Captain Tom Moore

[Abnormal Palm]

woke up this morning and my first thought was clapping monkey gif

I actually didn't clap but I will be clapping EVERY NIGHT from now on

[Jerzy Bondov]

Pleased to announce my charity boxing match with Captain Tom Moore has been cancelled because I "cleaned [his] clock" at the weigh in

[Hand Solo]

I heard from a very reliable source, that this old cunt is none other than Goatse himself.

Come on now, that really is a bit of a stretch.

[Cuntbeaks]

Come on now, that really is a bit of a stretch.

He went round that house so many times, by the end he was doing Pro Laps.

[Bronzy]

captain tom more dick in my ass please

[ImmaculateClump]

I think it would be nice if we buried him standing up with his little head sticking out the ground like a shrivelled turnip and then somebody like Jonny Wilko could come and boot it high into the sky and score a conversion.
2 pointer. What a treat!
I'd like the crowd to be singing "swiiing looow, sweet heeeeeid the baaaaw" as his little turnip flew through the air.

We could convince him that he's dead and that he needs to be buried, give him some shit about it helping the NHS or his fallen comrades or something.
Get the doddering hunchback down in the ground and pack the earth nice and tight around his shoulders.

"Oh look, it's Jonny Wilko. Do you recognise him from the telly?" Wilko does that thing where they take 5 big strides backwards, two to the left, sucks his finger, holds it up to check the wind. Huge thighs pumping away, studs ripping up the turf, crowd going "wooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAH!" as he gets closer.
Punt!

The crowd swaying side to side waving their arms above their heads and serenading the head on it's way "Weeee'll meet agaaaain, don't know wheeeere, don't know wheeeeen!".

[BlodwynPig]

I think it would be nice if we buried him standing up with his little head sticking out the ground like a shrivelled turnip and then somebody like Jonny Wilko could come and boot it high into the sky and score a conversion.
2 pointer. What a treat!
I'd like the crowd to be singing "swiiing looow, sweet heeeeeid the baaaaw" as his little turnip flew through the air.

We could convince him that he's dead and that he needs to be buried, give him some shit about it helping the NHS or his fallen comrades or something.
Get the doddering hunchback down in the ground and pack the earth nice and tight around his shoulders.

"Oh look, it's Jonny Wilko. Do you recognise him from the telly?" Wilko does that thing where they take 5 big strides backwards, two to the left, sucks his finger, holds it up to check the wind. Huge thighs pumping away, studs ripping up the turf, crowd going "wooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAH!" as he gets closer.
Punt!

The crowd swaying side to side waving their arms above their heads and serenading the head on it's way "Weeee'll meet agaaaain, don't know wheeeere, don't know wheeeeen!".

Just sent that to Dan Walker and Naga Squeeeeechetty for peer-review

[idunnosomename]

#ClapfortheGoatseMan

[BlodwynPig]

Fucking hell. I've shared this nugget of information across all my social media platforms and its gaining traction...

Nick Knowles writes on Instagram 'Shocked and Saddened at hearing the news that Tom Moore is GOATSE, I'm still in therapy 20 years later. Sick bastard'

Jennifer Saunders pipes up on Facebook 'He may have raised lots of money, but the GOATSE revelations change all that.'

Les Dawson speaks from the Grave on Graver 'Glad I wasn't hosting Blankety Blank at the time. Vile, disgraceful, criminal behaviour. Old Nick and God have told me he is not welcome in either of their houses and Jacques Le Goff, Lord of Purgatory won't have him either... guess the living are stuck with the creepy cunt'

[Pseudopath]

Ha ha! Love the idea of a site called Graver. Although you just know it would be spelt GrVr.

[Hand Solo]

Spike the cunt with bad acid then bury him alive in a cheap coffin papered with the faces of his child victims, have a pipe for air to prolong the torture that has a big conical trumpet at the end so all the kids of the village can hear his amplified wheezing wails of torment, also allows kids to shout nasty things down it to further disorientate and distress the perambulating pederast. That'll learn him.

[BlodwynPig]

Jacob Bronowski Presents The Descent of Man

"The rise of Sir Tom Moore to the upper echelons of the British establishment, his veneration and subsequent preservation as a specimen of humankind so superior that thousands of citizens were imprisoned for daring to wish him well on his 101st Birthday, exposed an evil at the heart of mankind"

"Were it not for a handful of dissenting voices, one may imagine the fable of Sir Tom Moore and his reimagining as a deity with untrammelled access to young brown boys, would have ultimately led to the collapse of the human population on Planet Earth."

In 2021, after the first great purge of believers, I interviewed one of these Atomists (non-believers), deep inside the secret lair the organisation known only as C.A.B. operated from.

Spike the cunt with bad acid then bury him alive in a cheap coffin papered with the faces of his child victims, have a pipe for air to prolong the torture that has a big conical trumpet at the end so all the kids of the village can hear his amplified wheezing wails of torment, also allows kids to shout nasty things down it to further disorientate and distress the perambulating pederast. That'll learn him.

I think you, the viewer, can join me in agreeing that this particular sentiment was necessary and correct.

[idunnosomename]

Ha ha! Love the idea of a site called Graver. Although you just know it would be spelt GrVr.

is that an app for necrophiliacs to pin the location of corpses they've exhumed to share with fellow corpse-fuckers

[Zetetic]

https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2020-05-22-british-sas-soldier-turned-mercenary-dies-aged-86-without-facing-justice-for-war-crimes/

[Hand Solo]

Sri Lanka is well known for British expats exploitation of child prostitution, bet that bloke and Captain Tom had many a 'Jolly Boys Outings' flying over there together. Waving at Arthur C. Clarke over in the window of the next brothel, humming Also Sprach Zarathustra as a hairless youth goes down on him.

[The Bumlord]

This is all a bit unpleasant.

I'd like to strip him naked and swaddle him in the finest blankets available, before rocking him to sleep with a lullaby and a gentle kiss on the forehead.

Then I would bum him.

[idunnosomename]

Captain Cum Moore they called him

[Hand Solo]

Captain Cum Moore they called him

[notjosh]

Captain Cum Moore they called him

I can't be the only one to have noticed that CAPTAIN TOM MOORE is a clever anagram of his army nickname, 'RAPE INTO COMA' TOM.

The brass balls on this fucker. Hiding in plain sight.

[Hand Solo]

Also an anagram of Maniac Poor Totem.

#SATIRE

[idunnosomename]

Anime tomato corp

[ImmaculateClump]

cram potato in moe
M.O. rape tot in coma

[idunnosomename]

RAPE SQUADRON

[Danger Man]

632 squadron: The Arsebusters

[Hand Solo]

M.O. rape tot in coma

That is fucking not on.

Captain Tom would never rape a tot in a coma. He'd want said tot to consciously experience every second of trauma and unpleasantness of his ferocious sexual attack, it gives him a much higher euphoria once he cuts them open and sucks on their still-pumping adrenal gland and vim enough for another lap of the garden.

[idunnosomename]

i would have great respect for Captain Tom if he registered an account here and told us to stop now, because it's got silly. It was funny at first when you were hyperbolically mocking a wealthy man for an empty gesture of walking round his estate, but now it's all gone silly. What with the sadistic raping, and that.

but he wont THE OLD CUNT. IM GONNA PUNCH HIM INTO THE SUN

[Hand Solo]

Tom wouldn't be seen dead using a computer, he heard what happened with Gary Glitter. Nah, he sticks to the tried and trusted methods used by his shady military connections. Like that massive child porn score he was handed personally by Savile when he contrived him an excuse to visit BBC headquarters for an appearance on Blankety Blank on Christmas day 1983. But we've cottoned on now, Tom, people are onto you, you scum.

[Chollis]

i would have great respect for Captain Tom if he registered an account here and told us to stop now, because it's got silly. It was funny at first when you were hyperbolically mocking a wealthy man for an empty gesture of walking round his estate, but now it's all gone silly. What with the sadistic raping, and that.

but he wont THE OLD CUNT. IM GONNA PUNCH HIM INTO THE SUN

Celebrity Deathmatch

Captain Tommy Moore vs Tommy Robinson

ITV3 9pm

[JamesTC]

Celebrity Deathmatch

Captain Tommy Moore vs Tommy Robinson

ITV3 9pm

Naff off. An event like that isn't on ITV 3. It is pay per view. £99.99 for the night. 10% of all proceeds go to the NHS.

[Chollis]

this cunt is worse than Robinson let's be honest