Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 09:36:11 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Captain Tom Moore

Started by weekender, April 15, 2020, 06:15:12 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
This would be good with the Steptoe and Son theme played over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw

Butchers Blind

Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 10:55:36 AM
This would be good with the Steptoe and Son theme played over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw


Look at him, wearing his medals, showing off.  It's not all about you, Tom.

jobotic

Quote from: Aaron500 on April 16, 2020, 11:08:52 PM
His daughter only turns 50 in September*, which means he was 50 when she was born and about to turn 50 when she was conceived, the dirty bugger.
Maybe she's the result of one of his pre-50th "laps of the garden".

*According to Companies House. She also has 5 active directorships, and 70 odd grand in the bank.
And Twitter would suggest she's a massive Tory, weighing in against Corbyn while watching the leadership debates from her fucking big house.

Is this true? About her twitter?

I'm not paying my council tax anymore. I'll get my dad to walk up and down the pavement outside with a hat and people can put money in it to pay for someone to get my rubbish. He's only in his early seventies though so I'd better smash one of his kneecaps first to make it more heartwarming.

Quote

Quote from: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 10:59:39 AM
Look at him, wearing his medals, showing off.  It's not all about you, Tom.

No poppy I notice. How quickly Captain Fantastic forgets the sacrifices made by others.

They gave their lives that you could amble around the back garden at the pace of a pissed up snail.

Danger Man

Quote from: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 16, 2020, 10:13:00 PM
A lap for every Nazi he bayoneted in the neck.

Bit difficult as he spent the entire war in India.


Quote

#95
Good job he wasn't at Normandy, he'd still be getting off the beaches.

Quote from: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 11:39:22 AM
Bit difficult as he spent the entire war in India.

A lap for all the mixed-race little sahibs sired, then.

Quote from: Quote on April 17, 2020, 11:40:19 AM
Good job he wasn't at Normandy, he'd still be getting off the beaches at his pace.

Never mind Normandy.  He looks like he could have fought the Normans.

ollyboro

Sticking my Grandad's remains on a robotic fucking lawnmower would be more impressive than this shuffling show off corpse waddling about like a skeleton trying to suppress a liquid turd.

idunnosomename

Quote from: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 11:39:22 AM
Bit difficult as he spent the entire war in India.
HOW CONVENIENT

Norton Canes

Following the inevitable forthcoming economic collapse, 'Laps of the garden' will become the new de facto currency.

idunnosomename

I dont have a garden so ergo if i walk at all do i walk infinity times of my 0 length garden and crash the economy

Jasha



Quote from: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 16, 2020, 10:13:00 PM
A lap for every Nazi he bayoneted in the neck.

Quote from: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 11:39:22 AM
Bit difficult as he spent the entire war in India.

I believe the correct term is fuzzie wuzzies, apparently they don't like it up 'em

Butchers Blind

Footage has appeared showing him cutting corners on his laps.  There's also a photo of him from the '80's shaking hands with Jimmy Savile  #timesupTom

BlodwynPig

He's just carked it.

All that 14 million to be redirected for State Funeral at Westminster Cathedral

Jasha

Have the Mail started a campaign to get him a knighthood yet?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

'Faptain Gom Goore' is more like it and what I like to call him.

I hope his next holidays are in Hinckley, Peterbrough and Stoke.

In one-to-one combat in World War Two he gave a Japanese soldier a black eye and a nose streaming with blood.  Asked about that by media recently, the confusion of age became apparent.  He recalled how he enjoyed seeing a black's jap's-eye streaming.

alan nagsworth

"Now that I've got the public's attention I wonder if anyone would like to pop round for tea one afternoon and listen to some of my war stories"

Fat chance mate I'd rather walk 100 laps through piss soaked brambles, show us the 8-second speed run video of your garden thing so I can go back to spending my furloughed wages on more important stuff like shoes and ice cream

Shoulders?-Stomach!

It would be good to remind him that at 99 years old he is very shortly scheduled to die.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

I heard he still buys single use cameras and takes them to Boots to be developed into hard copy photographs.


alan nagsworth

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 12:42:31 PM
I heard he still buys single use cameras and takes them to Boots to be developed into hard copy photographs.

He only did that once and Boots had to alert the authorities that they were all out-of-focus shots of the school playground over his back fence with his finger obscuring half the view finder. No wonder he's so bloody eager to walk down there.


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Captain Tom Moore thinks there is a Centenarian Bounty like in Ireland. He could easily have checked out at 62 with crippling depression and an ability to only turn clockwise like a sort of medalled grouper fish in a suit, but instead has waited 38 years for the prospect. The Centenarian Bounty.

'All those Viscount bars', he murmurs, licking his remaining facial features. 'It will be like heaven on earth'.

Cuellar

Quote from: confettiinmyhair on April 17, 2020, 12:44:11 PM
A new competitor arrives...
https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/18383327.coronavirus-scotland-margaret-payne-90-climbing-height-2-398ft-mountain-stairs-nhs-fundraising-bid/

This really made me laugh for some reason. Just imagining hordes of knackered old people all over the country doing small movements for cash. Fucking cracking up.

Cuellar

Imagine if she raises fuck all. A tenner.

DESO

idunnosomename

imagine how filthy those stairs are going to get with her shuffling up and down them all day

idunnosomename

Quote from: Cuellar on April 17, 2020, 01:06:35 PM
Imagine if she raises fuck all. A tenner.

DESO

oh


makes me wonder why we haven't monetised the elderly's locomotions prior to a global pandemic!!!

Head Gardener