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Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, June 02, 2020, 09:29:27 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

pancreas

You are asked to leave a CAMRA meeting for boring people.

Twit 2

Your surgeon hooks your innards to your cheeks, so that you salivate diarrhoea into your mouth.

Ferris

Quote from: pancreas on July 19, 2021, 12:36:44 PM
You are asked to leave a CAMRA meeting for boring people.

Every CAMRA meeting is for boring people? They're the only ones that join in the first place.

Glebe

Your arse buys shares in a failing drainpipe company.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Belted up the arse by an obstruction and hindrances surveyor, this is his technique of removing hindrances, you are the obstruction and the hindrance and you will soon have been rectified.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You win a paint bucket full of sheep cum and it's collection only from Grondon in Layer-de-la-Haye.

shagatha crustie

You are worked to death setting up Facebook ads for a struggling Laser Quest in Hove.

Glebe

The Gyles Brandreth fan club folds when it's sole member looses interest.

pancreas

You realise people are staring at you in embarrassment and disbelief when you begin to eat your After Eight with a knife and fork, like mother taught you to.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Sargon of Akkad is denied a bank loan by someone he characterises as an 'establishment Remoaner'.

touchingcloth

Belted up the arse by an ombudsman cosplaying as a Boglin.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Ferris


shagatha crustie

You develop a sentient crust on your feet that hisses at you in the night.

shagatha crustie

You are informed via Microsoft Teams that you are to be executed by firing squad.

PlanktonSideburns

Mother's Ashes in Sports Direct Mug

Chollis


touchingcloth

A VHS copy of About Schmidt is the only serviceable wanking material in your bunker.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You are complimented by the paramedic on the selection of drugs he has pumped out of your stomach

shagatha crustie

You regress utterly and are now capable only of sucking pease pudding and angel delight from a surrogate plastic teat.

shagatha crustie

A disagreement breaks out on a forum dedicated to the uploading of 'spousal bumhole winking' vids. As the admin, you are required to mediate.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You are called upon to manhandle and restrain a sweating Barry of the docks.

Glebe

A lamprey starts arguing with a bloke about the past fiscal year.

You want to adjust your anus but you only have metric allen keys.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You get a Commonwealth war grave in the face. You understand, right? There's a Commonwealth war grave and it has gone right into your face.

Glebe

You make a wank over a stick figure with tits you drew on the back of a jaffa cakes box last for four hours.

seepage

Cancelled by Just Eat. Next time and you're out.

jenna appleseed

Costa closed for a few minutes so it wouldn't have to deliver me a muffin.

Mystery ubereats deliveries of corner shop fags & booze from a phantom Londis.

Glebe

Greasy Nerys makes way for a vomit spew courtesy of Lech Lennie.

PlanktonSideburns

Greggs gets bought up by Londis

It's called

Grondis