Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[buttgammon]

Priced out of the Dublin excrement market and too enervated to move elsewhere, a housefly throws itself into the Liffey.

[Gregory Torso]

Free gelding in the car park behind Stickney Mons after 6 pm.

Menses hole in field, plunge limb in, get a prize.

Pint of boiled Marmite in The Red-Faced Bastard.

[Gregory Torso]

Barrel of Lynx Madras.

Geoff Coitus shows you round his orphanage for kebab wrappers.

Cheeky drop of hepatitis carousing through the neighbourhood browsing for a mouth to land in. Very professional. Discretion guaranteed.

Ha ha. Disease. With John Stapleton.

[Gregory Torso]

Eamon Holmes gets his hand stuck in the burger trap just as the anus owl arrives.

Steak dinner for one at Stickney Post Office & Holocaust Museum.

Partial bee in nettle wife.

[Gregory Torso]

Your child turns out to be made entirely of tokens for the pay-and-display car park.

Still, bright side, smash him up and you've got free parking for a year.

[Gregory Torso]

Life ebbs away like a sustained piano note motherfucker.

[Glebe]

Nasty knob 'eads mutter meanly around a grim shopping precinct, 1972.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Cucked by my son's Syrian hamster.

[touchingcloth]

https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-58890914

A man who is believed to have had the heaviest kidneys on record has spoken of his determination to get his life back following surgery to remove them.

[Glebe]

A grizzled pervert waits behind an older boiler to catch a glimpse of a passing dog's anus.

[Ferris]

Your nan starts referring to the carehome workers as "all them Sucka MCs".

[Glebe]

Keggy of Casterbridge keeps counting out the pennies, he's holdin' up thele Tesco queue!

[Catalogue of ills]

Your family dwelling attains peak homonculus

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A boomer vagrant sublets his escarpment hovel to a millennial couple.

[Ferris]

Your parakeet leaves you for a Dogecoin millionaire.

[touchingcloth]

You wait for the yoga instructor to say "now get into down dog" so you can use this as your cue for fucking freshly-euthanised Beryl.

[Ferris]

Cup of lukewarm piss on a frosty Christmas morn.

[Glebe]

The government promises a small portion of cheese strings be allotted to those "who gave a little bit of assistance in this time of mild 'crisis".

[touchingcloth]

The government promises a small portion of cheese strings be allotted to those "who gave a little bit of assistance in this time of mild 'crisis".

Whole sachets of Cheese Strings, or strings peeled from the main cylinder?

[Glebe]

Whole sachets of Cheese Strings, or strings peeled from the main cylinder?

Clumps of out-of-date cheese strings that fell out of the packets.

[touchingcloth]

Clumps of out-of-date cheese strings that fell out of the packets.

Can the clumps be pulled into individual strings, or must they be eaten fully-clumped?

[Glebe]

Can the clumps be pulled into individual strings, or must they be eaten fully-clumped?

You can try, but they're fairly clumped!

[batwings]

Friends describe the woman they've set you up with as "Manningesque".

A Deryck Guyler fanatic emerges early from his pupal case; premature yet viable.

Johnny Morris is disappointed to hear he died in 1999.

[dissolute ocelot]

Someone with a black pen has converted all the U's in your Scrabble set into Q's.

[batwings]

Troubling signs #12:  You lose a protracted argument with your mother's face drawn on a boiled egg with magic marker.

Catfished by a flatworm.

[shiftwork2]

A crematorium runs out of gas halfway through doing your dad.  The attendant rakes out fat and bone and squeezes them into the urn.

[jenna appleseed]

Catfished by a flatworm.

Wriggling away in your tagliatelle

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

After you recall your sexual assault from your drip, your mum reminds you there were good people on both sides.

[Glebe]

You wake up with a hangover to Andrew Marr hissing loudly in your face.

[touchingcloth]

You get home from the pub and the only thing on the telly is your dad wanking to Sargon of Akkad.