Why are ready meals so shit?

[touchingcloth]

do we know where he got all the money?

pancreas, where did you get all the money?

• Steal Wurlitzer from cancer patient
• Sell on Wurlitzer grey market
• ???????
• All the money

[chveik]

he's sold his organs lol

[idunnosomename]

£5 McGuigan is all you'll ever need.

Won the lottery? £30 quid Cloudy Bay will do.

yeah i like mcguigan. ooh, cloudy bay, with its security tags. how it entices.

brancott estate's let itself go though

[touchingcloth]

We had an Aga and then a Rayburn a (different houses) when I was a kid. The Rayburn managed to heat every radiator in the damned house and cook a full roast dinner. Incredible things. If I ever get rich I'm getting a Rayburn.

You really do need to be rich to run them, what with the cost of fossil fuels being what they are and the fact that they take hours to start kicking out heat meaning they're basically not worth using unless they're you're sole source of heat and you can keep them in 24/7 over the colder months. Old ones can be had relatively cheaply if you live in the countryside where there a lot of the things gathering dust in people's houses where it makes more sense to have your delighted buyer pay for the team of men, horses and oxen it requires to move them rather than shelling out yourself to have it taken down the tip. The episode of The Good Life where they pick up a bargain basement one and try and run it on chicken shit isn't a million miles from reality.

We bought a wood burning stove for our old house and ended up buying an Aga model in spite of ourselves. I remember their website had a modern range which looked like a traditional old thing but ran on electric rather than wood. Its main selling point seemed to be an app which could remotely control it, the idea being that you can fire it up when you're ready to leave London and arrive at your second home with the Aga just about considering reaching a tepid temperature.

[kittens]

We had an Aga and then a Rayburn a (different houses) when I was a kid. The Rayburn managed to heat every radiator in the damned house and cook a full roast dinner. Incredible things. If I ever get rich I'm getting a Rayburn.

what was it like fighting laurence van dough while dangling from mt. richmore?

[Danger Man]

If I ever get rich

aka when I inherit

[kittens]

loving this double team assault

[Danger Man]

TAG TEAM!!!!!

[pancreas]

Typical trite cheap gay-baiting abuse.

pancreas, which of the 5 floors of your building is the Aga located on?

LG, but it's disconnected. And it's a Rayburn.

[pancreas]

I actually find the Tesco Finest lasagne to be absolutely delicious and better than anything I could knock together at home. There's no way I'm sourcing multiple hard cheeses and Chianti red wine and pork belly and nutmeg to make a lasagne.

'Chianti red wine'

Is it DOCG? Is it even DOC? Is it fuck.

[pancreas]

do we know where he got all the money?

pancreas, where did you get all the money?

I said before. I subsist on a moderate bourgeois salary and absolutely exquisite taste.

[gib]

maybe one of your butlers did something unspeakable in your ready meal lasagne

[Danger Man]

In real life and on here, rich boys telling us what to do.

We need a palate cleanser.....

[pancreas]

maybe one of your butlers did something unspeakable in your ready meal lasagne

Given that I make him eat the leftovers, I doubt it.

[idunnosomename]

HELLBENT

HELLBENT FOR LASAGNE

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

OP's next post "Why don't £5 bottles of wine taste like wine?"

we may start making it in the toilet soon with the arse falling out of the economy

[H-O-W-L]

fwoar mate i went to this shithouise cuntplace for shitting cunt peasant cunt pauper bastard fuckpipe poor people called McDondald's right and the BURGERS WERENT THE SAME AS THE HOMEMADE SWAN SLICES I MAKE FOR MY SCREECHING YOUNG FOR A QUIOD!!!! ufkcing Isnane intit??? FUCKIN MENTAL!!!!! imagine bein a fucking shit bogan fucking pauper pissant ollie twist bastard cunt eating a mcdondalnd burgon!!!!!! cunts!!!!

[H-O-W-L]

oi mate i bought these sheets that werent made of spun orphan and THEY WERENT AS GOOD AS SHEETS MADE FROM RAW EGYPTIAN COTTON INNIT MENTAL

JOHNSONS BRITAIN

[Dewt]

aka when I inherit

I laughed out loud at this

I will inherit nothing, and it's not because of broken ties!

Posh boy shock

You would be so disappointed if you met me.

I grew up in a listed building with a mile long driveway, but my parents owned nothing and were a stockman and care worker. I had a games room and an Aga but we were poor enough that we'd have the occasional "moving birthday" and I saw my parents eat a few meals of Oxo cube and bread.

I am absolutely fucked as far as class identity goes. Before I was in double figures my best friend and I would argue about which family had money (it was HIS FAMILY, they had a LAKE). I genuinely don't understand my childhood. I know it was idyllic for the most part, but I don't understand the mechanisms of it all.

Sorry this is incredible boring and self-indulgent, I'm just writing this in the hope that there will ever be another living person I can relate to.

[H-O-W-L]

I saw my parents eat a few meals of Oxo cube and bread.

Oxo cube and not Bisto? Hark at the Landed Gentry over here.

[pancreas]

oi mate i bought these sheets that werent made of spun orphan and THEY WERENT AS GOOD AS SHEETS MADE FROM RAW EGYPTIAN COTTON INNIT MENTAL

JOHNSONS BRITAIN

Sorry, are you trying to make some sort of point?

[The Crumb]

Fuck Charlie Bigot and his shit Telegraph lasagne. The best ready meal is a paper sack of sausage rolls from Morrisons. Or lovely spicy Korean instant noodles that give you sodium poisoning.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Sorry, are you trying to make some sort of point?

Oh you poor mouldy fool, how laughable that you would even ask why ready meals are shit, they're for the peasants who will gratefully eat the scraps from the restaurant floor, you might as well eat out of a bin like a homeless

[checkoutgirl]

'Chianti red wine'

Is it DOCG? Is it even DOC? Is it fuck.

Dunno. I'm assuming it's biodynamic. Treat yourself from timetotime.

[checkoutgirl]

I said before. I subsist on a moderate bourgeois salary and absolutely exquisite taste.

The sedan chair is a bit out of date. Get with the times my man. It's all electric steam chathode ray and such and such these days don't you know.

[Twit 2]

Oh you poor mouldy fool, how laughable that you would even ask why ready meals are shit, they're for the peasants who will gratefully eat the scraps from the restaurant floor, you might as well eat out of a bin like a homeless

This was established very early on in the thread. Please bring something new to the table (but not a ready meal).

[shiftwork2]

There's no inherent reason for ready meals to be shit is there?  Cooked food that's then packaged and chilled for reheating a day or two later.  It should be possible, difficulties with rice etc aside.  It's the emphasis on shelf life that kills most of them. Co-op curries quote a 4 week best before date which is just insane.  If you imagine what actual cooked food would look like after a month of sitting in your fridge then you start to wonder what witchcraft ready meals actually are.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

This was established very early on in the thread. Please bring something new to the table (but not a ready meal).

I was explaining it to pancreas cos he wasn't getting it. And I already explained why ready meals are shit in the very first reply to this thread so every other reply is redundant you fuckin smart-alec

[Sebastian Cobb]

There's no inherent reason for ready meals to be shit is there?  Cooked food that's then packaged and chilled for reheating a day or two later.  It should be possible, difficulties with rice etc aside.  It's the emphasis on shelf life that kills most of them. Co-op curries quote a 4 week best before date which is just insane.  If you imagine what actual cooked food would look like after a month of sitting in your fridge then you start to wonder what witchcraft ready meals actually are.

It's the packaging it in pure nitrogen innit? None of the stuff or nasties can breathe in it.

[Abnormal Palm]

You know how a curry often tastes better the next day

That's why I always cook a ready meal curry then put it in the fridge and heat it up again the next day