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Captain Tom Moore

Started by weekender, April 15, 2020, 06:15:12 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Quote from: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 10:42:51 AMEach charity has been given £35,000 from the £32.8m fund

They're all coming out the woodwork now he's famous. He's haemorrhaging hush money quicker than he can make it. Can't keep up with the demand. Back on the zimmer frame, once more round the rockery.

From the upcoming "Captain Tom throughout the ages" glossy supplement in one of this weekends papers


Jerzy Bondov

I genuinely am going to track down Captain Sir Tom Moore and punch his lights out

JamesTC

Quote from: Jerzy Bondov on May 21, 2020, 03:33:23 PM
I genuinely am going to track down Captain Sir Tom Moore and punch his lights out

That is Captain Sir Colonel Tom Moore to you.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

To prove how HARD I am, I'm going to stride right into Sir Colonial Dr Conolol Captain Tom Moore's bedroom, chest out, arms swinging, and SLAM my erect shlong right into his puckered, dry ring.

Jerzy Bondov

I'm going to feed him to a Burmese saltwater crocodile

Interesting match up 1 x Hardened proven warrior 100 years old Vs 3 x slightly puny and meek keyboard warriors.......

I swear I remember someone saying Al Tha Funkee Homosapien suffers with acute erectile dysfunction, rendering his threats on this occasion completely mute. Erection hahahahahahaha

Cuellar

Quote from: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 04:01:29 PM
Interesting match up 1 x Hardened proven warrior 100 years old Vs 3 x slightly puny and meek keyboard warriors.......

He'd get battered. Have you seen the guy?

Cuntbeaks

Dash a cup of fanny grool over the old cunt, it's his Kryptonite. Just don't mix it up with pre-cum from hairless young boys, otherwise he will grow more powerful than you could ever imagine.

Chollis

Quote from: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 10:53:41 AM
I actually understand this angle, but why take it all out on a little old man? Focus your ire on those that matter. You are at risk of sucking the good out of life. And good knows we need some good in life in these times.

I'm off for a shower

you seem to be conveniently glossing over the fact that this man is a child rapist

Abnormal Palm

I keep reading about how people are gonna clothesline the guy until his head is somewhere else fuckkkk :(

BlodwynPig

I'm going to bundle him up in some sack cloth and drive 78 miles to a secluded woodland where I will beat him with a pine branch for several hours. I will then take him to an old quarry and throw him over some aggregate. He will then be placed in a wheelbarrow and taken to a nearby lake where I will leave him in the tepid shallows for several angst ridden minutes. I will put a foxglove and a deadly nightshade in his lapels and burn his shoe laces. Finally I will return him home with a note stuck to his forehead saying "The Hard Man Woz Ere"

I will do this for 100 days for charity

dissolute ocelot

Quote from: idunnosomename on May 21, 2020, 11:20:17 AM
Thomas Becket also didn't do anything of merit in his life but at least he had the decency to have his brains smashed out before he was deified

That's not true, he worked as a tax collector for several years, being praised for his skills at screwing money out of the population. If we had more like him we wouldn't need Captain Tom.

Zetetic


Quote from: BlodwynPig on May 21, 2020, 05:07:09 PM
I'm going to bundle him up in some sack cloth and drive 78 miles to a secluded woodland where I will beat him with a pine branch for several hours. I will then take him to an old quarry and throw him over some aggregate. He will then be placed in a wheelbarrow and taken to a nearby lake where I will leave him in the tepid shallows for several angst ridden minutes. I will put a foxglove and a deadly nightshade in his lapels and burn his shoe laces. Finally I will return him home with a note stuck to his forehead saying "The Hard Man Woz Ere"

I will do this for 100 days for charity

I'm off for a peach nut shell scrub.

Butchers Blind

Given the chance, I reckon I could take Sir Tom.  I'm no Paul Sykes but at 100, it's an easy win.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 06:49:32 PM
I'm off for a peach nut shell scrub.

You'll be red raw by the time I'm finished with you.

CaB Members Unite! Back my campaign to see Sir Tomothy Moore imprisoned for historical war crimes!

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien


idunnosomename

Quote from: dissolute ocelot on May 21, 2020, 05:07:16 PM
That's not true, he worked as a tax collector for several years, being praised for his skills at screwing money out of the population. If we had more like him we wouldn't need Captain Tom.
you dont get made a saint for being lord chancellor! I bet becket never walked around his garden at lambeth palace once!!!!!!!!

Hand Solo

Once all the hysteria dies off and people have these makeshift Captain Toms laying about in their foyers and garages, come November I'm sure many people will make use of them as Guys for the bonfire.

Hopefully someone will get mixed up and mistakenly put real Captain Tom on a bonfire and the cunt will go up like a fogey firelighter.

BlodwynPig

A company in Essex have started manufacturing Cap'n Tom Fuck Dolls! I won't link here as very NSFW

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Unless you work in the Fucking Old Men Factory.

idunnosomename

we're working hard through the night to get them on shelves tomorrow for your fucking pleasure

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Quote from: idunnosomename on May 21, 2020, 10:47:29 PM
we're working hard through the night to get them on shelves tomorrow for your fucking pleasure

#keyworkers

flotemysost




CAPTAIN TOM                  RAPED 17M+
                      FOR US






This one's missing a satsuma in his gob.


Hand Solo

And when Captain Tom Moore saw the breadth of his garden, he wept, for there were no more wogs to bugger.

rack and peanut

What's he bitter about? Having to get out of his comfy chair?

Abnormal Palm

I would personally donate three grand to see the guy attempt the Travellator off Gladiators.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Abnormal Palm on May 22, 2020, 07:47:33 AM
I would personally donate three grand to see the guy attempt the Travellator off Gladiators.

woke up this morning and my first thought was clapping monkey gif

Cuntbeaks

I heard from a very reliable source, that this old cunt is none other than Goatse himself.