CBF

[Sheffield Wednesday]

Can't be fagged.

My wife is basically bored from not being in work so she's turning on me for not doing the dishes or taking out the recycling or washing towels. That kind of thing. We've had several conversations about it and she said it really gets her down but I just CBF. I also feel like there's some serious confirmation bias here and I do much more than she makes out. I know it sounds glib but I would walk away from the marriage and start again in another country if she kept going on about this. On the other hand, it's not such a big deal to actually do more but I just CBF.

Any suggestions or anyone wanna share something they just CBF to do?

[Sin Agog]

Just imagine you're weaving in between hundreds of thousands of pill-shaped pink bullets every time you go in and out the door and it'll be a doddle.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Maybe try doing the dishes or taking out the recycling or washing your wank towels.

[imitationleather]

Fag for globalism.

[Twonty Gostelow]

Fake phone call. "So you're saying I have the worst case of ME you've ever seen, doctor?" where she can hear you.

[pancreas]

If you PM me her email address or phone number I'll talk it through with her.

[Kryton]

Fag for globalism.

Fag vs Bog

[Mister Six]

Just do the dishes you lazy cunt.

[Butchers Blind]

Take out the recycling or is it you CBF with saving the planet?  No wonder she's holding out on the sex.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Maybe try doing the dishes or taking out the recycling or washing your wank towels.

Fucking hell man why does she have to keep having this fight with you. Dishes take twenty minutes unless something's really caked on there. Taking out the recycling is two minutes. Go through the laundry at least once a week and do a load of towels. Ten minutes to isolate all the towels and stick them in the machine.

Or keep being an asshole about it and eventually she'll quit nagging you, because she's getting ready to leave.

[touchingcloth]

Starting again in another country sounds good. Go to one of them Bongo Bongo Lands where they don't have dishes or towels, and with your exotic appearance all of the Bongonian women will fall at your feet, worship you as a king and beg you to let them do the recycling.

[ImmaculateClump]

Have you tried administering the Women's Institute sanctioned light headlock manoeuvrer? There's a pamphlet for children called "mummies special headlock" that you can show the kids to stop them worrying. It slows down the oxygen flow to the brain and has a gentle calming effect.
You can buy small Lorraine Kelly effigies made out of doilies on ebay that you can hide around the house. I've heard mixed results, may be a placebo effect. If you're at your wits end though, anything's worth a try.

I know you're a man of science so this might interest you more. I read recently that the boffins at the forefront of nagging research have been getting very good results experimenting with micro-dosing the popular date rape drug "GHB".
No good to you in the here and now obviously, but it might be the ideal solution in the future once they've ironed out the kinks.

[touchingcloth]

And seriously, I don't know if the OP is supposed to be a funny but it makes you sound like an absolute compost of a person. If it's meant to make anyone side with you over your wife, or even to sympathise ever so slightly with you then, Jesus fuck.

[ImmaculateClump]

Aw, he's just mucking about. He's a really nice person, I don't know him in real life but I've spoken to him privately on various shmup-related sites and he's absolute darling.
100% not serious.

[Sheffield Wednesday]

And seriously, I don't know if the OP is supposed to be a funny but it makes you sound like an absolute compost of a person. If it's meant to make anyone side with you over your wife, or even to sympathise ever so slightly with you then, Jesus fuck.

NOBODY speaks to me like that, not even my close friends!

Except for my wife, when I don't "properly" break down a cardboard box.

[Sheffield Wednesday]

Aw, he's just mucking about. He's a really nice person, I don't know him in real life but I've spoken to him privately on various shmup-related sites and he's absolute darling.
100% not serious.

If you could say the same to my wife that would be a massive favour mate.

[Dewt]

I'm sorry Bosto I also suffer from depressive episodes

[Sebastian Cobb]

Dishes take twenty minutes

If you're doing the washing up for a wedding party.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Can't be fagged? Isn't it Can't Be Fucked?

[petercussing]

Turn the largest wall in your living room into a giant tally board in which you pointedly stare at her when very slowly ticking off the chores you've done. Then she'll see how much you love her.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Are you married to Sarah Ditum by any chance?

[Huxleys Babkins]

You need to talk.

We bought a house end of January, started doing it up, then went into lockdown lite (still working, but unable to go anywhere or do anything with the house) and the depression caught up to my missus very quickly. She decided the best way to deal with her feelings was to take them out on me and I was very, very close to leaving her. Constant nagging about chores (even though she wasn't doing any herself), trying to blame me for everything, trying to make me feel really small and pathetic.

I eventually gave her the ultimatum; you either speak to me or a doctor about how you're feeling or I'm going to find a flat for myself. So we talked it out over hours, worked out what we needed from each other, put her head straight and we're stronger than we've been for a long time.

You'll not get out of this without that talk.

[Ferris]

Why not simply open a halal gaming pub?

[PlanktonSideburns]

NOBODY speaks to me like that, not even my close friends!

Except for my wife, when I don't "properly" break down a cardboard box.

why the fuck wouldnt you properly break down a cardboard box?

fuck man, you is an toilets

[Barry Admin]

Yeah, I bet he's a basher. For fucks sake.

Totally with him in dishes being boring as fuck, but not breaking up a cardboard box by dismantling it at the seams is absolutely perverse, and a complete waste of time and energy.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'm a big fan of throwing boxes in the spare room in case I need to send a parcel to someone. Then the place becomes overrun with the fuckers and I eventually smash them all up at once.

[Sheffield Wednesday]

I'm sorry Bosto I also suffer from depressive episodes

I don't think I've ever been depressed in my life but I am probably recovering from Covid-19.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Calm down, everyone. He's clearly joking.

He doesn't have a wife.

[Sheffield Wednesday]

She just said 'please, fuck up again and buy me more gin and flowers'.

Offensive.

[Johnny Yesno]

Crap Boy Friend
Communal Bin Failure
Confirmation Bias Fantasy
Cunt! Buy Flowers