what would you do if you really need a poo in an English country garden

[pancreas]

Find abandoned huts and empty out your guts

Conduct your peristalsis in other people's trousers

[Pink Gregory]

nah that's shit

[non capisco]

It's so nice to see someone of your calibre coming down to our level.
No one can do fart jokes like the Oxford elite.

Everybody farts, but you'll never know the complicated richness of man's olfactory assault on nature until you've eaten an undercooked pheasant in a poorly ventilated dormitory.

You wouldn't ask a classical musician to play in a punk band, let's put it that way.

I liked how there were a couple of minutes between each suggestion.
I could picture you leaning back, stroking your bearded chin, maybe having a puff on the old opium pipe for inspiration, and then bang!
The gods would relay their gift and you'd scramble back to the keyboard to catch the fleeting idea before it escaped like an unsmelt fart.

Thank you for your patronising contribution to the lowly arts. Do a shoulder stand and shit into your hands in an English country garden.

I wasn't being serious and I can't even work out if you are. Not even CaB makes sense to me now.

[Replies From View]

I would fifmtbroke the ants and tjdnfnfodjbe the ants

In an English Comfrey Gardins

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

tear off your bra and crap in the ha-ha

Absolutely no need to take off your bra to do that, you're clearly sacrificing realism for rhyme scheme.
Reported.

[ImmaculateClump]

I wasn't being serious and I can't even work out if you are. Not even CaB makes sense to me now.

Sorry, I was just joining in, taking what you said and running with it. Just being silly. You're lovely!
I was ve' ve' drunk and probably came across a bit too serious. Didn't help that I forgot to put any jokes in :S
My fault.

[The Crumb]

Fudge up my duds amongst the spring buds

[Pink Gregory]

park you-ur breakfast
amongst the rudbeckias

[Pink Gregory]

cover up the ground
with a mulch of your brown

[Pink Gregory]

Confuse the owls
with the contents of your bowels

[Fr.Bigley]

Give the shrubs allure with a log of your manure.

[non capisco]

Sorry, I was just joining in, taking what you said and running with it. Just being silly. You're lovely!
I was ve' ve' drunk and probably came across a bit too serious. Didn't help that I forgot to put any jokes in :S
My fault.

Flipping heck, sorry! I swear I've become more stupid under lockdown!

[Pink Gregory]

make sure that you spatter
all of the green matter

[Pink Gregory]

pebble dash the rose and make sure to hold your nose

[rack and peanut]

Drop what I'm doing cos I need to go a pooing

Open up my ass and leave a brown mass

Get arrested by the cops cos I'm naked when it drops

Can't get a lawyer cos I shat in their foyer

Got sent to court and then crapped in my shorts

Ended up in jail and wiped with the mail

In an English country garden

[Pink Gregory]

Perk up the peat with that which you excrete

[Replies From View]

Confuse the owls
with the contents of your bowels

why would they find it confusing

[Replies From View]

Drop what I'm doing cos I need to go a pooing

Open up my ass and leave a brown mass

Get arrested by the cops cos I'm naked when it drops

Can't get a lawyer cos I shat in their foyer

Got sent to court and then crapped in my shorts

Ended up in jail and wiped with the mail

In an English country garden

So you're saying the lawyer's foyer, the court itself and the jail are all within this English Country Garden you are shitting in.

In this instance it seems you can't escape the English Country Garden wherever you go.  If you went to the toilets in Debenhams you'd still be in an English Country Garden.  It bends the rules too much.


What would you do if you desperately needed a shit in an English Country Garden?  Oh, I would stroll past the pensioners eating their canteen scrambled egg and utilise the Gents' toilet in the usual way, flush and wash my hands.  Hopefully the pensioners won't catch my covids in this English Country Garden but then it would be their own fault for sitting around indoors and in such close proximity.

[Tony Tony Tony]

In need of a brown trout I'd let the bugger out... In an etc

[Tony Tony Tony]

When I felt the turtles head I'd spread in the seed bed.. In an etc.

[Tony Tony Tony]

When I am touching cloth, that's it now trousers off... In an etc.

[Tony Tony Tony]

Feel the need to drop a stool, then kids off at the pool.. In an etc

[Pink Gregory]

why would they find it confusing

They could think that it's little brown mice

[idunnosomename]

Absolutely no need to take off your bra to do that, you're clearly sacrificing realism for rhyme scheme.
Reported.

i was imagining a rampant exhibitionist