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Comeuppance

Started by Sheffield Wednesday, June 18, 2020, 02:46:51 PM

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Sheffield Wednesday

In many ways, the last five months have been building up to this for me. Got some dude dropping the mother fucking test off pronto before I administer. And after that, LGC until the result comes in and after that, who knows. Could be a whole new world. My lung oozing out my mouth like so much pulmonary barf. They say don't worry, you got a robocop lung. In a good way? I'll ask. And the docs just start laffin!

If you don't hear from me for a while, assume I'm absolutely fine just getting pissed.

Good luck, brother.
You never know, they might let you have the day off to attend your funeral. Every cloud.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: ImmaculateClump on June 18, 2020, 08:19:34 PM
they might let you have the day off to attend your funeral

Won't be allowed cos of lockdown.  Only five socially distanced immediate relatives.  SW will have to remain in state on the ironing board in the kitchen or summat.  Maybe just slumped in the bath.  Smart shoes on, obvs.

Blue Jam

Quote from: Sheffield Wednesday on June 18, 2020, 02:46:51 PM
If you don't hear from me for a while, assume I'm absolutely fine just getting pissed.

I will assume you are on a VENT.

petercussing

Pls dont die pls. Hope you don't be too sick, blud. Good lucks.

Sheffield Wednesday

My testing kit just arrived.


Zetetic


petercussing

Quote from: Sheffield Wednesday on June 19, 2020, 03:28:07 PM
My testing kit just arrived.



Cut n paste from Egyptian book of the dead. Pls scoop brains into test tube thnx. We will tell you if you are dead when we get it. Test is 100% foolproof.

Sheffield Wednesday

I don't know my own strength and just swabbed out 1992-1997 😰😰😰

petercussing


Sheffield Wednesday

gov.uk/register-home-test

The instruction booklet literally says "go to that web page, it's best to do it on a smartphone".

If I type that into my phone browser, it doesn't go to a website. It spews up various government web pages about corono info, none of which allow me to register the test. I had to get my ancient dogshit vented laptop to access the site. Exactly the same for my wife on her phone and both of our tablets. I tried desktop site and mobile site. Chrome and Samsung browser.

Can anyone confirm whether this actually leads them to the correct site on their phone?

Total dogshit. The actual testing process itself was OK albeit it made me gag. The nose bit isn't particularly pleasant or comfortable but manageable. The throat is arguably harder to do, because it makes you gag and inevitably it touches your tongue and teeth and cheeks or whatever as you're gagging on the stick and then you're meant to shove that same end up your fucking nose. Gross. I will just buy one of the blood tests and clear this up once and for all.

BlodwynPig

why are you taking this "test"?

Sheffield Wednesday

My wife and I have a temp and chesty/throaty. It's likely 'a sore throat' but GP phone consultation recommended Covid test and isolation til we get negative. We've also had antibiotics delivered. Basically domesday.

chveik


Sheffield Wednesday


madhair60

Your 100%% dead Fucking Meat

Sheffield Wednesday

When I breath its sounds like a bong 🤪🤪🤪

Dex Sawash

Quote from: Sheffield Wednesday on June 20, 2020, 08:05:47 AM
gov.uk/register-home-test


Can anyone confirm whether this actually leads them to the correct site on their phone?



When I highlight your link with android/chrome, the preview popup offers to translate it to english or sell me hvac duct registers. Hit the open in chrome choice and it takes me to the correct web page and right to your test results. Looks like you're having that baby and are going to be windrushed to muslimland.

Danger Man

Quote from: Sheffield Wednesday on June 20, 2020, 09:15:41 AM
My wife and I have a temp and chesty/throaty. It's likely 'a sore throat' but GP phone consultation recommended Covid test and isolation til we get negative. We've also had antibiotics delivered. Basically domesday.

You and your wife's death would be shocking, shocking news.


And also very funny, it has to be said.

shiftwork2

If you cark it will you register a new account?

I have a flying aids antibody test booked for Friday.  30% positive rate so far.  More exciting than a scratchcard, better odds too.

sirhenry

Quote from: shiftwork2 on June 20, 2020, 12:45:02 PM
If you cark it will you register a new account?
No need, it turns out; CaB is more inclusive than most.

Dewt

Your doctor was thinking "seasonal allergies you tit" but made you order the test for liability reasons

Sheffield Wednesday

The idea that I'm allergic to anything like some cunt.

Even if I end up on a vent, I'll just inhale the fucking thing inside out and shit it all over the ward. Here's your vent, doctor. Might want to give it a lil wipe down with 70% isopropyl alcohol 😂😂😂

I AM IMMORTAL

Dewt

Friend, take an antihistamine. You've got histamine and you need to take the antidote.

Sheffield Wednesday

Real talk is I don't have any symptoms whatsoever but I'm just jumping through the hoops so I can get some time off from death.

imitationleather

Are you this much of whining hypochondriac every pollen season?

You didn't even catch it at a rave music festival FFS.

Danger Man

Quote from: Sheffield Wednesday on June 20, 2020, 06:57:19 PM
Real talk is I don't have any symptoms whatsoever

There's that episode of Colditz where a prisoner pretends to go mad to get sent back home. He gets sent back home but actually turns mad in the process.

That's you really. A bloke who has 400 accounts on here which means no accounts at all. You are a busted flush.

(I already know your reply to this, so no need to post it)

Dewt

The only thing he's getting on an episode of is fucking Spatz

Sheffield Wednesday

I'm isolating primarily because my wife was advised to take a test by the GP on the basis of high temp a few days ago. She's now absolutely fine besides a sore throat. Personally, I've got a sore throat and headache, most likely from being a bit run down or caught it off my wife. I don't have any symptoms of coronavirus.

After my wife's GP advice, I had a phone consult with my GP to see if I could go and do a Drive-Thru test, get my negative result and get back to work. They said no, because I had to isolate until her test result came back and even if I got a negative, I would still have to wait for her result before leaving the house. Fair enough, I just wanted to check.

Then they said they were sending me antibiotics for the sore throat and asked me to book a Covid test delivery. I said...I don't need antibiotics or a test. I explained that the Covid test booking website says the test is only if you have symptoms but they said to get one anyway. I don't know whether I'm being cynical but I assume they have testing quotas or are worried about accountability.

I have a sore throat and phlegmy cough, no temp, no dry persistent cough, no agnosia besides that wholly consistent with the typical effects of a sore throat. To be sent antibiotics and couriered a Covid test for this seems an absurd waste of resources and I'm someone who has erred on the side of caution throughout. Anyway, so be it. The courier collected our tests yesterday in full protective gear which was kind of a weird sight. Fingers crossed the results come today and I can get back in tomorrow morning. Worst case would be an inconclusive because the actual process of taking the test is unpleasant.