Do your friends Whatsapp pictures of naked black men to you?

[touchingcloth]

I've just flounced from a group with some friends from school. A couple of them have a habit of posting memes featuring two particular pictures of two naked black men - I haven't seen the pictures anywhere else so I don't know what the source is, but it's always the same two pictures.

I largely ignore them, but I've asked a few times why they are so obsessed with those two guys, which they've never actually responded to. I've always kind of assumed it goes back to jokes they used to make which seemed more acceptable when we were in our early teens - you know, the old BANTS - based on the fact that I'm white-skinned but mixed race. The ribbing was never particularly pointed or intelligently done, and was just variations on "your dad's black, hur" or "your mum likes black cock, hur hur". I should have told them to fuck off with it ages ago, but it's always been a kind of relatively inoffensive background noise from people I'm no longer particularly close to (I think I'd react very differently if the same posts had come from friends I've made in adulthood), but what caused me to say see ya was an interaction which went like this:

there's also a porno of george floyd out there... of course

He's such a Wimblewrong[nb]You can probably guess what word I've replaced here.[/nb]

That George Floyd did a 5 stretch for armed robbery... he's also been described as a gentle giant by friends and family!

massive cock too

Cunt 1 then posted a picture of the podium where Edward Colston's statue used to stand, with one of their usual naked black men photoshopped poorly on top of it.

I think what tipped me over the edge was the shift from trying to get a rise of me because, lol, TC's dad is black and, lol, has a black penis, to just straight up racism (before the bits I quoted there was some speculation about the size of John Barnes' penis) directed at such a shitty target.

I don't get these same posts from any of my other groups of white male friends, but is it normal for supposedly straight white men to be quite so obsessed with the penises of black men?

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I'm just despairing if humanity a bit. Fuck it.

[Kryton]

Your friends are probably closet homosexuals.

[bgmnts]

Racial fetishisation - mostly from females in my experience - is absolutely massive on places like fabswingers and fetlife and in porn and the like, so I suppose it makes sense.

[C_Larence]

I think the guy you're talking about is called Wardy Joubert (my friends called him Big Dave I believe). Not sure why he started getting posted so much recently but it's another example of how the general public is just 4chan but 5 years later.

[PlanktonSideburns]

worked in a warehouse in manchester - 'men' in there constantly trying to show me naked black blokes

i was actually releived when it was naked black blokes, - better than someone suddenly wipping their phone out to show you men women and children getting killed on live leak

for context, they were mostly white blokes, im as cis a white cunt as they come, look like the main character from a low budget video game, such is my awful normalness

[Sheffield Wednesday]

It's a small cock thing, must be. They'll be the same guys wanting their wife to get BLACKED while they film it and can't stop gulping and cry in their van after.

[PlanktonSideburns]

It's a small cock thing, must be. They'll be the same guys wanting their wife to get BLACKED while they film it and can't stop gulping and cry in their van after.

Why do people make things so complicated?

I don't need no dodgy menage to cry in a van

[touchingcloth]

I think the guy you're talking about is called Wardy Joubert (my friends called him Big Dave I believe). Not sure why he started getting posted so much recently but it's another example of how the general public is just 4chan but 5 years later.

Yep, google confirms that's one of their two favourite guys. It's sad to think which corner of the internet they're going to to find all the memes. Reddit?

[flotemysost]

Racial fetishisation - mostly from females in my experience - is absolutely massive on places like fabswingers and fetlife and in porn and the like, so I suppose it makes sense.

Women of colour get fetished a LOT as well - I'm sure I don't need to list all the tropes associated with various ethnic minorities - but yeah, I know black men are victims of a particular, damaging stereotype. Even at the London BLM protests at the weekend, there were a few placards with drawings of the aubergine emoji on or just flat out saying 'I ONLY SUCK BLACK COCK', etc. It's really sad in any case.

touchingcloth, your erstwhile mates sound like knobs. I've both been guilty of indulging in, and have also been the butt of, that type of jovial bantz, it has a really specific way of making you feel a bit shit so good on you for flouncing.

[bgmnts]

Women of colour get fetished a LOT as well - I'm sure I don't need to list all the tropes associated with various ethnic minorities - but yeah, I know black men are victims of a particular, damaging stereotype. Even at the London BLM protests at the weekend, there were a few placards with drawings of the aubergine emoji on or just flat out saying 'I ONLY SUCK BLACK COCK', etc. It's really sad in any case.

There's a lexicon and everything:

Snow bunny,
Bull,
BBC etc.

No joke, one woman I tried to talk to labelled herself as "The Queen of Spades". I'm not making that up, its real.

And yes of course black women get fetishised a shitload too. It works in reverse too. Its all so fucking grim.

[bushwick]

Yeah, certain ladz seem to share this stuff. Same lads who share "I've just found how to beat the new Facebook friends algorithm" copypasta things/right wing populist boomer memes and follow back the sex bots innit. Sometimes I'll get a facebook message off someone I knew at school and it's a "gross out" video involving some anus thing/ black man with huge dick or suchlike. Last one I got was the old fat naked American man with "SLUT" written on him in marker and suction cups on his moobs so they extend massively. He then says "WELL, TIME TO TAKE OFF MY TITTY CUPS" and pops em off. Anyone else get that one?

[Camp Tramp]

A group of my friends from my hometown post pics like this, the black muscular guy, Chewbacca shit at range into a toilet, basically just shit and cocks.

I've blocked uploads from their WhatsApp.

I've lived in Brighton for years and my associates there are far more civilised.

[touchingcloth]

Women of colour get fetished a LOT as well - I'm sure I don't need to list all the tropes associated with various ethnic minorities - but yeah, I know black men are victims of a particular, damaging stereotype. Even at the London BLM protests at the weekend, there were a few placards with drawings of the aubergine emoji on or just flat out saying 'I ONLY SUCK BLACK COCK', etc. It's really sad in any case.

touchingcloth, your erstwhile mates sound like knobs. I've both been guilty of indulging in, and have also been the butt of, that type of jovial bantz, it has a really specific way of making you feel a bit shit so good on you for flouncing.

The weird thing was I only really "indulged" their behaviour inasmuch as I didn't explicitly call them out on it. I never laughed at the messages - no one did, not even the people posting them, they just dropped them into the chat ucommented on, not even a "lol" or a "look at this guy!", so I assume they just assumed that their hilarity was self evident - and I didn't even give them the satisfaction of the tiniest rise out of me on 99% of times before I flounced. Just sat in silence like a chump while they pedalled their shite.

On damaging stereotypes for black men, this article from a little while back was good: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/29/dating-in-age-of-apps-sex-with-a-black-man-on-bucket-list-ben-arogundade

[gib]

shit mates, good work dumping them

[touchingcloth]

A group of my friends from my hometown post pics like this, the black muscular guy, Chewbacca shit at range into a toilet, basically just shit and cocks.

I've blocked uploads from their WhatsApp.

I've lived in Brighton for years and my associates there are far more civilised.

I found the type of things they post more acceptable back when we were in school and had never examined our privilege. I often regress to different forms of humour when I'm with friends from different periods on my life so I guess I partly assumed that they were less unreconstructed outside of our chats and we just calling back to schoolboy shockjock bants, but I've always had suspicions about who was sending them or where they were finding the memes, but dragging George Floyd into it removed the last vestiges of the benefit of the doubt I was giving them.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Why do people make things so complicated?

I don't need no dodgy menage to cry in a van

Avril lavinge consiere re-writ...ect

[PowerButchi]

I get about 10 picture of wood sitting on a bed sent to me on WhatsApp daily.

[clingfilm portent]

Good for you. I'm of mixed race too and the things that some of my friends and even acquaintances have come out with in my presence is fucked. When it makes you feel like shit and you feel like you can't challenge them it's time to get away. Its an awkward conversation that I'm not always compelled is worth having.

[beanheadmcginty]

There's two of these I'm aware of. One bloke in a bucket hat with an absurdly long dong - my ex-girlfriend was Irish and obsessed with this. Found it absolutely hilarious and it seemed to be a meme that all her Irish pals sent around to each other (she used to delight in sending them to her unsuspecting mother. If I sent something like that to my mum she would absolutely fucking kill me). The second one I've only become aware of since lockdown and seems popular amongst tradesmen (my builder mate from Kent seems to be the main spreader of these) . Bloke with his top off and what could well be mistaken for a third thigh. Can't say I'm a fan of either myself.

[touchingcloth]

Good for you. I'm of mixed race too and the things that some of my friends and even acquaintances have come out with in my presence is fucked. When it makes you feel like shit and you feel like you can't challenge them it's time to get away. Its an awkward conversation that I'm not always compelled is worth having.

Yep, I kept silent largely because saying anything felt completely futile. The group are only my friends now because we were close in the past, and the friends I've made since leaving school are very different from that lot. I don't think there's any appetite in the group for discussing anything with any kind of seriousness, it's all just endless bants. I've always been convinced that speaking out might mean they stop sending me the pics, and just carrying on elsewhere.

I still haven't had the conversation with them by the way, for anyone thinking of getting too emphatic with the "good for you" sentiment; my flouncing was just leaving the group after the exchange I quoted in the OP.

[idunnosomename]

i wish

[Marner and Me]

Tbf I get the lot. I get Barry (big cocked black bloke on the edge of the bed) George Floyds porn vid, El Salvadorian gangsters cutting body parts off with blunt tools, people electrocuting themselves.

Tbf I'm pretty numb to it. Some of it I'll find amusing. Only stuff I'm properly against is animals and none of the people I am friends with would forward on stuff with kids.

[Ferris]

This has happened to me one, flounced the fuck out of there right away without a word.

I regret not saying what I thought of them frankly, still feel angry about it even now. Shitty people and it's not like it would have had an impact on my life if I spoke my mind. Oh well.

[Mister Six]

It would be a lot more racist if they only sent you pictures of naked white men.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Strange friends you people have :-(

[Retinend]

this site looks like Buzzfeed but publishes Cernovich tweets and makes out as if this "Barry" thing (I was completely unaware) is just bantz
https://www.btrtoday.com/read/featured/have-you-been-pranked-by-the-huge-penis-guy-yet/

Fuck your friends.

I am also mixed race (half Chinese) and personally I never had any sense of humour about it growing up (I was as serious then as I am now, perhaps moreso...)... it would just annoy me that racism was so one-sided - I couldn't exactly make fun of them for being white, and what sense would doing that make if I was half-white myself? And what did "white" even mean?

But still, I used to worry that I was just alienating myself from my peers by not being able to get in on the racial jokes. But seeing how my life has unfolded I would have quickly grown apart from them anyway.



Now that race is such a big topic I feel like we halfies should have more of a voice. Like the transsexual who "passes" half the time, we have an experience of society that is neither entirely as victim, nor entirely as fully conforming in-group member.  Mixed-race people neither want to attack one parent nor arbitrarily venerate the other for the sake of public approval. We are as uncomfortable at the iconoclastic ID-pol rhetoric about "whiteness" as we are threatened by unabashed in-group preference. Ironically, at this point, I feel able to be open about these feelings exactly because in the context I won't be accused of having formed them on the back of white privilege.

[Pijlstaart]

I've planned out my ideal friends, I know they would bring me freshly baked cookies, with flavours reminiscent of treasured times together. They would all have gone to Ruzzl great universities, or be brightly coloured animals.

It can be a hard thing to reconcile, every north-westerner I've met has a strange blind-spot regarding purple aki, a groundswell for repressed homophobia and racism. Am worried my less-successful schoolfriends of yore are snatching hijabs and watching the pain olympics on repeat, but would they take my proffered hand, would they be beguiled by my north london lentil utopia, or are we irrevocably on opposing sides of the culture war? A leafleting campaign won't cut it, I worry, and that's all I've budgeted for.

[Danger Man]

Now that race is such a big topic I feel like we halfies should have more of a voice.

We are the B in LGBT. Technically part of the movement but completely invisible.

[idunnosomename]

It would be a lot more racist if they only sent you pictures of naked white men.

naked white racist men would be appalling

[touchingcloth]

Now that race is such a big topic I feel like we halfies should have more of a voice. Like the transsexual who "passes" half the time, we have an experience of society that is neither entirely as victim, nor entirely as fully conforming in-group member.  Mixed-race people neither want to attack one parent nor arbitrarily venerate the other for the sake of public approval. We are as uncomfortable at the iconoclastic ID-pol rhetoric about "whiteness" as we are threatened by unabashed in-group preference. Ironically, at this point, I feel able to be open about these feelings exactly because in the context I won't be accused of having formed them on the back of white privilege.

I agree. I've always had a sense of humour about racism, mainly because having so many black family members made me see the absolute insanity of hating someone based on the colour of their skin, and also because never having been a high status, alpha type of guy my defence mechanism to any insults coming my way was always to take them and run with them; call me gay and I'll riff on exactly how many lovely penises I've been playing with, mention my black dad's penis and I'll describe it in detail for you.

Privilege for me is being white skinned and therefore never experiencing discrimination properly except for the bants from people who know me well enough to know that I'm mixed, but also from having a nice middle class upbringing where neither my dad nor my brother have experienced much in the way of overt racism. But I've been doing a lot of thinking in recent days and to my shame it's the first time I've properly grasped that even without constantly being called the n-word and having bananas thrown at them they will have had quite different experiences of education, work, and social groups to me. I've always been aware of institutional racism and that liberal people can nevertheless have racist biases, I've just never fully connected the dots with how they would have affected my own family.

So I'd like to think I'll be more of an advocate and ally from now on, and not give lazy hack racism a bye. And I'll think even more carefully than I already do[nb]I read a Stuart Hall - not that one - interview a few years back, and one bit shifted my approach to ironic racism and has stuck with me ever since:

I tend to think some things are off-limits. Not in the sense that you should not be able to say them, but you need some care about how and when you go into them. If you wanted to make a joke about concentration camps you should think twice. At least twice.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2007/sep/23/communities.politicsphilosophyandsociety[/nb] about making ironic racist comments, and make sure I challenge my assumption that my heritage gives me more of a right to make them than any other white person.