Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[Glebe]

A right-wing nutjob neighbour asks for a loan of your lawn mower and a moustache trimmer.

[drummersaredeaf]

Laurence Fox demands that Luther be remade with Timothy Dalton in the lead role.

[drummersaredeaf]

Laurence Fox demands Shaft be remade with him in the main role.

[petril]

Laurence Fox demands Roots is remade with Laurence Fox in the main role

[Glebe]

An abandoned Debenhams fills up with rats and stinks like last week's tuna.

[Pingers]

"but without the Empire, the Indians wouldn't have a civil service", mewls Toby.

[drummersaredeaf]

Laurence Fox demands that The Phantom Menace be remade with Laurence Fox as Jar Jar Binks.

[Glebe]

Skegness is the venue for a conference on flu.

[petril]

Laurence Fox demands Morton's put on an elaborate dance number with bread-based costumes, and Laurence Fox as the main roll

[Glebe]

You receive a text informing you that all of your friends have died simultaneously whilst you are walking to Aldi in the freezing rain.

[Glebe]

A man named Aubrey pushes past you in a shop queue and demands his copy of Country Life.

[Pingers]

The Peter Beardsley Honeymoon Suite

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The Sir Peter Beardsley CBE Honeymoon Suite

[petril]

Laurence Fox demands Bob Mortimer give him the role of Peter Beardsley.

Bob Mortimer asks him to reject Jesus first. The music is left running in the background as things get tense

[Cuntbeaks]

Born a bastard, died a cunt.

[Glebe]

Man dressed in a Fred Flintstone suit at a UKIP fundraiser. The fixed smile on the costume's face only makes it more harrowing.

[drummersaredeaf]

Laurence Fox turns up to a fancy dress party as a very convincing if elongated Barney Rubble.

[batwings]

You luck runs out during a dangerwank on a level crossing, warns your horoscope.

After your car breaks down, Mr Noseybonk chases you on horseback down the hard shoulder of the M5 (southbound).

[petril]

Laurence Fox demands you give him a Winston cigarette

[Glebe]

Andrew Marr cries on an egg sandwich.

[batwings]

A fifty year old virgin sleeps off a Rogan Josh on the sofa. Weather With You by Crowded House plays on an Alexa. Out on the patio, his golden retriever chokes on a scrabble tile.

A man obsessed with walking the Severn Tunnel won't leave you alone in Asda.

A chance encounter with your rapist at the North Pole sours your expedition.

[batwings]

The only thing your mum leaves you in her will is a well-thumbed human/rabbit Kama Sutra.

[petril]

A fifty year old virgin sleeps off a Rogan Josh on the sofa. Weather With You by Crowded House plays on an Alexa. Out on the patio, his golden retriever chokes on a scrabble tile.

the next day, he eagerly asks the kids at the office if they're into those Josh Rogan comedy films

[Bence Fekete]

The only family member who turns up at your intervention is uncle diamorphine.

[dex]

Watching your brother having a carnal moment with a table in a scabby takeaway after his wife has left him. The ejaculate is left to fester.

[Pingers]

You are fired from your job as local authority registrar after refusing to let a child be named Napalm Jeff.

[petril]

he hadn't pissed, he'd shat

[pancreas]

You are fired from your job as local authority registrar after refusing to let a child be named Napalm Jeff.

good

[poo]

The next pandemic is HALFORDS-17

[Pingers]

Graham is caught having a shit in a corner of the TARDIS. "How are you meant to find the lavs in this place anyway?" he mumbles.