The Executioner - Flying insects beware

[Cuntbeaks]

So, given that i live in Scotland and have to put with Summer evenings being fucking ruined by midgie cunts, i decided to fight back and bought on of these.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B003TT3GDC?ref=ppx_pt2_mob_b_prod_image

I know I'm not going to exterminate every single midgie, but hopefully if i routinely zap the cunts then the numbers may reduce round my back at least. Who knows, but I'm gonna try it.

I've already zapped a few dirty bluebottles and the crack it emits as justice is delivered is both startling and satisfying. The idea of waving it through clouds of midgies like some sort of death racquet and hearing the endless death zaps is something I've got a bit of a semi about.

Has anyone else used this type of weapon to control flying pests and if so, how long before the idiot in me decides to see what it feels like when you touch it?

[Buelligan]

I know a chef who plays fly tennis with the sous chef.  In the summer we get plagues of flies - despite keeping the place like an operating theatre and changing all the fly papers every day, there are still plenty about.  I've not seen them used on humans though. 

[seepage]

Maplin used to have these in a bargain bin outside for a quid.

Do not touch it.

They don't work 'cos when the insect sees the net it has a heart attack, but then the electric shock restarts its little heart again and it flies off again [(C) H. Hill]. No, they're quite good as even if you get vaguely close it still stuns.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Had a dreadful bastard of a fly in my kitchen a couple of weeks ago. Normally they fly about the room for a bit, panic and head for the window where they'll spaz about trying to find a way through the glass before you open a window and shoo them out. Just standard fly stuff. Not this one. He just stayed in the middle of the room, flying about in an erratic pattern. Wouldn't even look at the window. This little bastard had thoroughly moved in. On day two he started buzzing around my head. Day three and he was landing in my hair. The front of the little shit.

Day four, I decided I was going to take him down with a rolled up newspaper. He was fast and erratic and he wouldn't land anywhere. After much flailing and cursing, he stopped on the wall. I whacked him, expecting him to fall down. Nope. Little prick just burst open and stuck to the wall in a puddle of his own sticky guts. Even in death he was a pain in the arse. I hope he's burning in fly hell.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Sprayed a wasp with gt85 the other day 'cos I pulled out a can of spray from under the sink without bothering to read what it was.

[Buelligan]

I had some very light-attracted large flies in my house last summer.  I came home late and was looking at stuff on my laptop in bed, those guys kept dive-bombing the screen.  Driving me fucking mad.  Mad to the point of wishing death on them.  I closed the laptop and they dive-bombed the lovely tealight I was burning.  Exploded like flies thrown into a vat of boiling oil and flame and exploding.  I felt slightly guilty.

[Captain Z]

I used to work in a small lab with a very high ceiling, maybe 2 storeys. There were no windows so when flies got in it was particularly annoying. One day I saw one come to rest on the air conditioning duct way up by the ceiling so I picked up an M6 nut that was lying around and chucked it, hitting the fly absolutely dead on. Proudest day of my PhD.

[Hand Solo]

I used to work in a small lab with a very high ceiling, maybe 2 storeys. There were no windows so when flies got in it was particularly annoying.

[Brundle-Fly]

The midges will simply fly through the holes in this electric tennis racket, no? It will be like a culicoids version of the late Dale Winton's  'Bring on The Wall"

[Buelligan]

I think they're Scots midges.  They'll probably break the racket.

[Cuntbeaks]

The midges will simply fly through the holes in this electric tennis racket, no? It will be like a culicoids version of the late Dale Winton's  'Bring on The Wall"

Yeah, the cunts are small enough to pass through, if they get lucky. However, their density mixed with my frenzied attack style will result in many, many deaths.

[Hand Solo]

If it's electrified you basically are 3/4 of the way to making some tasty burgers.

[Colin Sanction]

I think they're Scots midges.  They'll probably break the racket.

[pigamus]

I used to work in a small lab with a very high ceiling, maybe 2 storeys. There were no windows so when flies got in it was particularly annoying. One day I saw one come to rest on the air conditioning duct way up by the ceiling so I picked up an M6 nut that was lying around and chucked it, hitting the fly absolutely dead on. Proudest day of my PhD.

Similiar thing happened to me. Once when I was a kid my mom was washing all the curtains, and I was swishing the wire thing that held the net curtains up in my bedroom - swishing it about like a whip. There was a fly buzzing around the room, and then suddenly - the buzzing stopped.

I was utterly astonished. "I couldn't have... could I?" But I fucking had. Right out of the air like Indiana Jones.

[Alberon]

I've had one of those executioner type things for a few years. I bought it as a joke, but it actually works quite well. Smaller flying insects it basically incinerates. Because the battery isn't at full charge it doesn't actually kill houseflies at the moment. It just stuns them for a minute or two allowing you time to tip them out the window before they recover. So it's basically humane.

[Ray Travez]

You could say... that there's NO FLIES ON YOU!

[Jittlebags]

Nice Emulator 2 action back there.

[petril]

the real top dog in the game

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It's no racquet sport mate knob the cunts


Cheers

[buzby]

the real top dog in the game

The OG one that the ident was based on was the Simon Insect-O-Cutor - essential kit for every butcher's shop and cafe when I was a kid. The insects are attracted by the UV light and then get zapped by a high voltage charge from the grid surrounding it:

Simon Engineering were an interesting company, an engineering conglomerate who had interests in everything from boilers, gear manufacturing, chemical process equipment, tyre retreading, insect killers, logistics, software development and hydraulic platforms and fire engines (the 'Simon Snorkel', via a tie-in with Snorkel hydraulic platforms from the USA)


Like most conglomerates, the company was broken up in the 90s and the only bit left (Simon-Carves, who make chemical process equipment) is now owned by Japanese engineering and shipbuilding Mitsui. The Insect-O-Cutor division was spun off into it's own company inthe early 80s and are still going

[JesusAndYourBush]

...how long before the idiot in me decides to see what it feels like when you touch it?

It's when you progress from fingers, via nose, to genitals that you need to worry.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

The only problem with those tennis racquet things is that the flies give off a bit of a smell when you zap them. It's a bit like burnt hair. Also, don't be tempted to put your finger on the live part to see if it hurts. It does.

[MojoJojo]

Also, don't be tempted to put your finger on the live part to see if it hurts. It does.

Can I use my genitals to see if it hurts? Or someone else's?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Go for it buddy.

[Cuntbeaks]

The only problem with those tennis racquet things is that the flies give off a bit of a smell when you zap them. It's a bit like burnt hair.

The smell of victory.

[NattyDread 2]

So, given that i live in Scotland and have to put with Summer evenings being fucking ruined by midgie cunts, i decided to fight back and bought on of these.

Don't know why I've never tried that. I'll be interested to hear how it goes. We live in a midgie heartland and they're starting to get a bit frisky in the evenings now. Won't be long before I'm chased indoors. Pain in the arse. The only thing that's worked so far is setting up a big fuck off electric fan on the patio as they can't handle the slightest breeze.

Today however, I'm setting up one of these -


If it works (it's an old 2nd hand job so might not) it sends out a chemical lure then sooks the wee bastards up into a net.

[Gurke and Hare]

The Insect-O-Cutor division was spun off into it's own company inthe early 80s and are still going

Lovely stuff. I like the way some of the model names are, or could be car models (Allure! Excalibur! Focus!) and them some of them just get down to business (Exocutor! PlusZap!)

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

INSECT BASTARD MKII™

[Hand Solo]

Fellow sadists might check out Shawn Woods' Mouse Trap Monday channel, just tries out a myriad of devices from the modern 3d printed variety to old medieval designs and films mice being murdered, it's a bit horrible but strangely addictive, keeps me off Liveleak.com anyway..

[Dex Sawash]

keeps me off Livetwink.com anyway..

fiixed