

partner chose this exact moment in history to have our back doors smashed in i.e. no kitchen, washing machine, running water, boiler etc. etc. Would have been a piece of piss otherwise as we're quite unsociable cunts.

ps. that was a bit selfish - thanks to everyone posting for the fun

[bgmnts]

One of my housemates took my ready meal out of the microwave when it was only half done and put his in, claiming he needed to eat quickly though god knows why as he never leaves the house and doesn't work. This made me murderously angry, so it appears my mental health is in sharp decline right now.

I think when this is all over you need to move. He sounds like one of the worst cunts going.

Borderline sociopathic.

[Sebastian Cobb]

If anyone's at a loose end The Conversation is on BBC2 at 11 tonight.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

happy birthday AI and thank you for your photoshopping service

Thanks. I drank a bottle of champagne. Now I'm lying in bed with a headache.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I've not got cancer balls. It's some calcification like (and I quote) a pearl in an oyster shell.

My mum is still in hospital with a possible head wrong though.

The man with the oystery shell (HS Art joke)

Congrats on only having calcified bollocks!

[Misspent Boners]

One of my housemates took my ready meal out of the microwave when it was only half done and put his in, claiming he needed to eat quickly though god knows why as he never leaves the house and doesn't work. This made me murderously angry, so it appears my mental health is in sharp decline right now.

Sorry but that's funny out of context, just because of how ridiculous hisimpatience is

[Brian Freeze]

I bought a hedge trimmer, which is a lot of fun.

Downside is that there's now a huge pile of trimmings, and brown bin collections are suspended...

Swan Vestas mate.

Do it on a thursday as an NHS bonfire. Sorted.

[Brian Freeze]

I am legitimately aware (and trying to plan for) the fact this might potentially be my very last year.

Is there anything we can do to help H-O-W-L?  Any and all including half baked ideas considered.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I think when this is all over you need to move. He sounds like one of the worst cunts going.

Borderline sociopathic.

I appreciate the response but he's just a completely self-obsessed, selfish manchild. What worries me is my response, normally I'd think "What a dick" and walk away, but I was seeing red at the time and had to stop myself from unleashing a torrent of abuse. I guess it's partially a build up of being fed up of the amount of noise he makes at unsociable hours, and the way he makes the house stink of weed, but it was still a response which would have been completely uncalled for. I'm a lot snappier in general too, which isn't good, and am just feeling pretty stressed more and more often.

[Sherringford Hovis]

Eating exactly 14 blueberries on their breakfast yoghurt every day. Putting four (4) lonely blueberries back in the fridge because "There were 19." WHERE IS MISSING BLUEBERRY

Every day: take off sleeping knickers, put new knickers on before showering, shower, re-wear partially worn knickers then 20 minutes later take a vegetarian dump that could bludgeon a rhino to death, then 75% chance of new knickers. WHY NOT DUMP, SHOWER, THEN NEW KNICKERS YOU OBVIOUS ALIEN ROBOT DISGUISED AS PRETEND HUMAN I AM WASHING 18+ PAIRS OF KNICKERS A WEEK

Using a new teaspoon for every mug of coffee every day. Rinse out same mug 7-12 times for best enjoyment Aldi brown coffee-alike freeze-dry particulate BUT NEW TEASPOON EVERY TIME then complain on cup 8 that "Someone has used all the teaspoons". Every day except Thursdays. WHY RINSE TEASPOON EVERY THURSDAY and no other day? WHY use CAPS i AM having A StRokE

[idunnosomename]

it's really gonna come down to the crunch for some families now we are only just halfway through it. also CHEERS TO AL FOR A BIRTHDAY. im going to have an isolation bday too but dont care because i hate my birthdays.

[vainsharpdad]

Does everyone here work in IT then?

[idunnosomename]

sadly no tho have dabbled in it

[sirhenry]

Does everyone here work in IT then?

Everyone except the rest of us.

[Blue Jam]

Belated happy birthday to you Al. I hope you photoshopped yourself a nice birthday card.

Mr Jam and I will be celebrating our eight year anniversary under lockdown. Nando's being closed is a pisser alright.

[greencalx]

Swan Vestas mate.

Do it on a thursday as an NHS bonfire. Sorted.

Considered that, assumed it wouldn't be allowed because apparently wood-burning stoves aren't. Turns out it's actually fair game, as long as it doesn't piss off the neighbours, which it probably would.

[Cloud]

Next phase I think needs to be to stop getting fat.  The misery led to a lot of consumption of chocolate etc during a time that should have been ideal for weight loss.

[Buelligan]

I'm brilliant, ta.  Obviously concerned for everyone that's having a shit time but if you're asking about my personal time, I'm having the best time ever.  Guaranteed no visitors.  Empty mountain.  No work and yet getting enough money to survive (and that's all I need).  Had my dose already and feeling virtually normal again.  Weather's improving every day.  Getting enough sleep.  Getting loads of stuff done that I've wanted done for ages but never had any time.  The rose is flowering in the courtyard.  If life could remain like this forever, it would be perfect for me.

[the]

Self-deluding that I'm enjoying myself on yet another dead Friday.

Still, tomorrow's another day isn't it. A very fucking samey one.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Bought meself a game where the object is to grow vast quantities of weed

also feeling p smug because our R0 is down to 0.8

all this misery is working

[Blue Jam]

I was wondering how a weed simulator would work when you mentioned it elsewhere.

Think I'll just watch more Trailer Park Boys.