Author Topic: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes  (Read 86628 times)

Twit 2

  • Unutterable anguish
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2010 on: August 22, 2021, 11:35:13 PM »
The course of your life takes an ill turn, owning to some flaccid callipers.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2011 on: August 23, 2021, 10:51:08 AM »
After a two hour long personality test the careers path software recommends you become a Slopwretch.

shagatha crustie

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2012 on: August 23, 2021, 03:20:16 PM »
You find a disturbing 'Easter egg' in the 'pregnancy' segment of an online workplace DSE training course.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2013 on: August 23, 2021, 07:01:02 PM »
Quote
Just made a guy shag a tin of cold beans. It’s good to be back.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2014 on: August 23, 2021, 08:09:47 PM »
A grim cloud passes over you during a depression spell.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2015 on: August 24, 2021, 04:24:41 PM »
The local parish newsletter reviews your son's school nativity play as 'Muppet Babies for cunts'.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2016 on: August 24, 2021, 04:26:42 PM »
Your wife comes home from hospital with a long rubbery baby called Bungle The Perv.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2017 on: August 24, 2021, 04:27:43 PM »
Bath Time Elvis blocks all your plug holes with greasy rhinestones.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2018 on: August 24, 2021, 04:41:04 PM »
Sitting in a bath of beans raising money to raise money for Help the Heroes and your wife throws in a toaster on an extension lead.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2019 on: August 24, 2021, 08:45:34 PM »
Turpin Gangle of Grimsby completes his Wotsit bag collection.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2020 on: August 24, 2021, 09:12:49 PM »
Sitting in a bath of beans raising money to raise money for Help the Heroes and your wife throws in a toaster on an extension lead.

... It's a genuine attempt to cook the beans

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2021 on: August 25, 2021, 07:12:54 AM »
"Has anyone fuck been ter the moon", your father opines from a zero-g commode capsule on Mimas.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2022 on: August 25, 2021, 12:59:19 PM »
A court grants conservatorship over you to a stranger called 'Dobson The Belter'.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2023 on: August 25, 2021, 01:02:36 PM »
A letter in Wednesday’s post informs you that you are now banned from Wagamamas (reason not given).

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2024 on: August 25, 2021, 01:27:33 PM »
You are forced to issue a product recall on your faeces.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2025 on: August 25, 2021, 04:35:54 PM »
Your arse seems you unsuitable for ownership.

Cuellar

  • I'm over here
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2026 on: August 26, 2021, 02:08:13 PM »
Forced to become a 'gland ambassador' for an intimidating man in your local Aldi

buttgammon

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2027 on: August 26, 2021, 02:58:24 PM »
Someone injects botulism into your Rustler's burger and you don't care because it improves the taste.

jenna appleseed

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2028 on: August 26, 2021, 11:47:40 PM »
The local parish newsletter reviews your son's school nativity play as 'Muppet Babies for cunts'.

and gets a straight to video x-rated 'parody' as Muppet cunts for babies.

batwings

  • Timewaster seeks same. No timewasters please.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2029 on: August 27, 2021, 09:00:34 AM »
Using one of your Simon Bates scrapbooks to fix a wobble on the nightstand next to your deathbed.

touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2030 on: August 27, 2021, 02:08:18 PM »
During the ultrasound, your unborn child - it’s the size of a grapefruit - calls you a horrific Boglin and asks for an abortion.

During your next ultrasound, your unborn twins - cantaloupe-sized - are furiously belting each other up the arse.

seepage

  • Undetectable in normal everyday use
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2031 on: August 28, 2021, 07:56:03 AM »
Your girlfriend arrives for dinner just as you discover the tin of baked beans that was going to form a key element of the meal has got those funny little sausages in.

Chicory

  • With a little bit of bloomin' luck
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2032 on: August 29, 2021, 06:40:44 PM »
The 26th of March.

Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2033 on: August 30, 2021, 08:38:33 PM »
Grandma notices her shy grandson hasn't deposited the cheque she sent last month for his birthday. After a quick phone call and some words of encouragement he promises to do it the next day.




Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2034 on: August 31, 2021, 01:26:41 PM »
You are convinced your stalled career, lack of success with women and groinal acne is due to the Kerryman.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2035 on: September 02, 2021, 09:55:15 PM »
You are compelled by dint of execution to Alan Smithee your directorial debut porno.

madhair60

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2036 on: September 03, 2021, 08:48:29 AM »
Opening the app to track your cab only to see the little taxi icon speeding away from your position

PlanktonSideburns

  • Get on the fet STAT
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2037 on: September 03, 2021, 09:10:25 AM »
An 11 year old named Simply Clegg, born and christened in the hopeful early days of the coalition government, is finally euthanized.

PlanktonSideburns

  • Get on the fet STAT
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2038 on: September 03, 2021, 09:14:53 AM »
You are denied entry to a persons only jumble sale.

Best one in ages

touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2039 on: September 04, 2021, 02:14:34 AM »
A third go on the village defibrillator fails to bung your heart back to life.

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