Times you've been glad of social distancing

[Barry Admin]

Two come to mind. 

A few weeks back I bumped into a guy who used to live next door, really nice fellow who is about my age, but with very dodgy guts.  "I finally got my operation" he said, meaning that he'd just recently got his colostomy bag plumbed in.  He proudly whipped up his t-shirt to reveal it to me, as if he was showing off a gun holster.

Another one this week; I got back from the Mace and realised I'd earlier rushed out of the flat too quickly, and had toothpase over my bloody face.  Cringe.  Whatsapped the guy I know who worked there and was just like "hahah thank goodness for social distancing, hope that made it less obvious :-D"

[ImmaculateClump]

Near the start of the lockdown I ordered a pizza from dominoes, paid online, a man came in a car and put it on my doorstep and drove away.
I reached out with my wan claw, scooped it into my dingy hovel and gnawed away at it in the corner of my living room like a frightened mouse.
The universe fed me pizza and I didn't even have to interact with one single human being.
If this is the new normal, I don't wanna be different.

[Dex Sawash]

Niece had wedding planned for 2 weeks ago, #cancelled

[Janie Jones]

Two come to mind. 

A few weeks back I bumped into a guy who used to live next door, really nice fellow who is about my age, but with very dodgy guts.  "I finally got my operation" he said, meaning that he'd just recently got his colostomy bag plumbed in.  He proudly whipped up his t-shirt to reveal it to me, as if he was showing off a gun holster.

Ugh, yeah, thank god for the 2m rule enabling you to keep your ugly disablist attitude away from him.

[Butchers Blind]

There was one of those painful work team away days booked for June.  Its been cancelled of course. Yes!

[Abnormal Palm]

Three wedding invitations this summer.

Assorted double date shit my wife arranged.

Don't have to make any small talk ever apart from covid tier tsk tsk chuckles.

Can drive around fast

Drive on the pavements

Drive up and down the aisles

Forza Horizon 4 irl

Lake District

Borders

Aberdeen

Driving into sheep

Driving through a Lego village

LANDSCAPING 1000 X 25

SUPER WHEEL SPIN

[Barry Admin]

Ugh, yeah, thank god for the 2m rule enabling you to keep your ugly disablist attitude away from him.

Is your posting career now entirely limited to po-faced scolding?

I would refute that I'm disablist at all. To be honest, I just thought it was a funny and odd occurrence and internally comparing the reveal to a holster being shown off tickled me ever since.  He had to struggle all over the Xmas period without a toilet because some idiot here keeps trying to flush wet wipes, and I was really happy that he had finally got everything sorted out and seemed in great spirits.

Someone produly unveiling a colostomy bag in broad daylight on a hot summers day seemed odd and notable enough to mention. Another neighbour recently started telling me about a cyst he had on his chest, and how he started squeezing all the shite out of it. I did find that pretty gross and unnecessary, if you'd like something else to piss and moan about.

[Abnormal Palm]

Everyone beware, OP has repeatedly posted about colostomy bags. Probley trying to get some wanking material out of it.

[Spiteface]

People don't stop to talk right in the middle, of the fucking aisles of the supermarket. That almost makes having to queue up to get in worth it.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

In theory social distancing should include keeping dogs further than 2 metres away from other people. I know they supposedly can't catch or transmit the virus but if a carrier touches a dog the virus stays on their fur. Yet - apparently - most dog owners seem to have overlooked that. There seems to be even more dogs off the leash than there is normally.

I mean, even in a normal non-Covid society it should not be ok to allow your pet off the leash around other people unless you know it will behave and not go after people. That could make another human anxious/ill at best, and we know at worst it can lead to severe injuries and even death.

I absolutely hate it when someone's dog comes up to me off the leash just because I don't know what's going to happen and feel its incredibly antisocial and not something I would impose on someone else. Whether dogs are acting aggressive or friendly its an unknown quantity and makes me fearful and anxious. Furthermore, when strange dogs want to touch you that's a repulsive thought for me either way. There just seems to be no notion that someone else could find their animal anything other than an utter delight.

On a walk last weekend someone's bull terrier ran up and jumped on me, scratching me with its paws as it did so (not with intent to wound, I should add). I asked the (boomer) owners if they could please put the dog on the lead if it was going to do that. I said it with a hint of alarm in my voice which I couldn't help as it had set me off. The owners just sort of smiled, as though I hadn't said anything at all, and carried on. It just reminded me what a horribly degrading experience it is to be genuinely anxious and have your personal space invaded without having granted consent to anyone, but have it imposed on you. And for them to not even give a fucking shit, maybe not even register anything I was saying, obviously sticks in your craw.

[weekender]

You should get better at dealing with dogs.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You should get better at dealing with dogs.

I think keeping dogs on a lead in public is a not unreasonable imposition for either owner or dog. This must be the case because it's what a large percentage of dog owners manage to do nearly all the time.

Regardless of my personal issues there are plenty of people who 'need to get better at dealing with dogs' thanks to their allergies, childhood trauma, anxiety, not to mention children themselves. Likewise there are plenty of owners who recognise their dog can behave unreliably or in a manner that isn't fair to impose on others.

Being attacked by a dog is not a present fear of mine for no reason, it's because it has actually happened, and very nearly happened on several other occasions.

[Abnormal Palm]

Since he is joined, most of Shoulders posts have been about dogs. Be careful. He's probely got a boner.

[imitationleather]

Throw me a boner.

[canadagoose]

Supermarket deliveries are nicer when you don't have to awkwardly stand around while the delivery person empties their crate. Can't be arsed with patter in times like those. See also other deliveries - I don't have to be presentable. Woo.

[imitationleather]

What?! The Tesco man always makes me empty the crate myself while he stands there and watches!

[canadagoose]

What?! The Tesco man always makes me empty the crate myself while he stands there and watches!

Maybe I was spoilt by delivery drivers. Right enough, I think I had to empty the crate last time, though.

[weekender]

I think keeping dogs on a lead in public is a not unreasonable imposition for either owner or dog. This must be the case because it's what a large percentage of dog owners manage to do nearly all the time.

Regardless of my personal issues there are plenty of people who 'need to get better at dealing with dogs' thanks to their allergies, childhood trauma, anxiety, not to mention children themselves. Likewise there are plenty of owners who recognise their dog can behave unreliably or in a manner that isn't fair to impose on others.

Being attacked by a dog is not a present fear of mine for no reason, it's because it has actually happened, and very nearly happened on several other occasions.

Depends on how you define 'public' I suppose, fuck knows this government doesn't know how to define it.

[olliebean]

What?! The Tesco man always makes me empty the crate myself while he stands there and watches!

I bet he does, the dirty old bollocks.

[dissolute ocelot]

People don't stop to talk right in the middle, of the fucking aisles of the supermarket. That almost makes having to queue up to get in worth it.

Yes they fucking do where I am. Social distancing should make supermarket shopping a pleasure, instead both staff and customers have just found new ways to make it shit. I guess I could start coughing prominently, but some of the dudes patrolling the aisles in tight-knit packs look like they'd kill you, or worse.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Everyone beware, OP has repeatedly posted about colostomy bags. Probley trying to get some wanking material out of it.

I don't think he was being serious. Sounds like a piss-take.

[idunnosomename]

you can cross over to the other side of the road when someone comes towards you without being classicist/racist/a cunt