Author Topic: Captain Tom Moore  (Read 28932 times)

Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #840 on: July 28, 2020, 12:46:57 PM »
What's going to be the big pivotal scene of the movie? Fucking Clint Eastwood gurning earnestly with a bead of sweat running down his face ambling across a drive on a walker with great big bombastic music playing and Spitfires flying over? FUCK

Captain Tom meets Naga Munchetty and decides, just for once, that he'll show mercy.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #841 on: July 28, 2020, 12:48:10 PM »
*Looks at rival old man, smiles wryly and says*

"You're gonna need a bigger zimmer"

Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #842 on: July 28, 2020, 01:20:32 PM »
What's going to be the big pivotal scene of the movie? Fucking Clint Eastwood gurning earnestly with a bead of sweat running down his face ambling across a drive on a walker with great big bombastic music playing and Spitfires flying over? FUCK

"I've fucked women and children. I've fucked everything that walks or crawls at one time or another."

Butchers Blind

  • I don't want the undertaker stealing my sins
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #843 on: July 28, 2020, 01:47:29 PM »
Hope we get the Bollywood version too showing the true story.

finnquark

  • come un sogno che va via, ti svegli triste
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #844 on: July 28, 2020, 04:44:05 PM »
Love to see Hopkins get the gig. Doing his middle distance staring whilst someone from the national lottery or whatever congratulates him. Distracted by visions of the horror in the jungle. 'Sorry... don't know where I was then...'


Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #845 on: July 28, 2020, 05:16:11 PM »
The British Slumdog Millionaire.

Fr.Bigley

  • Shall I boil this kettle dry?
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #846 on: July 28, 2020, 06:08:34 PM »
Love to see Hopkins get the gig. Doing his middle distance staring whilst someone from the national lottery or whatever congratulates him. Distracted by visions of the horror in the jungle. 'Sorry... don't know where I was then...'




Wouldn't this staring into the distance be more fitting..


thenoise

  • Golden Member
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Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #847 on: July 28, 2020, 09:04:02 PM »
Quote
Captain Tom has also reportedly agreed to make a two-part documentary with ITV. 

Two part documentary.

Part 1: first 50 laps

chveik

  • I feel like swimmin' in rat piss
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #848 on: July 28, 2020, 09:07:11 PM »
I can see Clint doing it. he sure does love a good right wing 'heroic' tale.

and child rape

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #849 on: July 28, 2020, 09:14:08 PM »
Sure to be a Richard Curtis Britfest instead. Egg from This Life will play his butler and will be called "Egg" and be whacky and hunky and repeatedly break the 4th wall.

Butchers Blind

  • I don't want the undertaker stealing my sins
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #850 on: July 28, 2020, 11:54:46 PM »
Waiting for the Tom Moore VR game.

Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #851 on: July 29, 2020, 06:21:58 AM »
Captain Tom 2000: Space Rapes

Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #852 on: July 29, 2020, 06:56:32 AM »
Hopefully going to be a character in the new Terrordrome

Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #853 on: July 30, 2020, 07:44:53 AM »
(1942. Captian Tom walks with his zimmer frame into the bar at British Army HQ in Bombay. He is wearing traditional Burmese dress and is accompanied by a ten year old Burmese boy. He has been absent without leave for four months. He orders two lemonades. The bar is packed with officers who are all staring at Captain Tom and the boy aghast at the breach of etiquette. Some of them can be heard telling him to 'clear off'. A senior officer enters)

Colenel: Look here Moore, what's this all about? Explain yourself

Captain Tom: We have taken Rangoon. And Singapore

Colenel: Taken Rangoon? Singapore? Who has?

Captain Tom: We have. Our side in this war has.

Colenel: You mean the Japanese have gone?

Captain Tom: No, they're still there but they have no boots.

Captain Tom: Prisioners, sir. We took them prisoners. The entire garrisons.

Colenel: That's impossible

Captain Tom: Yes it is. I did it. Cross my heart and hope to die, its all perfectly true.

(There is an extended silence as the magnitude of what Captain Tom has achieved sinks in. The silence is broken by the hurried footsteps of a radio operator who enters from the rear of the bar)

Radio Operator: Sir, we're still hearing normal Japanese radio traffic from Rangoon and Singapore. The Japanese are still there, sir.

(Captain Tom is grinning)

Colenel: Moore! What's the meaning of this? What the bloody hell have you been doing for the last four months?

(Captain Tom pushes his zimmer frame forward towards the centre of the room, he is surrounded on all sides by the other officers. When he is in position and has everyone's attention, he grasps his zimmer frame and makes a slow thrusting motion with his groin. He makes gutteral sexual noises)

Colenel: Fuck's sake Moore, not again!

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #854 on: July 30, 2020, 07:54:15 AM »
(1942. Captian Tom walks with his zimmer frame into the bar at British Army HQ in Bombay. He is wearing traditional Burmese dress and is accompanied by a ten year old Burmese boy. He has been absent without leave for four months. He orders two lemonades. The bar is packed with officers who are all staring at Captain Tom and the boy aghast at the breach of etiquette. Some of them can be heard telling him to 'clear off'. A senior officer enters)

Colenel: Look here Moore, what's this all about? Explain yourself

Captain Tom: We have taken Rangoon. And Singapore

Colenel: Taken Rangoon? Singapore? Who has?

Captain Tom: We have. Our side in this war has.

Colenel: You mean the Japanese have gone?

Captain Tom: No, they're still there but they have no boots.

Captain Tom: Prisioners, sir. We took them prisoners. The entire garrisons.

Colenel: That's impossible

Captain Tom: Yes it is. I did it. Cross my heart and hope to die, its all perfectly true.

(There is an extended silence as the magnitude of what Captain Tom has achieved sinks in. The silence is broken by the hurried footsteps of a radio operator who enters from the rear of the bar)

Radio Operator: Sir, we're still hearing normal Japanese radio traffic from Rangoon and Singapore. The Japanese are still there, sir.

(Captain Tom is grinning)

Colenel: Moore! What's the meaning of this? What the bloody hell have you been doing for the last four months?

(Captain Tom pushes his zimmer frame forward towards the centre of the room, he is surrounded on all sides by the other officers. When he is in position and has everyone's attention, he grasps his zimmer frame and makes a slow thrusting motion with his groin. He makes gutteral sexual noises)

Colenel: Fuck's sake Moore, not again!

yet, because this is a Hollywood film and the ACTOR who plays Moore is loved by many in the real world, as with all Hollywood movies they must be lionised, even if the character they are playing is abhorrent (see Lecter etc).

So...

"HERO, HERO, HERO" the cries ring out

Queen Victoria to Tom "Here is a new medal that is named after me, its the shape of a stumpy Christian Cross...HERO! I call it the PURPLE HEART"

Lady Diana "Arise SIR TOM OF ALL OF THE WORLD,..." *breathily* "Now come over here and FUCK ME"

[Middle-aged Neckbeards fist pump in the cinema]

Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #855 on: July 30, 2020, 11:15:15 AM »
Wonder if while being knighted Captain Tom's shrivelled dick managed one last stiffy for old times sake

Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #856 on: July 30, 2020, 11:32:26 AM »
Wonder if while being knighted Captain Tom's shrivelled dick managed one last stiffy for old times sake

The sight of the Queen in all her finery evoked thoughts of the British Empire and the East India Co. enslaving India and ferrying boats of opium over and bringing China to its knees through societal degradation and making profits the whole while. It gave Captain Tom one last throbbing Purple Heart.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #857 on: July 30, 2020, 12:08:59 PM »
The sight of the Queen in all her finery evoked thoughts of the British Empire and the East India Co. enslaving India and ferrying boats of opium over and bringing China to its knees through societal degradation and making profits the whole while. It gave Captain Tom one last throbbing Purple Heart.

She was in lime green, no ermine collar on display. Please correct your observation.

Butchers Blind

  • I don't want the undertaker stealing my sins
Re: Captain Tom Moore
« Reply #858 on: July 30, 2020, 12:26:47 PM »
The film will be like the ones they make about the nude cake ladies or the warbling fishermen.

Scene:
Celia Imrie looks out of the window overlooking the grounds and sees Tom staggering across the grass.
There's a look of bemusement on her face
-"Oh, what's Dad up to now?"

Shit.

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