Author Topic: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes  (Read 15509 times)

PlanktonSideburns

  • putting the 'rimmage' back in pilgrimage
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #30 on: June 06, 2020, 03:15:11 PM »
fuck you baked potato

Berthas Fat Leg

  • Broken Hearts Are For Assholes
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #31 on: June 06, 2020, 03:55:14 PM »
A cankle riddled with bluebottles.

Berthas Fat Leg

  • Broken Hearts Are For Assholes
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #32 on: June 06, 2020, 07:59:23 PM »
Looking through your parents’ old photos, taken in the years before your birth.

They are smiling in all of them.

FerriswheelBueller

  • CaB rear of the year 2020
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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #33 on: June 07, 2020, 12:31:15 PM »
A big-money sequel to Nigel Farage is announced.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #34 on: June 07, 2020, 01:52:49 PM »
Will Gompertz soils himself in protest against some underdone toast.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #35 on: June 07, 2020, 02:29:02 PM »
Pancreas wakes up covered in Desolation threads. Try as he might he can't wash them off. 2 hours of scrubbing with a steel loofah leaves him raw and in agony, yet the desolation threads cling to his skinless torso and anus like starving bot flies gorging on rancid flesh.

"Bring me acid, bring me brine
Bring me vinegar, bring me wine!"

he pleads with his hideous reflection as the Salt Man delivers the weekly supply in fevered anticipation of the forthcoming theatre of pain.

Chollis

  • Master of Codes
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #36 on: June 07, 2020, 03:09:28 PM »
KT Tunstall's new rap album

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

  • Living proof of everything wrong with the world
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #37 on: June 07, 2020, 06:16:12 PM »
You craft an incredibly outrageous and utterly untrue account of an encounter you had with an entitled parent and post it to the subreddit of the same name.

"Lol, these stupid teenagers will believe anything," you say out loud to your empty house, chortling in delight over something that doesn't matter and which nobody your own age cares about.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #38 on: June 07, 2020, 08:34:50 PM »
What is a subreddit? What is a reddit?

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

  • Living proof of everything wrong with the world
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #39 on: June 08, 2020, 12:16:02 AM »
What is a subreddit? What is a reddit?
Now you fully grasp the extent of the desolation.

Pingers

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #40 on: June 08, 2020, 10:36:34 AM »
Goole's ghouls forsake the town's graveyards, stating in a press release that everyone "tastes disgusting"

FerriswheelBueller

  • CaB rear of the year 2020
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  • Take it easy, but take it.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #41 on: June 08, 2020, 05:23:20 PM »
Your family whatsapp thread descends into a passionate multi-pronged defence of Keir Starmer.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #42 on: June 08, 2020, 05:42:44 PM »
Irreparably ruined by overuse of online grot, the only thing Tony can use to get off with now is close-up shots of Michael Elphick during repeats of Boon on UKTV Drama.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

  • Living proof of everything wrong with the world
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #43 on: June 09, 2020, 12:45:04 PM »
Your dog got old so fast.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #44 on: June 09, 2020, 06:46:39 PM »
Pavel's doric clagnut frieze wins an award. An award for shittest ever frieze. At an award ceremony held in Pavel's head. In Rhyl.

the midnight watch baboon

  • Gelled, spiky hair fragrant near my teeth
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #45 on: June 09, 2020, 09:23:13 PM »
Peter Jones invests none of the money for all of your sex drawings.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #46 on: June 09, 2020, 10:32:08 PM »
BlodwynPig is now too desolate for CaB.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #47 on: June 09, 2020, 11:03:28 PM »
Fiona bleaches her arsehole and sets up the Onlyfans because there’s “no fucking way” she’s putting up with an Infinity kitchen. “It’s the Infinity Plus with Milano quartz worktop or nothing, Mike.”

Twit 2

  • No half measures.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #48 on: June 09, 2020, 11:54:42 PM »
A lonely botanist rubs himself with the stamen of a brassica.

Twit 2

  • No half measures.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #49 on: June 09, 2020, 11:55:54 PM »
A newly-arrived owl in a copse has its head kicked in.

Twit 2

  • No half measures.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #50 on: June 09, 2020, 11:58:50 PM »
Patrick Aryee is crucified on a boab tree, on the off chance it’ll bring in viewers.

Pingers

  • Just a twat off the internet
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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #51 on: June 10, 2020, 12:34:36 AM »
What is a subreddit? What is a reddit?

Desolation - Blodwyn Pig has changed his avatar. This is war, you utter bastard

touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #52 on: June 10, 2020, 01:11:57 AM »
You name your son Admin.

Pingers

  • Just a twat off the internet
  • Golden Member
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  • Get on that!
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #53 on: June 10, 2020, 01:37:44 AM »
You name your son Admin.

At age 3, you interview him for the position of continuing to be your son

the midnight watch baboon

  • Gelled, spiky hair fragrant near my teeth
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #54 on: June 10, 2020, 10:48:49 AM »
Your clavicle implores you for a love bite.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #55 on: June 10, 2020, 02:33:46 PM »
Your favourite shape is a dodecagon.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #56 on: June 10, 2020, 03:32:41 PM »
Awakening with a start, Shilton rises from his armchair feeling certain that his moment has come. After all those years spent trying to catch balls, he knows now that this is what he was truly born for. He is going to set the world to rights, and ride once more upon the shoulders of men. Right now, on Twitter.


Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #57 on: June 10, 2020, 03:39:37 PM »
Shilton stirs in his sleep, certain he can hear tanks. His tanks, rolling down the streets to enforce his will. "Not again Peter. God, it's only 4am. Give it a fucking rest." But the pillows whisper instructions into what's left of his ears.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #58 on: June 11, 2020, 12:37:22 AM »
Your canaries are called Twitter and Reddit. They are shit-brown.

Twit 2

  • No half measures.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #59 on: June 15, 2020, 09:47:25 PM »
A cunt dwindles in a bin.

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