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Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, June 02, 2020, 09:29:27 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Cantine slop described as 'mung-level', 'AIDS OUROBOROS', 'holocaust confirming', 'post-necromancy', 'everything I didn't want forever' and 'cack tuck' was all made by your mum, the one you call mummy, she did it all, and is responsible, and the press are here, they are asking why, they are asking where she is, they are asking you to justify this, come on then..

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Your knee pus is deployed as a binding agent for telegraph pole repairs in Benin, and 'they'll be back on Tuesday to get more of it'.

Glebe

"Do you want to come back to my place and look at my extensive Mini Eggs wrapper collection?"

pancreas

Shoulders, those last two were particularly excellent.

petril


touchingcloth

A Pueblo clown spends their life savings to fund a trip to Stoke Newington to observe first hand some 90s comedians in their native environment.

Ferris

Quote from: touchingcloth on April 04, 2021, 03:06:22 PM
A Pueblo clown spends their life savings to fund a trip to Stoke Newington to observe first hand some 90s comedians in their native environment.

Brilliant.

Glebe

Richard Dawkins describes happiness as "supernatural nonsense".

The Bumlord

Prostate massage in an abandoned whelk farm

Glebe

Frank Spencer tribute goes a bomb at a gammon club in Wensleydale.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Utterdrivel on April 06, 2021, 10:50:55 AM
Prostate massage in an abandoned whelk farm

Prostate massage at a newly consecrated whelk farm.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Recordings emerge of Matt Hancock discussing Belly Mujinga and how he will 'crush her in the Octagon'.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Squiggins the hamster passes on to the afterlife. In memoriam, its owner Keith faxes individual sheets of pink printer paper that gradually spell out 'Thank you pet and goodbye' to the back office castastroplegic at Bicester Rymans, who doesn't know Keith nor Pet.

'Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say a few words directly?'

'No that would be wholly inappropriate', Keith replies.

petril

the semi final of a cup less important than the league cup

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You transition to become black purely to prove racism doesn't exist

batwings

Hounded by the Dignitas marketing algorithm.

Now on Babestation, in a change from our regular programming, here's Grinding With Arthur Mallard.

Richard Dawkins harangues a broken shaman outside a Glastonbury woo parlour.




Ferris

Frozen pizza in the oven, will be done in 28 minutes, most excitement since January.

Glebe

Ollie from Oldham spends four years studying the natterjack toad.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A coxswain is fucked into smithereens by a series of storks

dissolute ocelot

A cock-up in the Mastermind office means you're answering questions on Birds of a Feather 2014-2017. Next round is Sri Lankan test cricket.

Glebe

Dusty old Craig of Mendip enjoys a Boon VHS binge.

Chicory

Sarah Kennedy spews a splashy jet of Rioja all over her lap at the sight of fairness on a mild ITV police procedural.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Terry who can only get hard by huffing pva glue during circuit breaker lockdowns petitions his MP who tells him to visit his GP who tells him to fuck off and die

Glebe

Royston Kettleworth hangs around street corners in his hometown of Holmfirth waiting to "spit at a burka."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

The good people of Beccles vote to become genderfluid, to the irritation of the 24% who don't want to.

Glebe

Steve Davis is fired from snooker and ends up working in a dildo manufacturing plant.

derek stitt

Why is it that the queen is allowed to own all the wild living white swans on English and Welsh rivers, lakes and canals yet somehow doesn't own the wild living black swans of our waterways - it's political correctness gone mad I tell you, mad. Also, why don't the Islam's give up Muslims  for Lent, they don't want to integrate.

buttgammon

Quote from: derek stitt on April 13, 2021, 04:09:07 AM
Why is it that the queen is allowed to own all the wild living white swans on English and Welsh rivers, lakes and canals yet somehow doesn't own the wild living black swans of our waterways - it's political correctness gone mad I tell you, mad. Also, why don't the Islam's give up Muslims  for Lent, they don't want to integrate.

The new prime minister's first speech from the Downing Street lectern is widely acknowledged as a triumph of oration.

Glebe

Bert of Hove slides inexorably into a mediocrity swamp.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Your new title 'Gerald of Pus' fails to impress three girls at a bus stop.