Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[dex]

^^ Bound to be a dead hooker or two underneath all that ^^

[PlanktonSideburns]

....and this is the livingroom, - the rent is 500 per -

sorry, stop you there. are the sofas binbags?

[Glebe]

The Wombles murder John Craven.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Holding dad's wake at the Hollywood Bowl.

[Glebe]

Richard Dawkins bursts into your kitchen and smashes your Batman mug; "Grow up!"

[batwings]

Richard Dawkins bursts into your kitchen and smashes your Batman mug; "Grow up!"

Haha.

True fact: Lalla Ward banned Richard Dawkins from coming to Doctor Who conventions with her because he would always bring along a tape measure and head off to the Tardis, spoiling for trouble.

[Pingers]

A frustrated Eddie Stobart spotter wanks on a Norbert Dentressangle trailer in a layby near Snibston.

[Glebe]

Haha.

True fact: Lalla Ward banned Richard Dawkins from coming to Doctor Who conventions with her because he would always bring along a tape measure and head off to the Tardis, spoiling for trouble.

I think we might need a Dawkins Deso thread.

[Ferris]

A frustrated Eddie Stobart spotter wanks on a Norbert Dentressangle trailer in a layby near Snibston.

Ruined my fond memories of the Snibston Discovery Centre.

Edit: which was demolished in 2016, and google maps thinks it is now a bus stop in Coalville if you search for it.

[derek stitt]

Filling your brothers artificial arm with quick set concrete because he can see better things in the wallpaper, from staring at it too long, than you.

Your pickled sick dip is left untouched at the virtuous peadophile  annual roller disco and buffet function

That poor cunt who bought Jimmy Savile's roller as an 'investment' just before the news broke.

All African pop music.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A verger's stipend is downgraded from legal tender to 'access to my cat on Thursdays'.

[Glebe]

Jim Davidson eats a cold takeaway korma and complains about "too much blacks onna telly nowadays".

[Glebe]

Bookies that smells of vomit.

[Pingers]

Your dad starts deriding "chubby lovers" so that he can fat-shame and kink-shame in the same sentence. "There's nothing wrong with efficiency!" chirps the wiry cunt.

[Glebe]

Ian Brown berates a child for having stabilizers on her bike.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

After an arduous quest to provide a shrubbery to a series of demanding knights, they change their house title in order to demand yet another shrubbery.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Bookies that smells of vomit.

I used to work in the bookies. My boss was well protective about giving out the bog key (locked to stop junkies), some half cut pensioner went once and splashed a bit so she wouldn't give it him a second time, pissed himself on the shop floor.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Your backup taint caves in, big time

Big time cave in

[batwings]

A sunlight-eating swami moves into you and your mum's bungalow and just fucking dominates the place.

Jon Gaunt's proctologist's suicide note simply reads: "In the end, only suffering."

Salman Rushdie. 10pm. Babestation.

[derek stitt]

Noncing up kiddies in the village, not out of any sexual attraction to children but, rather for the certainty of how your social pariah status will benefit your need for a lie in of a morning.

[Glebe]

A drunken Lionel Richie tries to chat up a twenty year-old waitress and vomits on the table.

[Glebe]

It's 'Stella Night', you get a six pack from Lidl, prepare a Tesco Ready Meal and drink yourself into a sad stupor.

[petril]

It's 'Stella Night', you get a six pack from Lidl, prepare a Tesco Ready Meal and drink yourself into a sad stupor.

your collection of recordings Phil Cornwell's television work has been ruined by archery equipment, and you are reduced to desperately trying to find anything on the EPG that vaguely looks like it might pass for America's Strongest Man.

you end up on an Impact Wrestling filler/recap show

[pancreas]

You accidentally vomit doing Phil Minton impressions up your lover's arsehole.

[Glebe]

David Icke doing karaoke in Devon.

[Fishfinger]

A vaccine programme advertises for "redshirts".

[batwings]

A broth made from the boiled contents of David Mellor's tumble dryer's fluff filter will be the only refreshment available after a 20 mile forced march across the Brecon Beacons - part of the simulated SAS selection course a deranged farmer's son is forcing you at gunpoint to undergo as punishment for laughing at his mismatched boot laces in a dream he had.

[batwings]

Your 85 year old mother falls down the stairs, breaking several of your model airplanes.

[Cuellar]

A broth made from the boiled contents of David Mellor's tumble dryer's fluff filter will be the only refreshment available after a 20 mile forced march across the Brecon Beacons - part of the simulated SAS selection course a deranged farmer's son is forcing you at gunpoint to undergo as punishment for laughing at his mismatched boot laces in a dream he had.

Still haunted by this one

[touchingcloth]

Still haunted by this one

It's too close for comfort for me. A bit too on the nose.