Things to do on trains

[Adrian Brezhnev]

Having walked out of a long term relationship this morning, I am now on a train to London.

Annoyed at the fact that I'd left in such a hurry that I forgotten to pack any books, magazines, Sudoko puzzle compendiums, a Rubik cube, or even the freshly charged batteries for my MP3 player, I decided to do something I haven't chosen to do for years.... read the complementary magazine.

Curiously, I found it to be choc-full of great articles. It so happens that First Great Western has just started a six-month pilot of an at seat broadband service on one of its trains.

It's free for the first two months and set up in Coach D on one of their trains. The whole carriage will be totally branded, inside and out by Volo, a new company that specialise in at-seat entertainment system.

But does anyone have any other ideas for things to do on long train journies?

Apart from catching up with sleep....

[wheatgod]

You could try indulging in oneself

[butnut]

Hehe, that happens in the book for this month's VW Bookclub. Oops... small spoiler there but it might tempt more people to read it!

[slim]

He's a dirty bugger, isn't he?

[clareQuilty]

If you're going to dump someone on a train journey do it towards the end of the trip, otherwise you'll be in for quite an awkward time.

[Banana Woofwoof]

Best thing to do on a long train journey is to sit near someone, affect an accent and tell a series of elaborate and imaginative lies.  Makes the journey go so much quicker and it's fun.

[InfiniteFury]

Count to a million. Slowly

[Des Nilsen]

Look out of the window and imagine Dinosaurs. I do. ;)

-

[massive_bereavement]

Shove loads and loads of paper down the toilets.

[Des Nilsen]

Shove loads and loads of paper down the toilets.

I often wondered who did that!

-

[Ambient Sheep]

Note down the numbers on the passing signals and see if you can work out the scheme involved.

[Doctor Stamen]

Ignore the sign that says "Do not lean out of the window" and see what happens.  

Failing that, why not try a delicious can of Virgin Trains' famous 'room temperature Stella' - a bargain at just £1.99.

[slim]

I like to look around the carriage and give each person I can see a background and a likely story based on the most superficial of judgements; their looks.

[gazzyk1ns]

Failing that, why not try a delicious can of Virgin Trains' famous 'room temperature Stella' - a bargain at just £1.99.

Reminds me of the first time I got a train up to see some uni mates... I'd not been on many trains before as an adult and so I didn't know what refreshments were on offer. I asked the guy and he told me they had beer, so I said "Yeah, why not..."... £2 for a warm can of Carling, lovely.

[Frinky]

Stare at everyone as hard as you can, and when you make eye contact with, break off suddenly and start jotting down notes.

Or do what I do, which is walk on board with a guitar case (guitar optional), chuck it in the overhead rack, adjust your cock, and throw the filly nearest you your best kissy lips. Never fails to work.

[Emergency Lalla Ward Ten]

Talk into a mobile going 'Yeah...yeah...yeah, that's right...yeah' for three hours.

[shatnersbassoon]

sit next to a bunch of pissed West Country Freemasons, talking about symbolism and aprons for an hour and a fucking half.

[Frinky]

Pat your hands on your knees and sing "TrainTrainTrainTrainTrainTrainTrainTrainTrainTrain" for the duration of the trip.

[Cerys]

Frinky, I love you.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Have a wank in the train toilet, then flush it while the train is in the station.

[TotalNightmare]

i never go on a long journey without my game boy, or DS or my minidisk.

I couldnt fathom making any trips without it.

Now, when the PSP comes out, i can ignore the crappy games designed for 16 year olds with prolonged erections and stick on some movies and South Park eps for my journey.

Infact. i could now have a whole entertainment system that is perfectly possible to fit in a few pockets.

Now thats progress.

[Adrian Brezhnev]

It is... unless you realise just as you get on the train that the batteries for all of those wonderful little bits of electronics are still in the battery charger at home.

[Boss Mew]

Or some ruffian mugs you and takes your beloved electronic away so they can buy crack or another young person's drugs.

[Adrian Brezhnev]

That's what always happens on the overnight trains in Italy.

Well, it's happened to me anyway. And I was also relieved of a brand new laptop by theiving gypsy bastards on the Orient Express once.

[Bernard]

I love this train sketch, don't remember where it's from though.

The camera's focused on a bloke on a train, reading a letter addressed to him. As is the convention with letter reading on TV programmes, you hear the written words spoken by the writer of the letter.

Eventually the bloke turns to his right, where it is revealed another person next to him has in fact been reading the bloke's letter out loud all along. "Look, do you mind?" says our bloke.

On topic, that's something to do. Read other people's letters etc.

[Paul Dee]

I love this train sketch, don't remember where it's from though...

First scene in the first episode of the first series of The League of Gentlemen.

[Bernard]

Thanking you.