Author Topic: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes  (Read 51908 times)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1410 on: April 03, 2021, 10:11:14 AM »
Cantine slop described as 'mung-level', 'AIDS OUROBOROS', 'holocaust confirming', 'post-necromancy', 'everything I didn't want forever' and 'cack tuck' was all made by your mum, the one you call mummy, she did it all, and is responsible, and the press are here, they are asking why, they are asking where she is, they are asking you to justify this, come on then..

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1411 on: April 03, 2021, 10:18:15 AM »
Your knee pus is deployed as a binding agent for telegraph pole repairs in Benin, and 'they'll be back on Tuesday to get more of it'.

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1412 on: April 03, 2021, 02:44:53 PM »
"Do you want to come back to my place and look at my extensive Mini Eggs wrapper collection?"

pancreas

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1413 on: April 04, 2021, 12:31:02 AM »
Shoulders, those last two were particularly excellent.

petrilTanaka

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1414 on: April 04, 2021, 12:49:12 AM »
car poo wth Robert Llewellyn

touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1415 on: April 04, 2021, 03:06:22 PM »
A Pueblo clown spends their life savings to fund a trip to Stoke Newington to observe first hand some 90s comedians in their native environment.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1416 on: April 04, 2021, 03:10:33 PM »
A Pueblo clown spends their life savings to fund a trip to Stoke Newington to observe first hand some 90s comedians in their native environment.

Brilliant.

Glebe

  • It was just a bad fortnight.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1417 on: April 05, 2021, 12:52:37 AM »
Richard Dawkins describes happiness as "supernatural nonsense".

Utterdrivel

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1418 on: April 06, 2021, 10:50:55 AM »
Prostate massage in an abandoned whelk farm

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1419 on: April 06, 2021, 12:53:00 PM »
Frank Spencer tribute goes a bomb at a gammon club in Wensleydale.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1420 on: April 06, 2021, 07:28:46 PM »
Prostate massage in an abandoned whelk farm

Prostate massage at a newly consecrated whelk farm.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1421 on: April 07, 2021, 08:27:51 AM »
Recordings emerge of Matt Hancock discussing Belly Mujinga and how he will 'crush her in the Octagon'.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1422 on: April 07, 2021, 03:54:10 PM »
Squiggins the hamster passes on to the afterlife. In memoriam, its owner Keith faxes individual sheets of pink printer paper that gradually spell out 'Thank you pet and goodbye' to the back office castastroplegic at Bicester Rymans, who doesn't know Keith nor Pet.

'Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say a few words directly?'

'No that would be wholly inappropriate', Keith replies.

petrilTanaka

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1423 on: April 07, 2021, 04:15:18 PM »
the semi final of a cup less important than the league cup

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1424 on: April 07, 2021, 05:55:32 PM »
You transition to become black purely to prove racism doesn't exist

batwings

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1425 on: April 07, 2021, 10:06:03 PM »
Hounded by the Dignitas marketing algorithm.

Now on Babestation, in a change from our regular programming, here's Grinding With Arthur Mallard.

Richard Dawkins harangues a broken shaman outside a Glastonbury woo parlour.




FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1426 on: April 08, 2021, 12:11:53 AM »
Frozen pizza in the oven, will be done in 28 minutes, most excitement since January.

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1427 on: April 08, 2021, 12:19:09 AM »
Ollie from Oldham spends four years studying the natterjack toad.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1428 on: April 08, 2021, 08:33:34 PM »
A coxswain is fucked into smithereens by a series of storks

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1429 on: April 08, 2021, 09:39:32 PM »
A cock-up in the Mastermind office means you're answering questions on Birds of a Feather 2014-2017. Next round is Sri Lankan test cricket.

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1430 on: April 09, 2021, 03:40:11 AM »
Dusty old Craig of Mendip enjoys a Boon VHS binge.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1431 on: April 10, 2021, 01:34:13 PM »
Sarah Kennedy spews a splashy jet of Rioja all over her lap at the sight of fairness on a mild ITV police procedural.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1432 on: April 11, 2021, 08:48:27 AM »
Terry who can only get hard by huffing pva glue during circuit breaker lockdowns petitions his MP who tells him to visit his GP who tells him to fuck off and die

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1433 on: April 11, 2021, 01:33:17 PM »
Royston Kettleworth hangs around street corners in his hometown of Holmfirth waiting to "spit at a burka."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1434 on: April 11, 2021, 01:47:25 PM »
The good people of Beccles vote to become genderfluid, to the irritation of the 24% who don't want to.

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1435 on: April 12, 2021, 04:12:27 PM »
Steve Davis is fired from snooker and ends up working in a dildo manufacturing plant.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1436 on: April 13, 2021, 04:09:07 AM »
Why is it that the queen is allowed to own all the wild living white swans on English and Welsh rivers, lakes and canals yet somehow doesn’t own the wild living black swans of our waterways - it’s political correctness gone mad I tell you, mad. Also, why don’t the Islam’s give up Muslims  for Lent, they don’t want to integrate.

buttgammon

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1437 on: April 13, 2021, 08:19:14 AM »
Why is it that the queen is allowed to own all the wild living white swans on English and Welsh rivers, lakes and canals yet somehow doesn't own the wild living black swans of our waterways - it's political correctness gone mad I tell you, mad. Also, why don't the Islam's give up Muslims  for Lent, they don't want to integrate.

The new prime minister's first speech from the Downing Street lectern is widely acknowledged as a triumph of oration.

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1438 on: April 13, 2021, 01:31:52 PM »
Bert of Hove slides inexorably into a mediocrity swamp.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #1439 on: April 13, 2021, 02:06:05 PM »
Your new title 'Gerald of Pus' fails to impress three girls at a bus stop.

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