Has anyone ever actually experienced a Vicars & Tarts Night

[Goldentony]

As per the title, has anybody ever genuinely been to one of these things? You get them on sitcoms or whatever loads, old shite English entertainment thing but i've never actually seen or heard of one, please?

[Cerys]

Yes, but it was a complete accident and no-one involved ever spoke of it again, even once the penicillin had done its job.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Yes although the nomenclature was slightly different so it was "mudstained 90s goalkeepers & brazen scholastic fuckports"

[Cerys]

Yeah, penicillin wasn't enough for that one.  They had to bring out the heavy-duty cauterising rods.

[pancreas]

I have a vague memory of being at a Nuns & Rent Boys Night, but then again perhaps I was just at home watching Sister Act.

[Goldentony]

right jokes done now line here, anyone fucking joking gets hunted

[Buelligan]

Never been to one.  Never even heard there was one on.  Happy now?

[Goldentony]

there we go, buelligan off the list, thread can carry on intense and serious now

[Cerys]

Of course Buelligan has never been to one.  She's a nun.  And possibly also a stegosaurus.  Or a velociraptor in disguise.

right jokes done now line here, anyone fucking joking gets hunted

Does being hunted involve being twatted on the head with an ornamental cherry tree until I fall asleep?  Because that could be a plan.

[Buelligan]

there we go, buelligan off the list, thread can carry on intense and serious now

Happy to help.  As always tony.  Cheers.

[idunnosomename]

General Synod, York, 2019

[Dex Sawash]

I'm getting confused, Can't we just stick with town/mafia?

[thecuriousorange]

Yes but in my family we call them "weddings".

[Ambient Sheep]

As per the title, has anybody ever genuinely been to one of these things?

Yes, as a small child, sometime in the early-1970s.

Either my parents and/or my aunt & uncle threw it, probably the latter.  (Or maybe it happened twice, as most of my fleeting memories of this are at my aunt's house but one of two at my parents'.)

Unlike my parents, my aunt & uncle's house and their activities were absolutely the stuff of 1970s sitcom cliché (only generally not funny) -- hostess trolley, teasmade, early colour TV, supposedly-tasteful painting of nude woman on wall, curvy wicker chair hanging from my cousin's ceiling, every 70s wallpaper pattern you've ever seen, etc., etc.

I can't say much about the party/ies it/themselves, just vague childhood half-memories of men with dog-collars on and over-dressed women, all slightly drunk.  That's it, sorry.


Aside from that, my aunt used to regularly throw a party on the 1st or 2nd Saturday in January, right up to the early 90s, and there was always one guy who turned up in a dog collar for a laugh.  Either him, or another guy, had the old "invisible dog" trick dog lead as well.  Plus an old doctor with frizzy hair who kept insisting that all this business about bananas having potassium in them was rubbish ("There's no potassium in bananas!").  Sorry, rambling now.  So much I could type.  All gone now.  It was another world, very different from ours, even at the time.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Heh, imagine becoming known by someone else as the potassium in bananas guy.

Reminds me of the Limmy sketch with the smug guy pointing out Brazilians speak Portuguese.

[dissolute ocelot]

Apologies for Daily Mail link, but from 2011...

A vicar who outraged his parishioners when he dressed as a 'tart' for a fundraising costume party has retired from the Church. The 59-year-old was photographed at the  'vicars and tarts' party wearing a mini-skirt, gold leggings and high heels at the town's Steamboat pub on the Mill Dam in August last year.  'He just dressed as a tart because he's a vicar, and coming to the party as a vicar really wouldn't have made sense.'

It does seem the sort of thing only the Church of England would do. And then get upset when people actually dressed as tarts and/or vicars.

[dissolute ocelot]

Double post. Shoot me now.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I've never been to a Vicars & Tarts night but I did attend a Prostitutes and Pimps party in the 90s, dressed as the latter and so convincing that my best friend didn't recognise me.

[Buelligan]

That reminds me, I had some friends who went to one of those (Prostitutes and Pimps).  I didn't fancy it but they came round before to show off their costumes.  One of them had a genuine Bunny Girl costume, they all looked genuinely fantastic but reported back, after, that the party was dull as arse.  Pfft.  Could've saved them the trouble.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Yeah the party I went to was fairly bland, fun enough but nothing that special, but spending the night down the pub before we went there was a huge amount of fun.

[Ambient Sheep]

Heh, imagine becoming known by someone else as the potassium in bananas guy.

:-)

My Mum used to get so cross at him, 'cos of all the articles she used to read saying that there was (and indeed the internet tells me that there's around 400mg in yer average banana).  She would tut about it for ages afterwards: "He's so rude about it but he's wrong!" kind of thing.

My first partner (met 1990) came along to one of the last-ever parties, and he was still at it.  So much so that it became one of those little in-relationship memes one has: every time one of us opened a banana it became almost obligatory for the other to say "There's no potassium in them you know!" etc.

For all I know this bloke might have been a world-famous heart surgeon (although I suspect not)... but his memory lives on soley in terms of his mistaken anti-banana evangelism.

[Cerys]

He's right, you know.  Bananas are yellow.  If they were made of potassium they'd be more light grey in colour.  Wake up, Sheepy!

[Ambient Sheep]

You're not called David, by any chance, are you?

[Cerys]

Only on alternate Thursdays.

[Gurke and Hare]

Bananas don't catch fire which burns with a purple flame and whizz around entertainingly if you drop them in water, they just kind of melt into a disgusting sludge. Definitely no potassium in them.

[Cerys]

Exactly!

[What Doth Life?]

Unlike my parents, my aunt & uncle's house and their activities were absolutely the stuff of 1970s sitcom cliché (only generally not funny) -- hostess trolley, teasmade, early colour TV, supposedly-tasteful painting of nude woman on wall, curvy wicker chair hanging from my cousin's ceiling, every 70s wallpaper pattern you've ever seen, etc., etc.

Errr, what? Can picture all the others (mid-80s child but my nan's house was frozen in time) but I haven't even seen any hacky observational comedy about airborne wicker.

[Ambient Sheep]

It's true, they've not really been a target for comedy, but you do see them in films depicting, or of, the time.

Here's a rather crappy example (my cousin's was more densely woven than that and higher off the floor), possibly because it's a modern recreation rather than an original.



(from https://abeautifulmess.com/2013/02/we-hung-a-chair-and-its-awesome.html)

I feel bad now for being rude about their pride and joy.  It's ok :) but not as good as my cousin's 50 years ago.

[Tony Tony Tony]

Errr, what? Can picture all the others (mid-80s child but my nan's house was frozen in time) but I haven't even seen any hacky observational comedy about airborne wicker.

Ask and ye shall receive...

[non capisco]

Still chuckling at the idea of this David guy and his monomaniacal obsession with potassium and bananas. I think it's the fact he was always going on about it across many annual parties.

"Well, of course I invited David."
"OHHHH, did you have to? You know what he'll be going on about."
"Yes, but if we suddenly stop inviting him this year and he finds out the party went ahead then it'll just be awkward."
"I suppose so. Maybe if we take the bananas out of the fruit bowl? To not give him a cue, at least."
"I think we should hide the fruit bowl altogether. Just the sight of any fruit might give him a cognitive pathway to destination bloody banana."
"Good idea. I should probably tell all the other guests not to wear anything yellow."
"Yes, good idea. What's on the background mix tape? Not Bananarama, I hope!"
"No, I think this meant to be the 1970s."
"OK, so...hide the fruit bowl, don't wear yellow..should we just skip food altogether? A banana is a type of food, after all."
"We might even need to skip alcohol! What if someone asks for a banana daiquiri?"
"Well, a fine party THIS will be!"

Skip to three hours later, party getting going.

"Oh, look, here comes David!"
"Is he....DRESSED as a banana?!"