Author Topic: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes  (Read 86609 times)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2040 on: September 04, 2021, 08:32:55 AM »
Reminiscing about your glory days as a council leaf blower amidst a beetle colony in Dedham Vale.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2041 on: September 05, 2021, 10:45:44 AM »
Noddy gets tasered in Rothbury.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2042 on: September 06, 2021, 11:01:19 PM »
You dance teacher says your hips are belsen

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2043 on: September 06, 2021, 11:10:45 PM »
During the ultrasound, your unborn child - it’s the size of a grapefruit - calls you a horrific Boglin and asks for an abortion.

During your next ultrasound, your unborn twins - cantaloupe-sized - are furiously belting each other up the arse.

We laughed loudly

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2044 on: September 07, 2021, 12:19:35 AM »
Gal Gadot rams a badger twixt two hedgerows.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2045 on: September 07, 2021, 06:49:03 PM »
You are convinced that you are a bad chef because 'the ingredients all hate me'.

Glebe

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2046 on: September 07, 2021, 10:32:16 PM »
Hale & Pace return with a series, theme tune by Coldplay.

dex

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2047 on: September 08, 2021, 12:56:12 PM »
Hale & Pace return with a series, theme tune by Coldplay.

Ouch! Sad piano. Peak deso.


touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2048 on: September 08, 2021, 10:07:55 PM »
Your card in the phone booth advertises “all the trimmings” with your handjobs.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2049 on: September 09, 2021, 12:23:29 PM »

Twit 2

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2050 on: September 09, 2021, 01:44:04 PM »
You live in a phone box to prevent your kids growing up wrong.

Cuellar

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2051 on: September 09, 2021, 01:46:28 PM »
While jacking off you make your family some scrambled eggs

Twit 2

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2052 on: September 09, 2021, 01:47:05 PM »
Your separated-at-birth, conjoined twin makes sex faces at you through a vent.

Twit 2

  • Unutterable anguish
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2053 on: September 09, 2021, 01:49:06 PM »
A paedophile in a Bisto t-shirt turns your children into granules.

touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2054 on: September 09, 2021, 06:09:39 PM »
The scrambled eggs you serve your young family are actually jizz curds. Again.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2055 on: September 09, 2021, 10:03:14 PM »
You are such a hideous child yet mutantly desirous of cock. You have to pay paedophiles to go anywhere near you. 11 no-shows and the next 4 turn around and leave on arrival.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2056 on: September 10, 2021, 01:44:42 PM »
Boddarth of Glossop has the infamous 'wankers cramp' despite being a limbless birth defect.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2057 on: September 10, 2021, 01:46:19 PM »
You believe 'wankers crap' is a thing and say to your friends in the café that 'it's like that crap you do when you're wanking' to disbelief and long stares.

batwings

  • Timewaster seeks same. No timewasters please.
Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2058 on: September 10, 2021, 02:59:24 PM »
Your wife organises a seance to contact whatever it was she once saw in you.

New opportunities arise at work. A lie comes back to bite you. You end the week shagging a vagina made from a hollowed out tin of corned beef.
- Capricorn

touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2059 on: September 10, 2021, 07:35:01 PM »
You receive a court order after “barraging” Jamie Oliver with emails claiming to have cooked all of his 30 minute meals in 29 minutes.

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2060 on: September 12, 2021, 03:43:22 PM »
you sort through shoeboxes full of your old audio cassettes and realize the only things worth salvaging are four Chick Tracts you find stuck between an old Friday Night Rock Show recording and a NWOBHM mixtape.


the midnight watch baboon

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2061 on: September 12, 2021, 04:59:58 PM »
Molly's humanity is "horribly effective" like "radiotherapy" or "John Terry" according to her tarot.

Twit 2

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2062 on: September 12, 2021, 11:20:15 PM »
You find that your dad was a heavy metal porn star in “Enter Cuntman”.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2063 on: September 13, 2021, 07:39:21 AM »
Your attempt to seize control of a Trossach ends in a phone box puddle in Basingstoke.

Shameless Custard

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2064 on: September 13, 2021, 11:21:55 AM »
Bobby Davro leaves the GMTV studios drunker than when he arrived

It's 8.07

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2065 on: September 13, 2021, 05:44:28 PM »
A turbid Boglin ragequits fatherhood

pancreas

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2066 on: September 13, 2021, 07:06:03 PM »
You make a loss selling bottles of your fermented spunk at CumCon.

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2067 on: September 16, 2021, 10:18:35 AM »

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2068 on: September 16, 2021, 01:26:36 PM »
A tree falls on Alain de Botton in the woods, but you wisely elect not to hear it.

touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes
« Reply #2069 on: September 16, 2021, 02:03:11 PM »
The most responded-to piece in the Daily Mail this year is your letter about how "you can't say 'Chinese whispers' any more in case it offends Bob Harris".

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