Wife is pregnant, gonna get a tadpole

[Blinder Data]

For the first time, all being well, in December a beautiful frog will join our family.

Bit annoyed that COVID has scuppered any babymoons or last days of hedonism we might have had. But having a little alien that follows you around all day is more worthwhile in the long run, right? At least that's what I'll need to tell myself to stay sane.

Anyone read any good books about parenting and that? Serious question - there are so many around and I bet half of them are patronising shite

Other advice/sick jokes also welcome

[Mr_Simnock]

is it yours though?

[imitationleather]

Is it hers?

[Kryton]

It's both terrifying and amazing. My little lad is ONE in a few days. He's gone from a red-faced screaming baby to a funny little lad who laughs along with his Dad and has his favourite television show.

The first few months are tough after they're born. You'll have sleepless nights and constant worries and stress, but there's nothing than can make you as proud as seeing your little one doing funny things, learning to walk and climb and stuff.

[Danger Man]

Is it mine?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

there's nothing than can make you as proud as seeing your little one doing funny things, learning to walk and climb and stuff.

What about holding a can of deodorant, flipping it up in the air and catching it mid-rotation?

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

[Kryton]

What about holding a can of deodorant, flipping it up in the air and catching it mid-rotation?

Not yet. He can do it with knives and axes, just not deodorant cans.

[Chairman Yang]

Good job. You gonna call him Greg, like?

[Danger Man]

DEAD SOON

[marquis_de_sad]

Blinder Dada

[popcorn]

so does that mean you and your wife... had sex?

wasn't that a bit weird?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Is it going to be a frog/alien/mine? You don't seem entirely sure. Better ask her who the father is.

[bgmnts]

What will his/her first pasty be, Cornish, cheese n onion etc?

How nuts is it though? YOU get to mould a human however you want, you get to decide what his first pasty will be. The fucking power.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Don't let it be a Cornish, they are invariably shit. A simple meat and potato will suffice for the child.

[confettiinmyhair]

I got a lot of parenting tips from https://www.babycentre.co.uk/

My son is now two and a bit. The terrible twos are more your child has no concept of danger and puts themselves in a series of dangerous situations. Your job is to be a health and safety officer.

[Blinder Data]

The frog is definitely an alien made by me, my wife and Danger Man. Thankfully his future maintenance payments more than make up for the very weird two minutes of "sex" I had to endure to create the little thing.

I'm in the West of Scotland so the baby's first baked good will be a pie. Pasties are for holidays. It can't be too salty, so it will probably be a macaroni pie. But if not a tiny masticated piece of whatever I'm having - that's the rule, isn't it?

Thank you for Baby Centre website, it looks pretty good.

[Emma Raducanu]

I'd go with the babycentre tip. Vaguely remember that being decent for pre-birth and post birth information. Otherwise, I doubt any books are necessary. So long as you have an IQ above 90 you'll be fine.

You may find your partner wants to join various baby related groups in the first months which will suck arse.

[Noodle Lizard]

Anyone read any good books about parenting and that? Serious question - there are so many around and I bet half of them are patronising shite

All the ones I found/got given were just that, as were most of the websites you're likely to find on a Google search. My best pearls of wisdom came from friends and relatives, as well as a few tidbits from here and (bizarrely) Reddit. Normals, rather than people trying to fill out pages for a book or meet a deadline for a website. But I think what you ultimately realise is that, aside from a few practical things, nobody really knows what the fuck they're doing and there are no clear-cut answers. The first six months or so are basically spent just trying to keep this ridiculously weak thing alive, and then you start figuring out the other stuff along with it.

Best of luck with it - being excited is going to be a huge advantage!

[Noodle Lizard]

It's both terrifying and amazing. My little lad is ONE in a few days. He's gone from a red-faced screaming baby to a funny little lad who laughs along with his Dad and has his favourite television show.

The first few months are tough after they're born. You'll have sleepless nights and constant worries and stress, but there's nothing than can make you as proud as seeing your little one doing funny things, learning to walk and climb and stuff.

Mine too will be one at the end of the month. She's fucking enormous (95th percentile for height, 90th for weight) and physically pretty far advanced for her age (walking/running around for a month, eating everything by herself, able to climb out of almost anything), but unfortunately she's mentally very much still an 11-month-old. Basically an idiot with superpowers.

[Tony Tony Tony]

Best book for Mrs TTT was The Best Friends Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Lovine. Of all the many ones we purchased this was the only one that made her smile whilst being horrendously ill with morning sickness. After the baby came she flogged most of them off, except this one. Lovine followed it up with The Best Friends Guide to Parenthood. which is also a good read.

And BTW... Congrats it is an awfully big adventure

[Puce Moment]

Hope it's human!

[badaids]

Don't worry Blinder, we'll find out who did this.

[kittens]

trying to steal my thunder. pathetic

[Kryton]

VOTE MADHAIR

[earl_sleek]

Please accept my severe condolences.

[Shaky]

The first child is always a total waste of time so you'll have to rough out until the second, better one.

[poo]

Winged it and didn't sleep for 4 years. Who need book!!??!!

[Dr Trouser]

Books about parenting are utterly useless.

Two bits of advice that I got;
Midwife - 'as long as it's fed and got somewhere to sleep you don't need any of that shite you can buy from Mothercare. You could stick it in a drawer, it'll be fine
My Mum - 'people have been having babies for thousands of years so even you should be able to keep it alive'

[Sheffield Wednesday]

They say a problem shared is a problem halved.