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Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, June 02, 2020, 09:29:27 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Spoon of Ploff

all you can dream about these days is eating a beetroot salad

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Only 4 people attend your Lard Festival in Thurrock


Glebe

Mike of Derby enjoys warm Strongbow and is obsessed with darts, by his own admission, "to a sexual degree."

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Two men argue at 4 am in the hallway of a Northern Irish block of flats over a box of warm dog shit.

pancreas

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on May 13, 2021, 04:43:42 PM
Two men argue at 4 am in the hallway of a Northern Irish block of flats over a box of warm dog shit.

You are the person from the council that has to deal with it. It is your fourth time there this week.

pancreas

After your toddler gets into your cache of pills, you confess to your friends that you are 'between children at the moment'.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Your tombola of corns and calluses is impounded by the local authority.

Glebe

Ryvita is declared a delicacy in Hove.

BlodwynPig

Egg and Salad Cream sandwiches, exclusively @your M&S


...drools Dervla Kirwan


...on one of your bespoke deepfake edits

Glebe

Reginald's mould obsession leads him to be sectioned.

batwings

A Peter Skellern tribute act tells people he's "in it for the pussy".


Glebe


the midnight watch baboon

A hokey-cokey is so banal that no one turns around.

Fishfinger

Sunday dindins, and we gnaw all the compacted stuff off our lips while Jesus screams in the corner.

Fishfinger

Been twitching a lot since the brain-toad burst out of your skull. Wetly and flatly it flaps away. "You could've asked!?" you shout. flap. flop. hop. brain trail.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Fishfinger

The peak of Golgotha and the bored armoured suit in charge says, "Sorry guys, actually, uhm, there's been a scheduling issue and the crucifixions will be tomorrow. If you could just... yeah. I mean thanks, thanks guys..."

Chicory

Ian's Spice habit only amplifies the endless echo of Steve Penk's pleasure grunts rattling through his brain meat.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Ian Spice, of the abandoned Spice Boys pop group is discovered bagged and dessicated in a copse.

Glebe

The Bread Reenactment Society, who recreate scenes from Carla Lane sitcom Bread, break up for good after a particularly bad performance in Bootle.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: batwings on May 06, 2021, 10:23:55 PM
You have an arse age of eighty and a cock age of two.

The scope of your piles disqualifies you from the single occupancy council tax discount.

Your DIY colostomy kit arrives with Hungarian instructions and missing a clamp.

Amazing salvo middle one espesh

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Glebe on May 12, 2021, 11:07:51 PM
Mike of Derby enjoys warm Strongbow and is obsessed with darts, by his own admission, "to a sexual degree."

Lovely phrasing

Glebe

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on May 16, 2021, 10:50:14 PMLovely phrasing

Cheers PS!

A man challenging his local post office to stop selling "them nuisance fidget spinners" describes it as a "David vs Goliath" battle in the village pamphlet.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You are so bunged up that they even call in the Royal Bungmaster, who arrives replete in ermine gown and livery collar polishing a dangerous looking brass implement and ordering his servants to begin the first step, a short ritual dance movement called 'The Hiss'.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

As Kit Kat's #4 fan on Facebook for 15 years you win a Kit Kat

Glebe

Jonathan Ross defecates into a McDonald's burger box during a lockdown-defying break in the South of France.

pancreas

Dyson's Home Colonic Irrigation range is recalled, but not before 15 cases of 'inversion' at a purge party near Lyme Regis.

Ferris

Your wife takes the "Kiss The Cook!" aprons in the divorce.

Glebe