Old Doctor Who - Part 4

[pigamus]

Is there a syndrome you can get as an artist where you can draw a head and you can draw a body but you can't make the two things match for love nor money?

[purlieu]

I just realised I forgot to mention, Death and Diplomacy canonised the Alien franchise in the Whoniverse, with a Xenomorph playing cards.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Well phrased, pigamus! Yeah, when I first saw the cover of Happy Endings in miniature I thought 'nice nostalgic idea - hail, hail, the gang's all here'. Then I saw it larger, and more detailed.

Dear oh dear oh dear.

[mjwilson]

Still above average when compared with the NA covers.

[Replies From View]

They also released the cover artwork as a poster :



I like how the Doctor's on there twice - not sure if it's a time travel gag and there's two of him (one seemingly played by Roy Hudd!), or he's just bombed round the back - like sometimes happened with those long school photos where the camera had to pan across.

Normally when they had a lone Silurian or Ice Warrior standing around for a celebration it was because they'd raided the old Doctor Who costume cupboard and just used whatever wasn't too mouldy or bashed up.

I find it quite odd that they took the same approach even for a painting.  In a good way though.

[Replies From View]

Is there a syndrome you can get as an artist where you can draw a head and you can draw a body but you can't make the two things match for love nor money?

It is as if they.... ahem, excuse me while I reposition my body and waggle my head smugly as I deliver this banger of a joke:  ARE SHIT AT TARGET COVERS WITH THE, WITH THE... THEY "MISS THE TARGET" LIKE A FIRING RANGE TARGET LIKE WHEN YOU'RE A KID AND YOU TRY ARCHERY OR WHATEVER


SO LIKE THEY CAN'T GET THE HEADS AND BODIES TO LINE UP SO THE TARGET IS... THE TARGET IS MISSED AND THE PUBLICATION COMPANY IS CALLED VIRGIN SO IT WORKS

[purlieu]

Doctor Who and the Pyramids of Mars GodEngine by Craig Hinton

Having already read his PDA The Quantum Archangel, nothing really feels like excessive fanwank in comparison. Nevertheless, GodEngine is heavily tied to The Dalek Invasion of Earth, The Seeds of Death, Pyramids of Mars and Transit, and Hinton throws in references to a few other stories for good measure. What's odd is that, now having reached a point where the NAs are largely very good and have a recognisable feel of their own, this book feels like a Hartnell story. The Doctor and Roz start the book split off from Chris: the first meet some humans and Ice Warriors Martians and spend most of the book travelling through tunnels under the planet; Chris and a couple of scientists escape from Charon, Pluto's moon about to be attacked by Daleks, and end up being captured by more Ice Warriors, where brainwashing and a daring escape plan happen. It's so trad that it makes Mark Gatiss's books seem revolutionary. And while there are loads of intriguing ideas, often reasonably well realised - a peaceful, religious Ice Warrior sect; ethical quandaries about whether humans or Ice Warriors are worse; one character finding peace after his family were killed - the overriding feeling is that of a Hartnell-era seven-parter: the book really fucking drags. Which is partially the pace - the Doctor and crew walking through tunnels for days is hardly stimulating stuff - and partially Hinton's utterly turgid prose. Roz wishes Benny was with them, as she's an expert on Martian history. Great. And then she wishes it again. And again. And again. Throughout the book. The Transit tunnel helping the scientists escape Charon is going to a mystery (read: obvious) place. But where? Where were they going? They had no idea where they would end up! Ad nauseam. This kind of repetition is used in numerous scenarios. And when it's not, there's paragraph after paragraph of technobabble. Not a brief explanation to add in-universe colour, but long exposition built around words that don't even exist. It's the first NA I've read that feels like it could have made a really good Target.
The Doctor and Roz are fine, the latter gradually overcoming her xenophobia. Chris is given a lot to do here and proves himself as an Adjudicator rather than just a childlike man, for the first time, even if he does spend the first half of the book thinking about how attractive one of the scientists is.
Overall: good ideas, astonishingly badly executed.

edit: oh yes, Daleks! For the first time in the NAs. Except, obviously, no actual Daleks - they're almost always called "invaders" - because Virgin couldn't get the license from the Terry Nation estate. So they're barely present.

Next time on Doctor Who... the start of the weird titles era.

[purlieu]

Doctor Who and the Injuns Christmas on a Rational Planet by Lawrence Miles

And it was all going so well.
I don't really know how to describe that. There's some stuff about the Time Lords banishing irrationality from the universe, 18th century New York succumbs to complete madness, Chris goes around the TARDIS with the embodiment of cacophony... It fits in with novels like Managra and Falls the Shadow in terms of going all-out on the surrealist front, only it does absolutely nothing with it. After a briefly interesting first few pages - starting with the Doctor wanting to tie up some loose ends from the end of SLEEPY - it's just page after page after page of 'weird stuff happened' until it becomes literary sludge. Almost none of it matters, there are entire chapters that could be pretty much skipped over other than the odd paragraph with no impact on understanding the story. It's possible that it's intentionally meta, reflecting the battle between reason and chaos, showing just how horrible uncontrolled imagination with no rules or rationality can be, but a) I'm not convinced that's true, and b) horrible is horrible, regardless. There are a lot of very funny lines throughout the book, but they jar with the grimdark nature of the rest of it. And there's some very dodgy gender politics running throughout, of the "men and women are naturally programmed to do this and that" variety which doesn't do it any favours at all. There are some references to Time Lord history which I'm sure will be important in these final NAs, and a sneaky look at Seven's death (still forthcoming in the literary world). I'd do a character-by-character rundown, but they're largely non-entities, especially the guests who might as well not be given names for how little depth they have.
It's been a run of largely excellent books for a while now, with a couple of ok but flawed ones in there, but this has killed that momentum stone dead.

edit: The cover, bafflingly, doesn't reference anything that happens in the book at all.

Next time on Doctor Who... let's hope Kate Orman can kickstart things once more.

[Ron Maels Moustache]

Despite having enjoyed some of Loz's later books I remember this one being a huge letdown and barely made any impression at all. I think he himself described it as being a case of that typical first time author mistake where you try to cram as many things you always wanted to write about into one book just in case you never get to do another one.

Incidentally, that cover was a replacement for the original which was deemed too terrible even for a Virgin NA, astonishingly.



I think they've had worse than that. Left-Handed Hummingbird for instance.

[Replies From View]

What's so bad about that?  At least McCoy's face is supposed to be distorted.

[purlieu]

So they decided to replace it with one that's got nothing to do with the story. Strange people. That would certainly make sense about the book, though. Most of the "what the fuck was that?" novels seem to be by first timers.

Just started the next book and, excitingly, this is the one where The Doctor first wears the movie outfit!!!!!!
Also, Benny's back already.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Of course. someone at Virgin still thought this was sound enough that they commissioned Lawrence. And yes, he did go on to write some of the best Doctor Who stories ever, but this certainly wasn't one of them. I do wonder if Virgin looked at the manuscript and thought 'yeah, that's good and weird, let's 'ave it' - perhaps seeing another Paul Cornell, since his first novel for the range was so weird, especially compared to the conventional narratives of the previous three books. But Revelation had, as it were, already been written for that Davison fan fiction. All that Paul had to do was re-cast and re-jig a little bit, and his later annoying self-indulgence was hardly present at all in that book. Also, the Timewyrm at least gave a recurring adversary with a genuine arc. 'Psi Powers' was so vague that it was never going to grab anyone as an ongoing narrative force. And Revelation is a lean, stripped-down little hot rod of a book - one of the shortest in the whole Virgin range. Christmas sprawls. And sprawls without any real sense of where it's going and what it's doing.

[crankshaft]

Lawrence submitted this on spec. It landed in the slush pile. Gareth Roberts was making some extra cash by reading and reporting on NA submissions for Virgin, and read Lawrence's submission. He loved it. Sadly, he put it back in the slush pile by mistake rather than in the "show this to Rebecca Levene" pile. It lay there for a year until it cycled back to the top. At which point Gareth read it again and, mortified, immediately hurried it over to Rebecca, who commissioned it.

[purlieu]

Christmas sprawls. And sprawls without any real sense of where it's going and what it's doing.

Yes, that sums it up in a sentence far better than I managed in a paragraph.

[purlieu]

Doctor Who and the Invasion of the Aliens Return of the Living Dad by Kate Orman

Another cover that depicts something not in the book. Jolly good.
Thankfully that was a return to form for the series. The first half of the book is a gentle, heartfelt story about Benny finally finding her dad, who went missing when she was a very young child. He's in... 20th century Earth, of course. Where else? There's a brief aside about a C19 operative torturing and killing aliens, but it's mostly about Benny, her dad and the Doctor, and it's lovely. The second half takes a slightly predictable twist with her dad having a scheme involving nuclear missiles, only he's actually just misguided rather than evil, and the bigger threat is another alien, only he's under orders from the Daleks, only they're under orders from... someone? It's not revealed. The gradual reveal of this plot is handled really well and feels very much like the kind of storyline you'd get in a '70s serial. Meanwhile, Chris and Roz get together. That's not going to end well. There's even an Auton in the form of a spatula called Graeme.
It pre-empts the RTD era by introducing a group of nerds writing zines about UFOs and such, including blurry photographs of the TARDIS, known knowledge about the Doctor, speculating whether he might one day regenerate as a woman and such. It's also the closest the NAs have come, so far, to a story set on contemporary Earth (1983, in this case). There have been occasional chapters, but this is the first time an entire book has been contained in such a familiar environment (even if it is a village populated by stranded aliens). The return of Benny for this story is another thing that feels closer to the 21st century series than the classic era, like Martha popping up in series 4.
There are a few continuity things - the Dalek Invasion of Earth rears its head again (I think it's been referenced in the NAs more often than any other story), and there are a couple of UNIT dating gags. The Doctor is weary, and even without knowing there are only a handful of NAs left, I'd be able to guess a regeneration isn't far away. This feels like his season 18. He retains his humour, though.
It's a very warm, very funny story with some strong character stuff and a nicely escalating threat. In other words, the polar opposite of the last book. The Psi Powers arc is barely present, which is fine as I'm sure it'll all come together in good time when it needs to.

Next time on Doctor Who... oh good, another first timer.

[pigamus]

That pun is making my teeth itch.

[purlieu]

It feels like a chapter title rather than a book title. The titles in these later ones do get a bit odd, though.

[crankshaft]

That pun is making my teeth itch.

It was almost "Big Trouble In Little Chalfont". I think that would have been a better title.

[purlieu]

Doctor Who and the Cuddly Lizards The Death of Art

Nnnnggggg.
Tedious. Eye-achingly, brain-numbingly tedious. After a promising prologue (or "Chapter 0") with Charles Dickens being stalked by anthropromorphic dolls, Ace alerting the Doctor to a time vortex rift in 19th century Paris, and a large killer lizard in that city's drains, the book slows to an absolute crawl. Page after page of non-descript, morose Frenchmen moping about Paris, thinking about shady collectives like the Brotherhood and the real Brotherhood and the Directory and the Shadow Directory and the Family and the Fingermen without disclosing who they are. None are given a distinct voice - everyone in the book has the same speech and thought patterns - and most of them hide their identity with name changes and body changes, meaning it's difficult to know - or care about - who's actually involved. It doesn't help that the focus continually shifts to Chris Cwej, who'll be noticing the paint in a room for a couple of paragraphs, then to a French policeman for a page, then to Montague for a few more paragraphs, then to Emil, then back to Chris, then to Veber, then Roz, then Mirakle, rarely for more than a page or two, rarely revealing anything and yet always ending a perspective on a minor cliffhanger. The attempt to provide ongoing tension fails, resulting in literary sludge. And just when it seems to be picking up speed, if shifts to some ten-dimensional aliens called Quoths, referring to concepts like The Shadow and The Blight in time-frames like "a billion life-patterns". Even for a first-timer, this is fucking horrible stuff. Even my Kindle app felt the same: at one point I read for about an hour and the estimated time remaining moved forward about five minutes.
The link between the Quoth and Paris plots is genuinely inspired, but literally the only redeeming aspect of the book.
As I enter the last lap of the NAs, after a run of books including Human Nature, The Also People, Just War and Happy Endings, I really can't be doing with this shite.

Next time on Doctor Who... Russell T. Davies.

[purlieu]

Doctor Who and the Worm-Men Damaged Goods by Russell T. Davies

The only thing I knew about this book before reading is that it's considered quite a controversial novel and one of the most 'adult' themed in the series. And now I see why. It's recognisably RTD, but largely the RTD of Queer as Folk, Years & Years and Children of Earth. Damaged Goods is about drug addiction, miscarriages, people selling babies, homophobia as repression of homosexuality, suicide, teenage prostitution, and mostly about loneliness. It's a heavy going, bleak book. And it's really, really good. It manages to cover these topics in a completely believable manner, never feeling exploitative, unlike so many other grimdark NAs. It's a book about a number of people who've suffered horrible tragedies in their lives. Every character feels real and utterly human. The Doctor, Chris and Roz are mostly sidelined, but necessarily so: to explain everything happening, the guest characters need all the space to explain their actions and feelings. It has a body count higher than your average Jim Mortimer novel, with a very long section describing the deaths of just some of the 11,000 victims of the N-Form, and goes to great lengths to describe the wide-spread destruction of the northern city in which it's set.
There are hints of RTD's TV Who in there - it's set on a council estate and centred around a family called Tyler, and there's a big rampaging cyborg at the climax, but in every other way it's probably the most adult story I've read in this entire run. Even Chris's shag-of-the-week turns out to be him giving sleeping with another guy a go. It's a real shame he wasn't able to put the wonderful character work in this book into play on screen, instead opting for the kind of over the top shite the end of Doomsday was laden with.
The psi powers story actually feels like it's beginning to get some traction here, with some references to the past and this directly leading into the next - and final - book in the arc.

Next time on Doctor Who... a reason to be glad I'm reading these now rather than as they came out.

[Replies From View]

That pun is making my teeth itch.

It's worth specifying when a dad is living, I think.  You'd never know otherwise.

[Malcy]

Is Damaged Goods the one that has The Tall Man from Phantasm in it?

[purlieu]

It's got a chap that a girl thinks of as The Tall Man, but his name is actually Thomas.

[purlieu]

Doctor Who and the Invasion of the Forresters So Vile a Sin by Ban Aaronovitch and Kate Orman

What a book to get delayed. It's no surprise that it would be this one, even without the hard drive crash it would have been a beast to get done, running considerably longer than any Who book before it (and, to the best of my knowledge, since) and tying up lots of plot strands. But still, I can't imagine having to wait a few months for what is effectively the book equivalent of one of the two-part series finales of the new version of the show. It'd be like skipping from Utopia to Partners in Crime with a handwave of "it's ok, Last of the Time Lords will be along midway through series four". Must have been really tedious.
Doubly so as it's the book where Roz dies. One could probably wait a few months for the psi powers arc to be tied up, but going from Roz being alive and well to the aftermath of her death (however it's handled in the next book) must have been really frustrating. As far as it goes, her death was handled really well, in a very surprising way. In that we don't see her die. She's simply one casualty of many in a military raid. It's treated with a fair bit of weight - the prologue is her funeral, the epilogue is hearing about the Doctor suffering a heart attack at the end of her funeral, and Benny finding out, and Chris not knowing how to cope. The Doctor almost gives up. It's very Twice Upon a Time, I suppose.
I can only only scratch the surface the main bulk of the book because there's so much going on. It really is like one of those RTD finales with tons of stuff happening on every page. It ties up Earth Empire plot strands from Original Sin (and, indeed, many early NAs) as well as resolving the psi powers arc reasonably well, although the climax is definitely overshadowed by Roz's death. There's everything from ancient Time Lord bowship-transporting TARDISes to civil war, and elements of all the previous psi powers novels are brought together neatly. There are multiple Doctors from various possible realities, including a lovely scene with an aged Third Doctor from a timeline where he settled on Earth and helped bring about interstellar peace in the process. There's even an emotional Ogron storyline. And an AI turns up as someone who is quite clearly Captain Redbeard Rum.
Anyway, quite a heavy going book, but a very satisfying one. Aaronovitch and Orman are fast becoming cornerstones of the series.

Next time on Doctor Who... another first time author. Great.

[Ron Maels Moustache]

Oh it's Matt Jones' novel next, I think I read that one at the time. All I mainly remember about it is being bemused about the vague explanation regarding what had happened to Roz (as Jones presumably had no idea due to the previous book being unfinished at time of writing the follow-up)

He was known for being a columnist in DWM and later wrote the script for what became The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit, although I think it ended up being rewritten so extensively that the "written by" credit is possibly an exaggeration

I think SVAS ended up being one of the most obscure NAs because the delay getting it out meant it arrived right at the end of Virgin's licence, and subsequently vanished off the shelves almost immediately.

[Bad Ambassador]

I have never seen a physical copy of SVAS.

[Alberon]

There's one on ebay now for a tenner.

I've got a copy, but I'd never sell it.

It's Lungbarrow that seems to be the really rare one. I'd not sell my copy of it even though it seems to be on sale for a couple of hundred quid.

[purlieu]

I have one of those fan reprints of Lungbarrow, grabbed it off eBay before I realised that there were pirate ebooks to make it all easier.
I'm still surprised that Virgin losing the license meant they lost the rights to reprint their own novels.


Doctor Who and the Faceless Ones Bad Therapy by Matthew Jones

After the psi powers arc, which I think it would be fair to describe as the most New Adventuresy run of New Adventures to date, a traditional Who story like this was a really welcome breather. And it's not trad just because it's small scale enough to imagine being filmed: the main story really feels like it was adapted from an unused Philip Hinchcliffe era story. 1958, Soho, and people are being ritually murdered, with none of the victims having any family or past. Other people are disappearing, being stalked and devoured by an evil black cab. Meanwhile, in a mental hospital, blank faced creatures are being manufactured as therapeutic aids. And it's all connected with a pair of ancient rulers on a distant planet.
It's a really nice creepy, atmospheric tale with enough twists and turns to keep the interest up. There are some stylistic links with the NA era, with both Chris and the Doctor struggling to deal with Roz's death, the unexpected return of Peri, who's given a much better send-off than she was on TV, and some exploration of the racism and homophobia of 1950s Britain. I'm not sure the Notting Hill riots being attributed to the events of the book is the most sympathetic way to write it, but it's... brave?
There's some emotional stuff in the second half which is quite nice and sees the main pair on better footing than they were at the start of the book. And Chris gets a shag, again.
All in all, rather nice.

[Bad Ambassador]

I can't believe that you've only got four left, and also that you then get to endure the early Eighth Doctor novels and their uber-trad plots.

[crankshaft]

I can't believe that you've only got four left, and also that you then get to endure the early Eighth Doctor novels and their uber-trad plots.

Nah, do the rest of the NAs with Benny first and then slip into the bore-a-thon that is the EDAs first year.