A forgotten episode of Ground Force in which Charlie Dimmock's prolapse is used as a water feature, because the budget had run out, the homeowners are chuffed to bits.
A forgotten episode of Ground Force where they Find
It beneath the patio as they're excavating. As the shovel sinks into the soil and the characteristic sifting sounds give way to a noisy, hollow
CRNK, Titchmarsh and Dimmock both turn to camera, having been discussing the right type of mulch to lay down, and give a satisfied titter. "I think we might've hit their pipes!" "Oh dear, Alan, you silly sod!" they say, as Titchmarsh raises the shovel full of earth and gently heaps it onto the growing pile. White. Green. Grey. Red. "... Have they buried their dog out here?" asks Dimmock, as Titchmarsh stares down in horrific confusion.
The cameraman, having previously worked in disaster zones for daytime news, quickly whip-pans away to the nearest item he can find -- Tommy Walsh, who was out of frame. His cigarette falls from his lips. He stares in the direction we know Titchmarsh and Dimmock once were. He steps backward. An inhuman scream. A yell of shock. The patio doors slide open behind Walsh, revealing a cavernous black void where there once was a cozy mid-market living room. The semi-detached slice of comfort has become a nightmare. A single tendril of lightless chitin rends its way through the afternoon air, and Walsh is borne back, back, back, into that yawning maw of darkness. The camera spins out of focus, and then crashes. Our last visible frame is a single, static glimpse at Walsh's screaming face in the bottom corner of the frame; enshrouded by blackness and half-faded into the shadows of a forgotten night. What once was, and what once will be.
The tape is blank. It has always been blank. It will always be blank.
