Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[batwings]

Your children's book wins Literary Review's Bad Sex In Fiction award for 2021.

Serious ramifications follow your mooning of a passing Ayatollah.

[poo]

Hah

[petril]

your hard work is rewarded with a promotion; your employment advisor will now look at your face and sometimes smile as you sign on

[batwings]

With work as a Bill Maynard lookalike drying up, you decide to pour what remains of your redundancy money into developing an unlicensed Lovejoy board game. It's what the kids are into these days!

[Glebe]

With work as a Bill Maynard lookalike drying up, you decide to pour what remains of your redundancy money into developing an unlicensed Lovejoy board game. It's what the kids are into these days!

*applause*

All shitty stuff splatters on your new coat, your new sad anorak coat.

[petril]

by utter coincidence, a new JRPG turns out to be just The Brittas Empire but with furries

[Glebe]

Your glans take on a waxy appearance, and they have indeed turned to wax, and melt when you stand next to a radiator.

[petril]

your goal in this conversation is to get your dull uncle to say "good band name that" as many times as possible

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Ringing Babestation to complain the naked woman isn't wearing a poppy 'or equivalent tattoo'.

[Glebe]

Ringing Babestation to complain the naked woman isn't wearing a poppy 'or equivalent tattoo'.

"You could at least look embarrassed that I caught you, dad!"

"Stand down, soldier! I mean you son, not..." *pulls up trousers*

[touchingcloth]

Ringing Babestation to complain the naked woman isn't wearing a poppy 'or equivalent tattoo'.

The reply comes back "pay more attention to the areolae, wink," and so you do. For forty straight nights, you do.

[Glebe]

Your anus is described as 'greasy' by a parapsychologist.

[Glebe]

Stingy portions of mouldy stew are doled out to nearby sycophants.

[touchingcloth]

You become a late-in-life fluffer.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Uncle Ged 'had it up to here with gypsies' Moore

1953-2006

'He loved sitting here'

[Glebe]

Cold dark and rainy, Happy Anniversary numbnuts!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A Portuguese Man 'o Pause

[Catalogue of ills]

When asked why you're so keen to work for the chemical toilet emptying company you become necessarily evasive.

[batwings]

Carol Malone coughs up a long furry pellet into a waste-paper bin, like some oversized and mean-spirited barn owl.

[Glebe]

Carol Malone coughs up a long furry pellet into a waste-paper bin, like some oversized and mean-spirited barn owl.

Dunno who Carol Malone is but that's exceptional!

[batwings]

thanks! It should be 'Carole', actually. You're best off not knowing.

[touchingcloth]

The first thing you do after hearing of your father's death is to write a message here.

[touchingcloth]

Life imitating deso:

A woman has been found guilty of murder after stabbing her husband to death following a row over a birthday meal.

The killing followed a row over a serving of bubble and squeak with a gourmet meal bought for them by their daughter.

The pair had eaten the meal with their daughter and son-in-law, Isabelle and Tom Potterton, on a Zoom call as the birthday took place in lockdown.

Lock the thread.

[holyzombiejesus]

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Turned down from Costa Barista for being deemed 'Bit transy'

[touchingcloth]

A good day to bury peak deso news:

A County Down singer who appeared on BBC show The Voice has been found guilty of exposing himself in view of a 12-year-old girl.

The jury rejected his claim that he had not been masturbating in his mother's sports car but had been strumming a miniature guitar.

[batwings]

"Honestly My Lord, I was just playing with my banjo string."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

For a sec I thought it was a band called A County Down

[touchingcloth]

"Masturbating in your mother's sports car" somehow sounds like a euphemism, though I'm not sure what it would be for. A more profane version of shitting on your own doorstep, perhaps.

[Glebe]

Foetid nonsense hangs around Burnley and generally causes a stink in the sadder regions.