Serious thread: Covid-19 recovery phase

[shiftwork2]

Don't lurch into my fine thread after a few Friday night drinks and cock around with your usual HS Art bollocks.  How dare you.  I want your predictions for the new normal.

* Fast food pigeons doing burger meals.  I'm lovin' it.
* Drive-thru barbers. 'Drive-thru barber was it mate.  Was it in the dark as well?'.
* Zoom dental appointments.  Including 1930s-style home extractions.  'Make sure the cotton thread is tight around the tooth and around the door handle..now slam the door!'

[Fambo Number Mive]

Government to allow mass orgies and dogging again from Friday. All orifices not in used must be masked though.

Another Tory MP to appear on Have I Got News For You and face almost no criticism of the Government's response, but be asked to caption a photo of Jeremy Corbyn. They will go on to guest host the programme in 2021.

Coronavirus bins where possibly infected clothing can be placed to be installed in city centres.

Trump to order all governors to buy nets for catching the coronavirus in from Trump Nets, and suggest that people should protest against any governor who doesn't.

Metro newspaper to be published in a wipe-clean format like children's bath books (do they still do them? It's been over 30 years since I used one) so you can take it home, clean it and finish off the last six pages.

[Ferris]

No-contact massages. Take your kit off and lie under a towel in a steamy room while some chap behind perspex says "mmmm... relaxing"

NB the steam smells of disinfectant

[idunnosomename]

Farting to resume from Tuesday

[Bence Fekete]

Swingers are set to celebrate easing restrictions by easing themselves into one colosall great big sticky orgy.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Government to urge people to vote Conservative to guard against the virus. Covid is most scared of support for centre right politics, according to Matt Hancock shortly before he pulled down his pants and curled one out onto the floor in front of the media.

2m rule increased to 5m in the case of  distance between Boris Johnson and members of the public.

All library books to be dunked in bath of disenfectant before being reshelved.

[idunnosomename]

Meats back on the menu boys

[Replies From View]

any meats in particular

[idunnosomename]

beans

[BlodwynPig]

* Fast food pigeons doing burger meals.  I'm dovin' it.

[MinnieTimperley]

Don't lurch into my fine thread after a few Friday night drinks and cock around with your usual HS Art bollocks.  How dare you.  I want your predictions for the new normal.


* Drive-thru barbers. 'Drive-thru barber was it mate.  Was it in the dark as well?'.

Hahaha...haha

[MinnieTimperley]

Police more and more concerned over the growing amount of pop up drive thru pubs.

Also specsavers new drive eye test is being scrutinised

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Pubs open for exactly one night before Daddy Leo shuts them down again, due to publicans being utterly unable to enforce social distancing among a stampede of lonely alcoholics.

Due to our nearest neighbours being led by a demented racist and an incompetent pig, Leo Varadkar's image is utterly rehabilitated. The CervicalCheck scandal is quietly forgotten until it shows up twenty years later on Reeling in the Years, accompanied by silence rather than a jaunty hit from 2018.

Gaelic games are transformed utterly, as social distancing rules force hurlers and footballers to pass more and clobber each other less. Similarly, the Ireland soccer team's tendency to hoof the ball up the field becomes an asset.

In the wake of the COVID-19 lockdown, the population becomes more sympathetic to refugees and asylum seekers fleeing from war, famine and plague. Direct Provision centres are closed down due to public outrage and their inhabitants housed in the community. There are plenty of houses because, having realised that people are more important than profit, the government embarks on an ambitious scheme of building and buying enough houses and apartments for everybody. Also, a pig with wings is born.

Leo Varadkar and Michéal Martin agree to a complicated Confidence and Supply agreement, switching off being Taoiseach every other year, while Mary Lou MacDonald glowers sulkily through the window. The people accept the exclusion of the party with a second largest majority from government formation talks because nobody actually wanted a Sinn Féin government, shure we were only messing.

...Oh wait that last one is actually happening.