Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[Ferris]

Last of the Summer Wine cosplay.

...ends in disaster as a pound-shop Compo's bathtub whizzes down the hill and merges onto the southbound lane of the M42.

[Twit 2]

They arrive to find you sprawled on blueprints. "I'm plotting my farts!" you shriek.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You envy Stig of the Dump and call him 'one of the detached woke metropolitan elite who knows nothing about the real world'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You daughter 'Arsenal Gaycum' (your choice not hers) runs over your leg in your stalker's jeep.

[Glebe]

A minor Reginald stuffs its face with whole wheat until his face turns mardy.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You get an uncooked Charlie Bingham's AIDS Banquet in the face.

[Ferris]

Captain Tom Funko Pops.

[Glebe]

An Angela Merkel lookalike contest ends tragically when one of the judges murders one Merkel with a bratwurst.

[Twit 2]

Pubes Daz gets promoted to assistant manager of a garden centre after his decision to sell tits poking out of gravel goes down a storm with the public.

[Glebe]

A budget variety show is cancelled at ITV in 1964, and "up an coming star" Tiggey Hawkins goes alcohol mental and enters oblivion.

[Chicory]

A GP born after the 'You Know When You've Been Tangoed' adverts peers at your painful testicles and says "no can do, chief"

[Glebe]

A day's orienteering around a grim precinct.

[dex]

A Jimmy Carr like, shit-bellow of a laugh caused by a series of Jokes on a Jim Davidson VHS.

[Glebe]

Harold of Cheshire is a "fan of rats".

[Glebe]

A racial supremacist organises a stamp collecting convention in Skegness.

[pancreas]

A 55 year old man unmutes himself in Zoom so he can type loudly into the chat.

[Glebe]

France turns into a giant kumquat and is declared a 'no-Clegg' zone, that's Peter Sallis' character Captain Clegg from vintage drama The Last Dregs of the Summertime Wine. Anyone who is Clegg who is attempting to enter the kumqaut will be shot on sight. "More news as it progresses," mumbled Jon Snow this afternoon.

[dex]

Pato Banton is having a bath in your house when you come in from work. He leaves a pile of pubes in the plughole.

[Cuellar]

Andre Rieu and his orchestra oompahing their way through all the favourites (live!) provides the soundtrack to your march to the death camp

[Glebe]

Rancid cabbage is all I can offer for your post-covid 'victory dinner'.

[Glebe]

Pete Waterman fires an assistant for bringing him a gone-off bottle of Benecol.

[Rizla]

A washing machine in a carpeted kitchen.

[Ferris]

A home made beef burger served between 2 slices of white bread.

[Glebe]

Recycled prison toilet paper Rizlas.

[seepage]

A home made beef burger served between 2 slices of white bread.

Euphoria, surely?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Euphoria, surely?

Reveal: the 'home made' beef burger is actually another slice of bread folded in half

[Rizla]

Recycled prison toilet paper Rizlas.

The toilet paper from the recycled prison belongs to me?

[Glebe]

The toilet paper from the recycled prison belongs to me?

YES!

[Fishfinger]

A massive stroke grants you the speech patterns of Robert Peston.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Your guide to Secret Northampton wins an award and several institutional investors say they are interested.