Jerkless June 2020: The Lockdown Cockdown

[imitationleather]

The forfeit for everybody is if you do a cum you have to do your cum on Zoom and I have to watch it because I'm gay and hot for cum.

Forfeit? Sounds more like first prize for finding the cure for cancer.

[Tony Tony Tony]

It won't count if I refrain from putting a finger up my bum whilst bashing the bishop, right?

[Paul Calf]

"Lockdown is boring and I've got no money."

"Wanking is free though".

"No, I'm not doing that because of some weird masturbation-focused cult internet event".

[Tony Tony Tony]

"Wanking is free though".

Not always so... I have been getting a man in who does for me since I won twenty five of your British pounds on the lottery.

Although his rates are very reasonable the funds will dry up come June.

[Paul Calf]

It is hard to get the staff.

[Cerys]

out popped my helmet all shiny and new

I doubt it.

[poo]

Shittest thing ever anyone who does this is a cunt

[ImmaculateClump]

I doubt it.

Well, I remember telling my friend the next day and he asked "was it not all caked with disgusting nob cheese?" which remained an alien concept to me until years later after a long music festival where my personal hygiene routine devolved into rinsing my mouth out with warm flat dregs of beer of a morning.

I think that's what the popping sensation was, the foreskin was so tight that not even air was able to get down there around my helmet, so it was clean as a whistle, fresh out the wrapper.
You could have eaten your dinner off it! Though you would have had to consider the portion size and reduce the amount of food accordingly.

[Cerys]

Clearly the popping sensation was caused by the cosmic wormhole that transported years of accumulated smegma across the Universe to a location where it can cause the most confusion, scientific analysis, and political upheaval.  Future generations will refer to The Time of ImmaculateClump's Knobcheese, and songs will be sung about you in languages that probably shouldn't be understood by anyone.

[ImmaculateClump]

Haha! I've always believed that you shouldn't aim to be the hero of your own narrative, but I have to say, this is all very enticing.

I can see George Lucas going in and making a special edition of 2001, replacing the monoliths with great big chunks of my solidified smegma. The absolute stench knocking the monkeys for six, opening their minds to the wonders of the universe.

[Cerys]

2020: A Spunk Odyssey

[ImmaculateClump]

A good year. Vintage!

[Cerys]

That explains the ... ripe bouquet.

Edit - DISCLAIMER: to the best of my knowledge I have never had my nose near ImmaculateClump's immaculate clumps.

[ImmaculateClump]

Oh wow, they were just the two words that fell into my mind when I was choosing my username.
It all makes perfect sense now and I've found my avatar!

[Cerys]

It isn't this, is it?

[ImmaculateClump]

Ew, what the hell is that? It looks like some sort of Cronenbergian brain/sausage cube.
I was just going to do a lump of Stilton with monkeys dancing around it.

[Cerys]

A skin cells Rubik cube sculpture, apparently -

https://m.facebook.com/pg/GummiFetus/photos/?tab=album&album_id=10155767012633769

Monkeys dancing around Stilton sounds truly worthy.  Make it so :)