Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[pancreas]

The Food Standards Agency taser you to death after your picnic attracts a 1* rating and you refuse to stop eating some mini cheddars which fell into a dog shit.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

There is a problem in Oswestry involving your heels.

[Ferris]

Crushed by a pallet of fray bentos pies.

[poo]

Rocco Siffredi is revealed as the new face of Ginsters.

[Pingers]

Rocco Siffredi is revealed as the new face of Ginsters.

Laughed

[Bence Fekete]

Bob Dylan's deathbed autotunes to Techno.FM

[Glebe]

Jacob Rees-Mogg tapping his foot to a muzak version of Lighthouse Family's 'Lifted' on the drive to work.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The Food Standards Agency taser you to death after your picnic attracts a 1* rating and you refuse to stop eating some mini cheddars which fell into a dog shit.

Very funny

[Glebe]

Nick Owen spots Flog It! presenter Paul Martin and his family on holiday in the Seychelles and starts photobombing all his holiday snaps. Eventually Martin takes Owen aside and explains, "Look Nick, I like you and everything but my family aren't happy with you jumping in every time we take a holiday snap. Just fuck off, okay?"

[Pingers]

Giddy, exciting, whirlwind romance, great sex, a real looker, gets on great with all your friends and family, more great sex,  shares all your kinks, beautiful wedding on nicest day of the year, incredible honeymoon on a tropical island paradise. It's only after all this that you discover your new spouse pronounces vase 'vaise'

[Glebe]

Giddy, exciting, whirlwind romance, great sex, a real looker, gets on great with all your friends and family, more great sex,  shares all your kinks, beautiful wedding on nicest day of the year, incredible honeymoon on a tropical island paradise. It's only after all this that you discover your new spouse pronounces vase 'vaise'

That's just beyond deso. I'm lost for words.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Your marriage proposal 'M A r r y M e' spelled in Pringles on the bed, is excitedly accepted

[pancreas]

Your marriage proposal 'M A r r y M e' spelled in Pringles on the bed, is excitedly accepted

Shouldn't this be in Euphoria?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Trong of Wigan's breath smells of dog shit even on the days he doesnt eat dog shit.

[jenna appleseed]

After brief consideration, you are disinherited by a beagle.

After brief consideration, you are disinherited by Jeremy Beadle.

[jenna appleseed]

Bob Dylan's deathbed autotunes to Techno.FM

Bob Dylan's deathbed groans become an autotuned no 1. played on Techno.FM and other hip & happening radio stations.

[Sebastian Cobb]

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Trong of Wigan balances a turd under his nose and upper lip. 'There', he exclaims. 'Happy now?'

He is.

[petril]

a comedian's opening line to a Wigan audience is "Pies." howling

[Glebe]

A meteor kills your dog Martin.

[petril]

A meteor kills your dog Martin.

hey, a meteor killed your dog, Martin

[Ferris]

a meteor killed your dog Martin?

One for the "unlikely Kilroy episodes" thread (that doesn't exist)

[rilk]

dragging yourself through life like a wet fly on a garden table

[PlanktonSideburns]

A meteor kills your dog Martin.

Hey, do you know your dog, Martin?

Meteor killed him

[PlanktonSideburns]

A meteor kills your dog Martin.

Hey, do you know who's dog, called Martin, was killed by a meteor?

Yours

[PlanktonSideburns]

dragging yourself through life like a wet fly on a garden table

That's absolutely ace

[the midnight watch baboon]

'NAH my name is #DRAGON—FLY/WHAT, my brother, yeah it's all one word,' explains Simon to his fibre broadband provider.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Giddy, exciting, whirlwind romance, great sex, a real looker, gets on great with all your friends and family, more great sex,  shares all your kinks, beautiful wedding on nicest day of the year, incredible honeymoon on a tropical island paradise. It's only after all this that you discover your new spouse's favourite food is "cheesy chips".

[Huxleys Babkins]

Beer52 send you a crate of Volvic with a note inside that just says "Mate".

[Fishfinger]

Saying "Hey now" to an unforeseen driving event on a nondescript Midlands roundabout does not save you from life-changing surgical interventions. Also, you can forget about the ice cream in the boot. The wife's going to be so fucking angry.