Unwritten Gaming Rules

[Sin Agog]

Things like always hit up NPCs twice for a chat, but never a third time unless you want them to loop 'If only I had that Purple Twig...'  (You can have my purple twig if you like).  Also controller stuff like the left button/square/B in platformers almost always letting you run...and practically never taking your finger off it the whole game.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Don't trust whitey.

[Mister Six]

For a while every FPS weapon selection went 1- Melee weapon, 2- Handgun, 3- Shotgun, 4- Machine gun, 5- Rocket launcher, 6 onwards- ever more outré selection of weird weapons.

[ImmaculateClump]

Red means explosive health kit. Green is toxic health. Blue, electrocuting shield.
"R" for "reload" seems like such a happy coincidence when you realise that the word "inventory" starts with the letter "I".

[brat-sampson]

Always check left for secrets.

If there are two ways to go, pick one, if it goes on for too long, you're on the Main Path and should go back immediately for whatever you missed. Sometimes the other path is actually even longer and it turns out that that's the main path and the other route was the dead-end/treasure you wanted, it was just deceptively long.

[Kryton]

Waist height walls means an obvious boss encounter or multiple opponents are going to come pouring in.

[Blue Jam]

Waist height walls means an obvious boss encounter or multiple opponents are going to come pouring in.

Ditto for any time you go through a network of corridors and suddenly find yourself in a big open space.

[Blue Jam]

If you shoot at a red barrel or gas cylinder it will explode. It may be very dangerous to have lots of these things lying about the place but you will still come across them conveniently often.

[The Crumb]

If the shopkeeper's an alien, pay with credits. If it's an elf, pay with gold

[Sheffield Wednesday]

^ Amazing post/av combo.

[Bazooka]

A save point in front of a door, in an area you have been fighting continuous enemies in an JRPG, means did you grind enough bitch?

[AsparagusTrevor]

Waist height walls means an obvious boss encounter or multiple opponents are going to come pouring in.

Ditto for any time you go through a network of corridors and suddenly find yourself in a big open space.

Of course, you've always collected a bunch of conspicuous ammo and health kits before this.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Killed the final boss did you? Surprise! He has a final form for you to battle! And it's inexplicably easier and shitter than what came before.

[Blue Jam]

Any British NPC has to say "bloody", "bugger" or "bollocks" so you will definitely know they're British.

[The Crumb]

The more gaudy, cheap and crap a piece of equipment looks, the better its stats will be.

[bgmnts]

Never use strong items until the final bosses, even if you die a lot as a result.

Reload after shooting only a few bullets.

[Blue Jam]

If you find a weapon that deteriorates in condition or needs maintenance, expect it to be about as robust as if it was made out of cheese.

[peanutbutter]

if you walk in from the corner line and pass the ball to someone behind the goalkeeper, you'll basically always score (I'm sure modern football games have gotten better at this...)

if the weapon shop in the new town only sells bizarre shit weapons, get ready for a bizarre shit dungeon

[the]

'Right, don't press anything, let's get this multiplayer game of Bomberman set up - WHO'S PRESSING START?'

Repeat for 5 sorry minutes until you start jettisoning friends from your life

[Wonderful Butternut]

If you say "okay everyone be careful on lap 1" in chat at the start of a race, you will be right at the epicentre of a massive turn 1 accident.

[Mister Six]

Any British NPC has to say "bloody", "bugger" or "bollocks" so you will definitely know they're British.

Or, if it has an English accent, add "so he did", "so it is", "so I am" or something similar after random sentences even though no cunt in England says that, and probably never did.

[Kryton]

Obligatory and absolutely patronising tutorial level.

'Okay so I want you to look around the room. Nod your head. Ok good.... Now go over and press that button. GREAT!
You're doing fine. Okay try and open that door. GREAT.
Next it's weapons training. In a moment I want you to pick up that gun and aim for those moving targets.
You're doing good recruit, I can see why they chose you'

Because in 2020 nobody knows how to use a joypad or keyboard and mouse. FFS.

(I realise this is more of a gripe, but whatever).

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Stealth games baddies can't see you if you stick your entire head out of cover. However, every single one in a ten miles radius will murder the shit out of you if you dare to run for a single step.

[Wonderful Butternut]

Obligatory and absolutely patronising tutorial level.

'Okay so I want you to look around the room. Nod your head. Ok good.... Now go over and press that button. GREAT!
You're doing fine. Okay try and open that door. GREAT.
Next it's weapons training. In a moment I want you to pick up that gun and aim for those moving targets.
You're doing good recruit, I can see why they chose you'

Because in 2020 nobody knows how to use a joypad or keyboard and mouse. FFS.

(I realise this is more of a gripe, but whatever).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F0AdWBmiQY

Stealth games baddies can't see you if you stick your entire head out of cover. However, every single one in a ten miles radius will murder the shit out of you if you dare to run for a single step.

They also can't hear or detect you scuttling around 10cm behind them as long as you're crouched.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Always

Be

Crouching

[evilcommiedictator]

"L" is the default key to look around. Use it to marvel at the polygons and textures and you might be able to spot an easter egg!

[Bazooka]

Press F to pay respects

[The Crumb]

Weapons may be easily upgraded through modular kits. Nae fucker in the universe has thought to try this before the player character.

[Ferris]

I only know of two universal rules for games - red barrels explode (as previously noted), and check under the stairs if you go down a few flights of them and they run out. There's (usually) stuff under there.

[Cerys]

If nothing is trying to kill you, you're probably going the wrong way.