Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, June 02, 2020, 09:29:27 PM

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batwings

Can't get past the captcha on your dialysis machine.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Glebe

You watch a VHS of Dunston Checks In instead of going to a smashing party.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Gerard Talbot, Certified Heavy Cummer from Killorglin wins The Rose of Tralee.

touchingcloth

You cum on a microscope slide and spend an evening naming all of the sperm.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


derek stitt

Going on holiday to Uruguay to be closer to your Fray Bentos

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You are newly consecrated as a heritage version of yourself and have to tour the country performing all your great one liners and standout moments of your life. These are limited to sharting your school shorts and shouting 'watch it!' at a bin man.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You describe your wife in the wedding speech as a 'flattened oval or worm-like animal'.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Colin of Stabvest, MA picks a penny up, and all the day he has trenchfoot.

Glebe

"It's great to be able to go to the pub again!"

But the barman has a maggot ridden zombified face.

batwings

Your mother dies in a run of the mill yachting accident.

Local nuisance Micky Buttons smears himself on your sundial.




Shoulders?-Stomach!

Your treasured 'Best Hanging Baskets 2011' framed certificate is used for moving a turd slightly further away.

derek stitt

A miser with a sweet tooth only becomes friends with diabetic widows to get at the sugar in their piss.

Glebe

Greg of Cheshire can't decide whether to go hiking at 4AM in the freezing rain or stay at home and count his Wagon Wheel collection. Again.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: derek stitt on September 26, 2021, 01:34:22 PM
A miser with a sweet tooth only becomes friends with diabetic widows to get at the sugar in their piss.

Very good

pancreas

The free Nestlé calendar you picked up at a breakfast cereal convention has an entry on May 3rd for 'National African Baby Milk Day'.

Glebe

Alan Davies bites Sandy Toksvig's ears off during a live broadcast QI. Yes, both of them.

Chollis

The Left is galvanized by a trip to Penderel's Oak.

batwings

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 26, 2021, 07:36:19 AM
You describe your wife in the wedding speech as a 'flattened oval or worm-like animal'.

Yes!

Custard

You make your first post on the Steve Hoffman forums, and are told a mod must review it first

Glebe

A stingy portion of stale mash is allocated to you on the event of your execution.

touchingcloth

England's "second best-kept little village" calls you a melt.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Jockice on September 27, 2021, 10:06:08 PMand as for me...I was the Bez of Fiel. Only without the dancing or marracca-playing.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Your penpal Marc Dutroux calls your coddle recipe 'hogwash'.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Regional tyrant Brampton picks up the village thalidomide and uses it to twat your earthly belongings to a pulp.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Your mum insists on being called pissmop_1963 after some early internet notoriety.

Custard

Turns out your auntie once got it each end from Des Lynam and Robert Fleck.

Be alright if it was "back in the day", but it was just before Covid

batwings

A letter, postmarked from The Gambia, with just the words "unfuckable Les Dawson stunt double" written on it, successfully finds it way to you.

pancreas