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March 28, 2024, 12:10:42 PM

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The Chef's Special Sauce

Started by Tony Tony Tony, May 14, 2020, 08:24:44 AM

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Tony Tony Tony

Prompted by a mention of unspeakable things another CaBber adds to Carbonara (You know who you are) I mused on tales of what kitchen staff may or may not have done to the meals sent back or supplied to arsehole customers. Whilst there are plenty of tales from a friend of a friend highlighting additions to meals backstage, does anyone here have actual first hand knowledge of same?

In addition a recent news story https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7tutlh highlighted this does happen... though only in China where nothing that happens there ever affects us, eh?   

Buelligan

If I told you, I'd have to poison you.

Marner and Me

When I worked in a small cafe we had a chef come in who was wanting an easier life after chefing in top places in London, Chelsea FC hospitality was his last main gig. He saw the sights of London, including the Gallaghers pissed up trying to get one another into a waiting taxi and tales of Marco Pirre White going out fighting. Anyway one tale he told me was one chef used to fuck his dough before putting it in the oven to turn it into bread.

Tony Tony Tony

Quote from: Marner and Me on May 14, 2020, 09:10:17 AM
Anyway one tale he told me was one chef used to fuck his dough before putting it in the oven to turn it into bread.

I'll be steering clear of his doughnuts then.

Emma Raducanu

I'm sure anyone who values their work would just send a decent plate of food back out. Anyone who has the inclination to fuck food or spit in it probably works somewhere shit and you'd do well to avoid eating there in the first place. There's no other profession I've heard of where someone would deliberately sabotage their own labour for a laugh.

Fr.Bigley

Quote from: Tony Tony Tony on May 14, 2020, 09:31:05 AM
I'll be steering clear of his doughnuts then.

Weirdly on the doughnut line, my missus was making some the other day and they came out looking great, without thinking I opened my mouth and the three words that followed still perplex me..."Brazilian sex doughnuts"...she looked at me like I'd just shagged her mum.

Someone my sister knew worked in this place where they make sandwiches and after a works night out they were all vomiting into the big vats of sandwich filling and just stirring it in.

Might be bollocks but it's a fun little image nonetheless.

Pijlstaart

I used to work in a kitchen as a washeroo, I'd clean the messes they made, and they appreciated me, I was the light in their darkness. They were bad men, leather jackets and beards and video games, and they did bad things, it's the way they were, but they always protected me from it. They'd have me lift my apron over my scrubbed cherub face so I couldn't see them, but I heard their noises, bad noises, bubbling, thick wet slaps and grunted cursing. Never any complaints though, so it must have been fine.

I've never believed this really happens, although knowing the depths of vile depravity people are all too willing to plumb it probably does happens,
picture like, customer sends back a plate of scallops to the kitchen.
Chef goes, OK, one moment, unzips trousers, manipulates penis to a standing, some how arouses himself to completion all over the scallops in front of the kitchen staff, "send that back".
Waiter takes out plate of completely unchanged scallops that are now decorated with enough semen.
Custmer: "ah yes that is much better, mmm. Yum . "


flotemysost

I worked in a pub/hotel and sometimes when I was delivering room service during long shifts I'd sneak tiny bits of food off the plate while going up in the lift, not out of spite, just because I was bored and hungry. Only ever in a way so that the customer would be none the wiser, though - one fewer cube of cheese sitting on a salad, say.

I did hear about someone who found a beetle in a salad that they'd ordered in a fancy cocktail bar and it ended up being sent off to London Zoo for identification, which is a very convoluted way of not admitting your kitchen has a cockroach problem.

Quote from: flotemysost on May 14, 2020, 10:51:23 PM
I did hear about someone who found a beetle in a salad that they'd ordered in a fancy cocktail bar and it ended up being sent off to London Zoo

That's nice, I hope it had a lovely time

flotemysost

Quote from: Prison Biscuits on May 14, 2020, 10:53:24 PM
That's nice, I hope it had a lovely time

Kafka's first draft 'too cheerful'