Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, June 02, 2020, 09:29:27 PM

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Twit 2

The course of your life takes an ill turn, owning to some flaccid callipers.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

After a two hour long personality test the careers path software recommends you become a Slopwretch.

shagatha crustie

You find a disturbing 'Easter egg' in the 'pregnancy' segment of an online workplace DSE training course.

dex

QuoteJust made a guy shag a tin of cold beans. It's good to be back.

Glebe

A grim cloud passes over you during a depression spell.

Greg Torso

The local parish newsletter reviews your son's school nativity play as 'Muppet Babies for cunts'.

Greg Torso

Your wife comes home from hospital with a long rubbery baby called Bungle The Perv.

Greg Torso

Bath Time Elvis blocks all your plug holes with greasy rhinestones.

pancreas

Sitting in a bath of beans raising money to raise money for Help the Heroes and your wife throws in a toaster on an extension lead.

Glebe

Turpin Gangle of Grimsby completes his Wotsit bag collection.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: pancreas on August 24, 2021, 04:41:04 PM
Sitting in a bath of beans raising money to raise money for Help the Heroes and your wife throws in a toaster on an extension lead.

... It's a genuine attempt to cook the beans

Shoulders?-Stomach!

"Has anyone fuck been ter the moon", your father opines from a zero-g commode capsule on Mimas.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A court grants conservatorship over you to a stranger called 'Dobson The Belter'.

Ferris

A letter in Wednesday's post informs you that you are now banned from Wagamamas (reason not given).

pancreas

You are forced to issue a product recall on your faeces.

Glebe

Your arse seems you unsuitable for ownership.

Cuellar

Forced to become a 'gland ambassador' for an intimidating man in your local Aldi

buttgammon

Someone injects botulism into your Rustler's burger and you don't care because it improves the taste.

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Greg Torso on August 24, 2021, 04:24:41 PM
The local parish newsletter reviews your son's school nativity play as 'Muppet Babies for cunts'.

and gets a straight to video x-rated 'parody' as Muppet cunts for babies.

batwings

Using one of your Simon Bates scrapbooks to fix a wobble on the nightstand next to your deathbed.

touchingcloth

During the ultrasound, your unborn child - it's the size of a grapefruit - calls you a horrific Boglin and asks for an abortion.

During your next ultrasound, your unborn twins - cantaloupe-sized - are furiously belting each other up the arse.

seepage

Your girlfriend arrives for dinner just as you discover the tin of baked beans that was going to form a key element of the meal has got those funny little sausages in.

Chicory


WhoMe

Grandma notices her shy grandson hasn't deposited the cheque she sent last month for his birthday. After a quick phone call and some words of encouragement he promises to do it the next day.




Shoulders?-Stomach!

You are convinced your stalled career, lack of success with women and groinal acne is due to the Kerryman.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You are compelled by dint of execution to Alan Smithee your directorial debut porno.

madhair60

Opening the app to track your cab only to see the little taxi icon speeding away from your position

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Chollis on August 10, 2021, 02:52:34 AM
An 11 year old named Simply Clegg, born and christened in the hopeful early days of the coalition government, is finally euthanized.

PlanktonSideburns


touchingcloth

A third go on the village defibrillator fails to bung your heart back to life.