Author Topic: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus? (Read 5116 times)

idunnosomename · « **on:** April 15, 2020, 08:52:08 PM »

Hoping he will dump a grant (A GRANT!??! i remember those) in my bank account to make up for lost earnings as I think I fit the criteria but they keep teasing me with this then it's all YOU CANT DO ANYTHING YET, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW MID MAY YOU FUCK

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-a-grant-through-the-coronavirus-covid-19-self-employment-income-support-scheme

Gurke and Hare · « **Reply #1 on:** April 15, 2020, 09:25:12 PM »

Quote from: idunnosomename on April 15, 2020, 08:52:08 PM

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-a-grant-through-the-coronavirus-covid-19-self-employment-income-support-scheme

Jesus. The same page says:

Quote

HMRC will aim to contact you by mid May 2020 if you’re eligible for the scheme and invite you to claim using the GOV.UK online service. If you’re unable to claim online an alternative way to claim will be available.

and

Quote

You will only be able to claim using the GOV.UK online service.

five lines later. This is all going to go very smoothly, I'm sure.

Non Stop Dancer · « **Reply #2 on:** April 16, 2020, 08:14:52 AM »

I'm not eligible because I'm a director of a company, but because we have premises we are eligible for a grant of £10k as we're in receipt of small businesses rates relief or whatever it's called, which we've now received via the council.

imitationleather · « **Reply #3 on:** April 16, 2020, 08:16:48 AM »

Quote from: Non Stop Dancer on April 16, 2020, 08:14:52 AM

I'm not eligible because I'm a director of a company, but because we have premises we are eligible for a grant of £10k as we're in receipt of small businesses rates relief or whatever it's called, which we've now received via the council.

Gambled any of it on virtual sports yet? It's so what I'd do.

Non Stop Dancer · « **Reply #4 on:** April 16, 2020, 09:27:15 AM »

Not yet but I'm open to ideas on bets, schemes, pyramid selling opportunities etc.

sick as a pike · « **Reply #5 on:** April 16, 2020, 09:36:12 AM »

It's like a really shit game of pass the parcel, run by Kafka.

Quote

How to claim
You cannot make a claim yet.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #6 on:** April 16, 2020, 09:46:52 AM »

I know!! HMRC keep sending emails about it and it's like

What do I do now?

Nothing.

Jasha · « **Reply #7 on:** April 16, 2020, 12:04:16 PM »

Quote from: Non Stop Dancer on April 16, 2020, 08:14:52 AM

I'm not eligible because I'm a director of a company, but because we have premises we are eligible for a grant of £10k as we're in receipt of small businesses rates relief or whatever it's called, which we've now received via the council.

Take the 10 grand as a director's loan then go into voluntery liquidation. Start again on Monday in the wife's name, it's what Maggie would have wanted

sick as a pike · « **Reply #8 on:** May 10, 2020, 06:21:25 PM »

Quote from: sick as a pike on April 16, 2020, 09:36:12 AM

It's like a really shit game of pass the parcel, run by Kafka.

Ah I've just checked and I am apparently able to claim.
More here.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #9 on:** May 12, 2020, 11:05:49 PM »

three sleeps

NoSleep · « **Reply #10 on:** May 12, 2020, 11:11:57 PM »

Quote from: idunnosomename on April 15, 2020, 08:52:08 PM

Hoping he will dump a grant (A GRANT!??! i remember those) in my bank account to make up for lost earnings as I think I fit the criteria but they keep teasing me with this then it's all YOU CANT DO ANYTHING YET, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW MID MAY YOU FUCK

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-a-grant-through-the-coronavirus-covid-19-self-employment-income-support-scheme

I've been contacted and they told me I can claim later this week.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #11 on:** May 12, 2020, 11:24:23 PM »

yeah it's been a mess. there's stuff in another thread but as far as im aware it changed from "we'll contact you" to being sent a vague link in email where if you dug enough you could input your UTR and make a claim. apparently should hear back by the 15th

NoSleep · « **Reply #12 on:** May 13, 2020, 07:07:38 AM »

Wasn't much of a dig for me; just a couple of clicks.

NoSleep · « **Reply #13 on:** May 14, 2020, 10:32:07 AM »

Money on its way, whoohoo.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #14 on:** May 14, 2020, 10:37:08 AM »

I have to wait till midday on friday!!!!!!

NattyDread 2 · « **Reply #15 on:** May 14, 2020, 01:56:28 PM »

That was surprisingly straightforward. Took less than 5 minutes.

Sebastian Cobb · « **Reply #16 on:** May 14, 2020, 01:59:03 PM »

Someone I know got it and it was about '£350'. Whilst they acknowledged it wasn't near what they'd have earned in that time they did cheerfully concede 'that's nintendo switch money'.

NoSleep · « **Reply #17 on:** May 14, 2020, 02:11:55 PM »

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on May 14, 2020, 01:59:03 PM

Someone I know got it and it was about '£350'. Whilst they acknowledged it wasn't near what they'd have earned in that time they did cheerfully concede 'that's nintendo switch money'.

So that represents 80% of a quarter of at least 50% of their annual income 350*4*2*100/80=£3500pa. Must be living at their parents.

Mine was substantially more.

sick as a pike · « **Reply #18 on:** May 15, 2020, 05:02:35 PM »

Quote from: NoSleep on May 14, 2020, 10:32:07 AM

Money on its way, whoohoo.

Mine too. I was saying elsewhere that for a moment I thought "...maybe I should just return it to the economy" before thinking "nah, fuck it, I'm having it."

idunnosomename · « **Reply #19 on:** May 15, 2020, 05:19:26 PM »

i got some free money i love free money

NoSleep · « **Reply #20 on:** May 15, 2020, 06:10:53 PM »

Quote from: sick as a pike on May 15, 2020, 05:02:35 PM

Mine too. I was saying elsewhere that for a moment I thought "...maybe I should just return it to the economy" before thinking "nah, fuck it, I'm having it."

Having it and spending it is the best way to return it to the economy.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #21 on:** May 15, 2020, 06:22:22 PM »

Genuinely cant imagine theresa may would have let this happen. She would genuinely just wish death upon us, the rotten old cunt

I think Sunak at the very least doesnt actively want to kill us all. But thats as far as i shall go.

NoSleep · « **Reply #22 on:** May 15, 2020, 06:29:52 PM »

He's doing it because anyone in that job would have to.

Dr Rock · « **Reply #23 on:** May 15, 2020, 07:47:32 PM »

I also got my FREE CASH for DOING FUCK ALL coming to me. And they didn't even ask me if the pandemic has hurt my business, because it hasn't.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #24 on:** May 15, 2020, 09:23:46 PM »

Quote from: Dr Rock on May 15, 2020, 07:47:32 PM

I also got my FREE CASH for DOING FUCK ALL coming to me. And they didn't even ask me if the pandemic has hurt my business, because it hasn't.

i think they do say generally you should only claim if it affects your business but if you qualify fuck it, claim

idunnosomename · « **Reply #25 on:** May 23, 2020, 08:39:36 PM »

update i got my free money yesterday. i dont believe it!

idunnosomename · « **Reply #26 on:** August 20, 2020, 12:48:50 AM »

yo, check your inboxes, self-employed enforced-layabouts. i got another grant from this cretinous dweeb. I have declare this one on my tax return though, apparently. still. money

or just go here

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-a-grant-through-the-self-employment-income-support-scheme

bgmnts · « **Reply #27 on:** August 20, 2020, 02:45:47 AM »

Anyone who takes tory blood money is a fucking disgrace.

NoSleep · « **Reply #28 on:** August 20, 2020, 07:01:34 AM »

Mine's on its way. I wonder if they'll stretch to a third grant in three months' time.

Non Stop Dancer · « **Reply #29 on:** August 20, 2020, 07:02:10 PM »

Quote from: bgmnts on August 20, 2020, 02:45:47 AM

Anyone who takes tory blood money is a fucking disgrace.

Yeah man, they should just live on the streets instead. That'll show... Someone?

News:

Author Topic: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus? (Read 5116 times)