"How come they never do this, surely they would do this" Anti-cliches (?)

[Clownbaby]

I love the "film cliches you wish would fuck off" thread. Anyone got things you're surprised/annoyed you don't see more often in certain film genres? Probably a lot of replies including my OP will get debunked in thread as actually being in a few films but that's a good thing cause if you're sick of something that seems really obvious to you seemingly never/too rarely happening in films and then you find a film where it does happen, s a t i s f y i n g l y , great. It could turn into a recommendation thread for things you want to see in films but haven't come across yet. Or want to find more of.

Zombie one. I've obviously seen zombie films where people wear protective gear but they're usually military/thug/tough/villain characters, from what I've seen. The bulk of characters in ensemble zombie things like Walking Dead, or movies where there's a lot of ordinary civilian people in the mix of survivors, are usually seen wearing soft vests and jeans or shorts or casual clothes. Not a lot of makeshift sewn-in rubber or coverings on the body. If you're of mediocre strength, have very little combat experience, just an ordinary person, you'd probably get in a pickle very quickly and a crushed bent  mesh of Heinz ravioli tins moulded round your shoulder or your arse or a motorcycle helmet/makeshift helmet might break a zombie's teeth and give you a second chance to get away. No way would I vulnerably go around on my own, average person that I am, in a little vest and some shorts. I'd try and get some scrap metal across my chest, seek out thick tough materials to cover my arms and legs and neck with, if it's a bit hot under there, fair enough. Better than being bitten.

More of the community of survivors thinking up odd little ways to protect themselves when going on a scavenging run would be great. "No going outside until you put your special suit on you know the rules". They did this a bit at the start of Walking Dead with the smearing of dead organs onto themselves to navigate through a horde but then they just fucked it off very quickly which was a shame because there was still a sense of danger. The zombies started noticing them when the rain was washing the organs off, so having zero survival tricks other than running constantly and relying on bullets was never the only option to create tension. I love seeing horror films/serieses where the characters are actually resourceful and clever and try their absolute best to outwit the enemy, whatever that is.  It makes it more disturbing when they still fail to protect themselves, and that amplifies the threat of the enemy.

Also not an unseen thing but a not-too-common one. Horror/disturbing films that are very brightly lit instead of being very darkly lit. The few films I've seen that were incredibly brightly lit for the most part have been unsettling in a beautifully abrupt way. Something about not being able to deny whatever horror you're seeing. No dark obscuring it, just pure naked terror in front of you. I know a lot of horror has obviously nailed amazing scary unsettling darkness but it can also be a heavily abused trick for when the director knows they can never make the thing scary enough on its own. If an enemy in a film scares you in bright sunshine in clear view, you know it's bloody good.

By all means span the genres. It doesn't have to be just horror. I just have a lot of petty whinges about horror myself. 

[notjosh]

I don't get why no one ever really questions the mad power fantasies of a super villain.

"So you'll rule the world. Then what? What are you actually going to do all day? Be President of the World? Sounds like a fucking nightmare. You've already got a nice big house on the ocean floor. Loads of butlers. A lovely sexy girlfriend. Why don't you just chill out for a bit? Have you even seen Breaking Bad?"

I think Rey could have have used this argument on Kylo Ren in The Last Jedi and avoided the events of the last film. What's Snoke offering? The endless monotony of life on a Star Destroyer. Everything's shiny and clinical, there are no cushions or soft furnishings anywhere. You sleep lying on your back on a slab. No sign of a rec room, or even a pool table. The food is probably just blue milk and pills.

Meanwhile, hook up with Rey and he could be having amazing weeks-long force-sex in a treehouse on Endor, like some kind of space Sting, with little teddybears worshipping them like gods and bringing them fruits from the forest. At the weekend they take their speeder bikes out to the lake. Every once in a while his dad and his mad mate drop in to snort a load of smuggled spice with them. You'd feel like you were king of the fucking universe anyway.

[dissolute ocelot]

I want more heist movies that go exactly as planned. The idea that you need a twist where they get ripped off is a hangover from the Hays Code when films couldn't show that crime pays.

[Small Man Big Horse]

It doesn't apply to every horror movie, but way too often I find myself screaming "Just call the fucking police, you acted in self defence, you fucking idiot".

[bgmnts]

Zombie one. I've obviously seen zombie films where people wear protective gear but they're usually military/thug/tough/villain characters, from what I've seen. The bulk of characters in ensemble zombie things like Walking Dead, or movies where there's a lot of ordinary civilian people in the mix of survivors, are usually seen wearing soft vests and jeans or shorts or casual clothes. Not a lot of makeshift sewn-in rubber or coverings on the body. If you're of mediocre strength, have very little combat experience, just an ordinary person, you'd probably get in a pickle very quickly and a crushed bent  mesh of Heinz ravioli tins moulded round your shoulder or your arse or a motorcycle helmet/makeshift helmet might break a zombie's teeth and give you a second chance to get away. No way would I vulnerably go around on my own, average person that I am, in a little vest and some shorts. I'd try and get some scrap metal across my chest, seek out thick tough materials to cover my arms and legs and neck with, if it's a bit hot under there, fair enough. Better than being bitten.

Conversely, if you're of mediocre strength and not trained, it would take a long time to become accustomed to lugging around the extra weight, and its also very immobile. The greatest advantage one has over a zombie is speed. Just dont let them get close.

[Blumf]

It doesn't apply to every horror movie, but way too often I find myself screaming "Just call the fucking police, you acted in self defence, you fucking idiot".

Do any modern horror films make good use of mobile phones? Or is it all 'no signal' cop-outs?

[beanheadmcginty]

When someone makes someone dig their own grave in a film I always think if I was in that situation I'd say fuck you, dig the grave yourself you lazy murdering cunt. Although maybe people do tend to comply because at least they're still alive while digging.

[Mr Banlon]

Hero with a bullet wound goes to a backstreet/struck-off doctor/vet to get the bullet removed. The 'doc' nicks an artery during the removal and the hero bleeds-out, or the patient gets an infection and dies.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Slasher movies and the like always have the baddie get knocked out at some point. If the heroes were sensible, they'd press the advantage and smash the villain's head in but they never do. Frankly, they deserve a stabbing.

[Brundle-Fly]

Found footage horror. As soon as anything supernaturally scary or life-threatening would occur, I'd immediately think,' Fuck filming this, I'm off on me toes'. No journalistic instinct in me.  That would mean 99% of FF films my character appeared in would be like watching somebody's boring holiday video for half an hour.

[Clownbaby]

Conversely, if you're of mediocre strength and not trained, it would take a long time to become accustomed to lugging around the extra weight, and its also very immobile. The greatest advantage one has over a zombie is speed. Just dont let them get close.

That is a point but even something like a tough leather jacket would be better for bite protection than a thin t shirt, and you can still run in that

[Icehaven]

It's always refreshing when someone's in a hurry/being chased and their car starts immediately, because more often than not it doesn't.

[Gulftastic]

I want more heist movies that go exactly as planned. The idea that you need a twist where they get ripped off is a hangover from the Hays Code when films couldn't show that crime pays.

These days, the robbers are allowed to win only if they are stealing off a proper bastard, like Andy Garcia's areshole Casino owner in Ocean's 11, or the Mafia/Traitor Ed Norton in the more recent  Italian Job.

[SteveDave]

If you found a stabbed up dead body and next to it was a bloody knife, would you pick it up? Especially if you were known to have beef with the dead un?

[momatt]

Meanwhile, hook up with Rey and he could be having amazing weeks-long force-sex in a treehouse on Endor, like some kind of space Sting, with little teddybears worshipping them like gods and bringing them fruits from the forest. At the weekend they take their speeder bikes out to the lake. Every once in a while his dad and his mad mate drop in to snort a load of smuggled spice with them. You'd feel like you were king of the fucking universe anyway.

I would like to see this film please.
Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[popcorn]

This one is really vague, but: I'd really like to see more sensible, interesting problem-solving in films. Or at least attempts at them.

Example: the scifi film Anhilation. (No sponglers.) There's a Bizarro Zone that people go into and don't come out of again, like a kind of Bermuda Triangle sort of place. So scientist Natalie Portman and her mates are sent inside to find out what's going on. Next thing they know, they're waking up in a campsite inside the Bizarro Zone, with no memory of the last few days. Great situation! How intriguing! What's next?

For the scientists, the sensible thing would be to go "how interesting, this is a very good finding. Let's leave right now and report this before anything else weird happens." But they don't do that. They just go "Right, let's crack on further into this Bizarro Zone then."

Fuck off! Why are you doing that?

The reason they're not doing that is that the writer thinks it's anti-drama. The character always has to do the thing that will lead to the most explosive result - ie, they always have to worsen a problem rather than solve it. (See the Frasier bit where Niles cleans his trousers for a classic example of this.) They can't just go home, or else they'd be no story.

That's a basic storytelling maxim, except in this case it's shite! First, it makes them seem like really crap scientists, damaging them as characters. Second, it's unnecessary: the scientists attempting to leave doesn't mean the problem is solved, because they could try to leave the Bizarro Zone and find they can't, because the laws of time and space don't make sense there. They'd just get lost, in impossible, physics-defying ways - thereby learning more about this place in the process. And that would be interesting - more data, furthering them as characters and furthering our understanding of the location -  and then the adventure could continue for a good reason rather than a stupid one.

To clarify, I'm not asking for all characters to make perfect decisions all the time. That would be boring. And I hate those fucking YouTubers who think characters not doing the most completely rational thing at any moment is a plot hole. But you can't just have characters make mistakes they would never make for the purposes of plot happening. There's a lot of value in having characters being smart and finding things out. I like Jason Bourne because he's not stupid and he comes up with clever things. It's like watching someone else do your homework for you.

[evilcommiedictator]

Is this like how everyone lauds Die Hard for including the bit where he it not wearing shoes and walks over glass, but then finds shoes and then is fine?

[Clownbaby]

This one is really vague, but: I'd really like to see more sensible, interesting problem-solving in films. Or at least attempts at them.

Example: the scifi film Anhilation. (No sponglers.) There's a Bizarro Zone that people go into and don't come out of again, like a kind of Bermuda Triangle sort of place. So scientist Natalie Portman and her mates are sent inside to find out what's going on. Next thing they know, they're waking up in a campsite inside the Bizarro Zone, with no memory of the last few days. Great situation! How intriguing! What's next?

For the scientists, the sensible thing would be to go "how interesting, this is a very good finding. Let's leave right now and report this before anything else weird happens." But they don't do that. They just go "Right, let's crack on further into this Bizarro Zone then."

Fuck off! Why are you doing that?

The reason they're not doing that is that the writer thinks it's anti-drama. The character always has to do the thing that will lead to the most explosive result - ie, they always have to worsen a problem rather than solve it. (See the Frasier bit where Niles cleans his trousers for a classic example of this.) They can't just go home, or else they'd be no story.

That's a basic storytelling maxim, except in this case it's shite! First, it makes them seem like really crap scientists, damaging them as characters. Second, it's unnecessary: the scientists attempting to leave doesn't mean the problem is solved, because they could try to leave the Bizarro Zone and find they can't, because the laws of time and space don't make sense there. They'd just get lost, in impossible, physics-defying ways - thereby learning more about this place in the process. And that would be interesting - more data, furthering them as characters and furthering our understanding of the location -  and then the adventure could continue for a good reason rather than a stupid one.

To clarify, I'm not asking for all characters to make perfect decisions all the time. That would be boring. And I hate those fucking YouTubers who think characters not doing the most completely rational thing at any moment is a plot hole. But you can't just have characters make mistakes they would never make for the purposes of plot happening. There's a lot of value in having characters being smart and finding things out. I like Jason Bourne because he's not stupid and he comes up with clever things. It's like watching someone else do your homework for you.

Agree. Also, if the protagonists have been shown to try their best and they've used what feels like the best idea they could have had in that situation and then the jeopardy part of the plot intensifies, it can make the viewer feel even more sympathetic towards the character and the antagonist or problem more of a threat. This is why I don't like farce comedy very much. Everyone's just making a mess of everything from the start and it just irritates and alienates me from the characters. I find it much funnier when I can see a character obviously tried their best and worked hard to avoid the helpless, ridiculous situation they're still somehow in.

[popcorn]

The reason they're not doing that is that the writer thinks it's anti-drama.

I meant to write "the writer thinks it's drama". :(

[Sebastian Cobb]

'alright, yeah, cheers. Bye' *hangs up phone*

[Puce Moment]

Well zombie films and tv shows are low hanging fruit for sure, but in The Walking Dead specifically I never understood why they didn't put a larger amount of time and labour into digging a fuck-off massive hole all the way around the encampment, and then fill it with 45 degree angled sharpened stakes. I'm talking about a good deep (15ft) hole, with non-jumpable width of around 12ft and fuckloads of stakes. It may not be the best thing to ward off humans, but the zombies would be pretty fucked.

Next, The Handmaid's Tale. All the fuckers have to do is implant basic trackers into the Handmaidens (or indeed most of the population) and there problems would be halved. They spend so long chasing after Elizabeth Moss when a little chip under her skin would have her caught in ten minutes.

[bgmnts]

Well zombie films and tv shows are low hanging fruit for sure, but in The Walking Dead specifically I never understood why they didn't put a larger amount of time and labour into digging a fuck-off massive hole all the way around the encampment, and then fill it with 45 degree angled sharpened stakes. I'm talking about a good deep (15ft) hole, with non-jumpable width of around 12ft and fuckloads of stakes. It may not be the best thing to ward off humans, but the zombies would be pretty fucked.

Surely after a few thousand zombies get caught in it, it would fill up? You could burn them every once in a while, I suppose.

[Gulftastic]

Surely after a few thousand zombies get caught in it, it would fill up? You could burn them every once in a while, I suppose.

There was a plot point in one of the seasons where a community had thrived because lots of the zombies who wandered towards them tell into a quarry. Eventually  it filled up and they had to sort it out.

[bgmnts]

There was a plot point in one of the seasons where a community had thrived because lots of the zombies who wandered towards them tell into a quarry. Eventually  it filled up and they had to sort it out.

I know in World War Z, a lot of British end up holding out in castles, regularly burning accrued zombie hordes from the battlements into the moats.

Sounds like a legitimate tactic.

[gib]

What about an island, either just offshore or in a fairly fast river, did they try that?

[Famous Mortimer]

What about an island, either just offshore or in a fairly fast river, did they try that?

The 2004 Dawn Of The Dead, and a bunch of indie zombie movies (sorry if you're being facetious, I'm very bad at spotting it).

"Let's call for backup".

"Nah, let's not bother".

"No, seriously, let's call for backup and then we can sort this problem out without putting ourselves in any unnecessary danger".

[gib]

The 2004 Dawn Of The Dead, and a bunch of indie zombie movies (sorry if you're being facetious, I'm very bad at spotting it).

nope, just not watched much zombie stuff other than NOTLD and early seasons of The Walking Dead

[Gulftastic]

Sort of Zombie book 'Day Of The Triffids' ends with the survivors living on the Isle Of Wight and The Channel Islands purely for the defensive benefits of being surrounded by water.

[Puce Moment]

Of course, water is no problem for zombies. They will happily go for a walk or swim to your lovely little Branson private island to eat your arse cheeks.

[notjosh]

There's a lot of value in having characters being smart and finding things out. I like Jason Bourne because he's not stupid and he comes up with clever things. It's like watching someone else do your homework for you.

I'm with you. It's infinitely more satisfying to watch people make smart decisions and still end up in the shit. The Silent Partner is a good one where Elliot Gould's character makes clever and resourceful moves throughout the story, but struggles because he's up against a complete psychopath. There are plenty of other sci-fi films, like Primer and Coherence, which feature rational, intelligent characters who just bite off more than they can chew.