Author Topic: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?  (Read 1437 times)

self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« on: April 15, 2020, 08:52:08 PM »
Hoping he will dump a grant (A GRANT!??! i remember those) in my bank account to make up for lost earnings as I think I fit the criteria but they keep teasing me with this then it's all YOU CANT DO ANYTHING YET, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW MID MAY YOU FUCK

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-a-grant-through-the-coronavirus-covid-19-self-employment-income-support-scheme

Gurke and Hare

  • Fold water. Roll into small cubes.
Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2020, 09:25:12 PM »
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-a-grant-through-the-coronavirus-covid-19-self-employment-income-support-scheme

Jesus. The same page says:

Quote
HMRC will aim to contact you by mid May 2020 if you’re eligible for the scheme and invite you to claim using the GOV.UK online service. If you’re unable to claim online an alternative way to claim will be available.

and

Quote
You will only be able to claim using the GOV.UK online service.

five lines later. This is all going to go very smoothly, I'm sure.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2020, 08:14:52 AM »
I'm not eligible because I'm a director of a company, but because we have premises we are eligible for a grant of £10k as we're in receipt of small businesses rates relief or whatever it's called, which we've now received via the council.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
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Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2020, 08:16:48 AM »
I'm not eligible because I'm a director of a company, but because we have premises we are eligible for a grant of £10k as we're in receipt of small businesses rates relief or whatever it's called, which we've now received via the council.

Gambled any of it on virtual sports yet? It's so what I'd do.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2020, 09:27:15 AM »
Not yet but I'm open to ideas on bets, schemes, pyramid selling opportunities etc.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2020, 09:36:12 AM »
It's like a really shit game of pass the parcel, run by Kafka.
Quote
How to claim
You cannot make a claim yet.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2020, 09:46:52 AM »
I know!! HMRC keep sending emails about it and it's like

What do I do now?

Nothing.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2020, 12:04:16 PM »
I'm not eligible because I'm a director of a company, but because we have premises we are eligible for a grant of £10k as we're in receipt of small businesses rates relief or whatever it's called, which we've now received via the council.

Take the 10 grand as a director's loan then go into voluntery liquidation. Start again on Monday in the wife's name, it's what Maggie would have wanted

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2020, 06:21:25 PM »
It's like a really shit game of pass the parcel, run by Kafka.
Ah I've just checked and I am apparently able to claim.
More here.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #9 on: May 12, 2020, 11:05:49 PM »
three sleeps

NoSleep

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Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #10 on: May 12, 2020, 11:11:57 PM »
Hoping he will dump a grant (A GRANT!??! i remember those) in my bank account to make up for lost earnings as I think I fit the criteria but they keep teasing me with this then it's all YOU CANT DO ANYTHING YET, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW MID MAY YOU FUCK

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-a-grant-through-the-coronavirus-covid-19-self-employment-income-support-scheme

I've been contacted and they told me I can claim later this week.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #11 on: May 12, 2020, 11:24:23 PM »
yeah it's been a mess. there's stuff in another thread but as far as im aware it changed from "we'll contact you" to being sent a vague link in email where if you dug enough you could input your UTR and make a claim. apparently should hear back by the 15th

NoSleep

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Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #12 on: May 13, 2020, 07:07:38 AM »
Wasn't much of a dig for me; just a couple of clicks.

NoSleep

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Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2020, 10:32:07 AM »
Money on its way, whoohoo.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2020, 10:37:08 AM »
I have to wait till midday on friday!!!!!!

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #15 on: May 14, 2020, 01:56:28 PM »
That was surprisingly straightforward. Took less than 5 minutes.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #16 on: May 14, 2020, 01:59:03 PM »
Someone I know got it and it was about '£350'. Whilst they acknowledged it wasn't near what they'd have earned in that time they did cheerfully concede 'that's nintendo switch money'.

NoSleep

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Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #17 on: May 14, 2020, 02:11:55 PM »
Someone I know got it and it was about '£350'. Whilst they acknowledged it wasn't near what they'd have earned in that time they did cheerfully concede 'that's nintendo switch money'.

So that represents 80% of a quarter of at least 50% of their annual income 350*4*2*100/80=£3500pa. Must be living at their parents.

Mine was substantially more.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #18 on: May 15, 2020, 05:02:35 PM »
Money on its way, whoohoo.
Mine too. I was saying elsewhere that for a moment I thought "...maybe I should just return it to the economy" before thinking "nah, fuck it, I'm having it."

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #19 on: May 15, 2020, 05:19:26 PM »
i got some free money i love free money

NoSleep

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Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #20 on: May 15, 2020, 06:10:53 PM »
Mine too. I was saying elsewhere that for a moment I thought "...maybe I should just return it to the economy" before thinking "nah, fuck it, I'm having it."

Having it and spending it is the best way to return it to the economy.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #21 on: May 15, 2020, 06:22:22 PM »
Genuinely cant imagine theresa may would have let this happen. She would genuinely just wish death upon us, the rotten old cunt

I think Sunak at the very least doesnt actively want to kill us all. But thats as far as i shall go.

NoSleep

  • This is your Uncle Jim speaking
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Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #22 on: May 15, 2020, 06:29:52 PM »
He's doing it because anyone in that job would have to.

Dr Rock

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Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #23 on: May 15, 2020, 07:47:32 PM »
I also got my FREE CASH for DOING FUCK ALL coming to me. And they didn't even ask me if the pandemic has hurt my business, because it hasn't.

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #24 on: May 15, 2020, 09:23:46 PM »
I also got my FREE CASH for DOING FUCK ALL coming to me. And they didn't even ask me if the pandemic has hurt my business, because it hasn't.
i think they do say generally you should only claim if it affects your business but if you qualify fuck it, claim

Re: self-employed people: will Red Rishi give us a Torie Bonus?
« Reply #25 on: May 23, 2020, 08:39:36 PM »
update i got my free money yesterday. i dont believe it!

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